“The worst thing?” Ollie pushes his glasses up his nose.
“Yes. It was torture.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Ollie says.
“I’d go to school if I could…like if I could afford it.” Shai reaches over and plucks the strings of the guitar on Ollie’s lap. “I didn’t realize it until recently.”
I…didn’t think about that. He hasn’t been given half the opportunities I have. “If you want to go to school, go to school.”
“Would I pull the money out of my ass?”
I grab the bong from the coffee table, then open the box of weed. “I have money.”
“Which is yours.”
“That’s what I tell Cillian,” Ollie says. “It doesn’t work with them.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not taking money to go to Ashford. It’s too expensive. And even if I had the money, I couldn’t get in.”
“We could fix that too,” Cillian says. “There’s not much we can’t do.”
“Nah, but thanks.” Something in his voice tells me he’d like it, though. “I didn’t even graduate high school. My mom…she didn’t make me go, and I didn’t think it was important.”
“We should study together so you can get your GED!”Ollie bounces like I often do. “If you want, I mean. No pressure, but if that’s something you want.”
“Wait,” I say. “He getsno pressure? Is that because I get all the pressure?”
“This isn’t about you,” Ollie tells me.
“Everything should be about me,” I joke, but look at Shai. “You should do it. He’s smart. He makes shit make sense.”
Shai nods, looking unsure, but then says, “Yeah, that’d be cool.”
“Perfect!” Ollie beams.
“What would you study?” Cillian asks. “In college?”
“Music,” Shai and I say at the same time.
Cillian finishes packing a bowl, then hands me the bong. I take a hit, holding the delicious smoke in my lungs. God, I love weed.
“Ror says you play piano too?” Cillian takes the bong from me.
“Yeah. Guitar is my first love, but the piano is something special as well.” Shai looks over at Cillian’s longingly. I warned him not to touch it. Cillian is very protective of his piano. “I’m not as good. Everything I know is self-taught.”
Cillian doesn’t respond right away, just takes a hit of the weed, letting it slowly out of his lungs. “You can play it,” he says. “Since we play nice now.”
“Since we play nice now,” Shai agrees, smiling at Cillian, then looking at me. When he does, his grin grows. I wink at him, my pulse doing this weird fluttering, and then Shai gives his attention to Ollie again, the two of them playing guitar while Cillian and I smoke.
When it’s dusted, we lean back against the couch, watching and listening. Shai’s a good teacher, and for someone who has never been taught anything about music, he seems to know his shit.
I don’t know how long we sit there together, the four of us, Shai with Ollie, my person with Cillian’s. How is it that I can know Shai is my person but still be confused about being in love with him? Maybe that’s all love is and I’m waiting for this lightning bolt to hit me that will never come.
Sometime later, the front door opens, and Ash comes in.
“Long time no see,” I tell her as she plops onto a chair.
“I’ve been with Zuri a lot.” She beams.
