“Nope.”
I frown, watching him in the dark vehicle as he drives out of Ashford. “Where are we going?” Goose bumps travel down my back, but not in fear…more like curiosity.
“You scared? Or does it get you hard not to know? Is it exciting that I can be taking you anywhere, to do anything to you, or did I read you wrong?”
“You don’t know me,” I argue. But the truth is, he’s rightabout me. It’s fucked up, I’m fucked up, but then again, he is too.
“Maybe not, but I see you.”
I…don’t know what to say to that. My stomach flips like a fish on a hook, only I can’t figure out if it’s a good feeling or a bad one.
“Cat got your tongue?” he asks. “We can always go rob someone if you’d like.”
“Maybe on our next date,” I joke.
“You keep talking like that, and I’ll think you really want that and will drop you off on the side of the road.”
I shake my head. “I will never give myself to someone that way. I’ll sure as shit never fall in love.”
“Did you get your heart broken? My poor pet.”
“No. I just know the world is filled with shitty people, and I’m not going to let them ruin me.”
He doesn’t respond right away. “I figure it’d be like that for me…what you’re saying, but it’s not for everyone. Dean has made Tiernan better, happier. And with Cil, I didn’t realize he was missing something, needed something, until he had Ollie.”
I turn slightly in the seat, watching this confusing, unhinged man talking about the people he cares about. I’m trying to reconcile that with what I know of him. The two things shouldn’t fit together. None of the people in my world care about anyone as much as I think he does them. “It’s different…when you talk about Cillian than the others.”
“Because Cillian and I will always be different.”
“Are you in love with Ollie’s boyfriend?”
“Why does it always go to that with everyone? Is romantic love the only kind there is? The be all, end all? I probably wouldn’t have a heart if it wasn’t for Cillian. I’d certainly be dead. But I am not and have never been in love with him. Some relationships are beyond that.”
I wouldn’t know the first thing about that. The only person I’ve ever loved is my mom, and that’s a completely different relationship. And she doesn’t keep me alive, she isn’t my heart. What he’s talking about is so foreign to me.
“Plus, romantic love is confusing. I’m not even sure I understand it.”
“No shit,” I reply, chuckling. “I’m with you there. Ollie doesn’t mind that you have such a connection with his man?”
“No, because Ollie is my bunny. He’s Cillian’sandhe’s mine because Cillian is mine. We have something special too.”
I remember what he said about seeing someone else taking dick and how it made him curious. “Holy shit. You, Ollie, and Cillian all get together, don’t you?”
“Cillian and I don’t get together, and I would never touch Ollie sexually without him.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It doesn’t have to make sense to you. It only has to make sense to us.”
“Do you have romantic feelings for Ollie, then?” I’m not sure why I’m asking him so many questions, why I care so much about Rory in any way, especially with this poly thing he has going with Cillian and Ollie, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
He sighs. “Your questions are beginning to annoy me. They’re stupid.”
I chuckle. “You’re an asshole.”
“Thank you. And no, I don’t. Not in the way you’re thinking. I don’t know how to explain it other than all the ways I already have, and you’re lucky to have gotten that much out of me.”
I don’t ask him anything else about their dynamic. It has nothing to do with this. What Rory and I are doing is an exchange. I pay off my debt by fucking him, which doesn’t sound like a bad deal. And that will be the end of it.
