“You’re fine.” My defense of her is automatic. I just don’t ever want her to feel bad.
“Do you have any weed?” my mom asks Ollie.
“No. I don’t smoke.”
She grins. “Aren’t you the cutest thing?” She pats the couch cushion beside her. “Sit down, Ollie.”
“Can you not try to corrupt him?” I ask.
“I’m just getting to know your friend, Shai. Apparently, you have a whole life you want me to know nothing about.”
The guilt gnaws at my insides again.
Ollie leaves the vacuum, sits beside her, and just…talks to her. He tells her about school, her brows rising when he says he’s pre-law.
I go into the kitchen to see if I can find anything she can eat. There’s bread—thankfully not moldy—cheese and butter, so I make three grilled-cheese sandwiches and grab some chips out of the pantry.
I can’t help watching Ollie with her while I do it, the way he talks with her like she’s a normal person, like she’s not half naked in front of him, in a house that should be decontaminated.
I bring them both plates, and the three of us eat together, my mom being semi-chill, which I appreciate. She still chain-smokes and makes herself a screwdriver with her food, but hey, it could be worse.
“Shai never talks to me anymore. Tell me about him and Rory. Clearly, it’s serious.”
“Yes,” he replies. “It is. You couldn’t ask for a better partner for your son, and he’s just as good for Rory.”
“Thanks, Ol.” I smile.
“Good to know he’s ditched me for someone who’s good to him.”
“Mom,” I warn.
“I’m not mad.” She waves her hand. “I’m just saying.”
We hang out with her a while longer before I say, “We should head back to the house.”
“You have to go already?” she whines.
No, I don’t, but I want to. “We have things to do, and I’m not sure when Rory will be home. I’ll go to the grocery store and do some shopping for you first, though.”
“I can go shopping for myself, but if you have any extra money…”
I shake my head, anger flaring. “No. I’m not doing that. I’m gonna pack some things real quick, then do the shopping.”
I’m not in my room three seconds before she comes in, closing the door. I expect her to be angry, to yell, complain, something, but she just says, “Do you have to go? Can’t you stay home with me tonight?”
I should say I can. What would it hurt to spend a nightwithout Rory? I can go back tomorrow, but…I don’t want to spend a night without him. The thought makes my skin crawl. “I can’t. Rory’s got some stuff going on, and I need to be home when he gets back.”
“But you’re never here anymore. You leave me in this house all by myself like I don’t even matter to you!”
“That’s not true!” I argue, but then, it kinda is. “Even when I am here, you have people coming and going, or you take off. You only want me here when you’re alone, and the truth is, you don’t have to sit around this house. Why don’t you get a job? It’ll be good for you, make you feel good about yourself.”
“Fine. Whatever. Ditch me, Shai. I thought we were a team.” She reaches for the door, and I step forward, hands on her shoulders, holding her.
“Please don’t do this. Please don’t make me feel guilty about this. Wearea team, and I do love you, but…I’m happy. I feel better than I ever have, than I ever knew was possible. Don’t I deserve that? To be happy? To have him?”
She doesn’t answer right away, but I feel the slight tremble in her shoulders. Silently, I plead with her to understand, to get this, to want what’s best for me.
“I’m going to lose you, aren’t I?” she asks, voice cracking.
