To Archer I said, "I hope they come up with something better than that. But they're not going to call me Chef Stabby based on what we did tonight."
That disappointed me more than I would have expected it to. I mean, the nickname I gave myself was cute, right?
"Why don't you kill with a big carving knife?" Boner asked. "Or a vegetable peeler?"
"It's harder to conceal a carving knife," I pointed out. "And a vegetable peeler would be as effective as killing someone with a wooden spoon."
"You could totally kill someone with a wooden spoon, love," he said. "It'll take a while, but it's possible. Although, if you jam it down their throat, that'll be faster." He mimed doing just that, jabbing a spoon with both of his hands down the throat of an imaginary adversary.
"Thank you for not suggesting I stick it up their ass," I said.
I wouldn't do that to a perfectly good wooden spoon. Not to mention there were parts of these predators I didn't want to go near if I could help it. They were assholes. I didn't want to touch their assholes. You know what they say about those. Everyone has one. That doesn't mean everyone wants to see them.
"I have a friend in Dusk Bay who likes to torture people with a vegetable peeler," Archer said.
We all turned to stare at him.
"Sounds like you know some interesting people," Boner remarked. "Maybe you could introduce me sometime."
"I think he'd like you," Archer said. "He's even more unhinged than you are."
"Take that back," Boner said, waggling his finger at Archer. "No one is more unhinged than I am."
"Believe me, he is," Archer said. "Harlow's torture box and my acid bath? They'd be child's play to this guy."
"Now I'm not just curious, I'm a little bit turned on," Boner said.
"Just when I think I've heard everything," Cass said softly. "You surprise me. All of you." He sighed.
I leaned over to wrap my arm around his shoulders.
"I feel like we've corrupted an innocent person. I should have said no when you started to get involved with all of this."
"You tried," he reminded me. "I was the one who got myself involved. It's just… The world is more fucked up than I thought it was. Which is saying something, because I had some idea."
Boner barked a laugh. "No offense, bro, but you have no idea how fucked up it really is out there. Trust me."
Archer hummed his agreement.
Cass leaned into me. "Promise me if you go anywhere to do what you did tonight, you'll let me know first."
He sounded tired, but he injected a hint of his bedroom dominance into the last few words, making certain I heard and understood.
"Promise," I whispered. "No more going off without letting you all know."
"That's all we ask," Cass said. "When Boner said you were missing, I assumed the worst."
I squeezed his shoulders. "We didn't mean to worry you."
"We worry because we love you," Boner said.
"Exactly," Cass agreed. "We were ready to burn the world down to find you."
"I’m right here," I told him. "I’m not going anywhere."
I never had people worried for me like this before. This was a promise I wouldn't break.
CHAPTER 14
