“Exactly.” She squeezes my hand again. “Life is confusing for normal people; it’s even more confusing for us. You have a big heart, Ror. You’ll figure it out. I know it must be hard for you seeing Cillian fall in love.”
It is hard…but also not. Because it’s Ollie.
“Ollie is good for you both, and he gets you both. It’ll all work out.”
I nod, turning the spinner in my hand. It’s not that I’m worried it won’t work out. I’m just baffled by all these emotions. First from Tiernan, then from Cillian, only mine are twisted up with Cil because of who we are and how much I care for Ollie.
“Thanks, Ash.” I kiss her temple. “How are things with you and Zuri?”
Ash is into a girl for the first time, but it hasn’t progressed much.
“Still just friends. No benefits. Lots of flirting, though, and she stayed in my dorm the other night and we woke up cuddling.”
“Ew. Cuddling. Gross,” I tease, and she rolls her eyes.
“You’re going to fall hard one day, Rory. And they’ll be the luckiest person alive.”
“Never. I’m leaving being in love to you weirdos.”
She pats my shoulder. “That’s what they all say.”
A while later, we all decide to head back to Ashford, where we live during the school year and go to college. We’re in Boston now only because of the holiday and Rian trying to build a relationship with Cil again—having basicallyabandoned him after Moira died. My father did the same with me after my mom took her life, only he was never half the father Rian used to be to Cillian.
We get back to the house before Cillian and Ollie do. I immediately pack a bowl in the bong, me, Ash, Tiernan, and Dean smoking. We’re just finishing when the lovebirds get back.
As soon as they come in, Tiernan approaches Cillian. “Something changed.”
All of us know what he’s talking about—Rian.
“My dad and I came to an understanding,” Cillian replies.
“Good. That’s how it should be. But if he fucks up again, I’ll kill him,” Tiernan tells him, making us laugh.
T is a complicated person. He has this old soul, is into shit like reading classics, and doesn’t thrive on violence the way the rest of us do—well, except our sweet little bunny, of course. But Tiernan will also never hesitate to get the job done. He’s killed a lot of people, and he would have killed his own father if his mom hadn’t gotten to it first. He wouldn’t have chosen this life, but he respects it, likes the power of it, and is always in control of every situation. He’ll never leave our family behind. It would be breaking every rule we have to kill Rian—his own uncle—but if push came to shove, he would for Cillian.
“Your mom…” Ash says, “she would have loved today.”
She’s right. Moira and Fia both are what a mom should be, what I know my mom wanted to be, if only she could’ve gotten out of the darkness.
“Yeah, she would have,” Cil replies. “She liked having a full house like that. She used to play for us when we were all together. Do you remember?”
She taught Cillian how to play the piano, and he loved it because it brought him closer to her, but also because he feelsmusic on a similar level that T does with books. He stopped playing when she died and only started again because of Ollie. Bunny and I are the only two people he’s played for.
“We do have a piano…” I remind him.
“Oh my God. Yes,” Ash exclaims, excited. “You should play, Cil.”
“He plays the piano?” Dean asks.
“Did you think we just kept it there for good looks?” Tiernan teases.
“That makes more sense than one of you playing the fucking piano,” he deadpans, and we all laugh again. I get where he’s coming from. It’s notreal Mafiaof us.
I watch as Cillian’s intense blue gaze finds Ollie’s. Bunny nods, and I know Cil won’t let him down.
“One song,” he agrees. He goes to the piano bench, Ollie taking the seat beside him, and starts playing, but doesn’t stop after the first song, playing two more, his confidence and passion growing with each one. He wouldn’t have gotten this back without Ollie, and silently, I thank our bunny for that. I want Cillian to have everything good in this world.
Afterward, we have a quick drink, but I’m struggling to keep still. This day has been fucking with my head. I’ve been sitting around too long, and my brain has been spinning too fast. I need to get out of here. I need to fuck or fight.
