I glance down, noticing Pihu lying cozy in the small space between our legs. Looks she couldn’t resist snuggling with us. Usually when I wake up, she’s lying on the opposite side of the bed.
Must be Nathan’s intoxicating effect.
Gingerly, I lift Nathan’s arm a tad, enough to make room for slipping out without disturbing him. My stomach tightens and I halt all movements when he stirs. I peer over my shoulder and relax when his eyes are still closed.
If my bladder wasn’t protesting, I swear I would get lost in watching him.
No sooner have I slid down from the bed, Pihu snags my corner, lying in the crook of Nathan’s arm with her face pressed against this pec.
I glare at her mockingly, while she gives me a look saying‘You snooze, you lose.’
Twisting away, I run to the bathroom and do my business. When I get back after brushing my teeth, they’re both deep in slumber. Walking to the nightstand, I check the time. It’s six in the morning. Since it’s Sunday, I know neither of us has to worry about work. Otherwise, I would wake him up. Plus, I’ve never seen him look so peaceful.
Putting my phone down, I pick Pihu and place her on her bed in the corner of the room. Then, I join Nathan, snuggling against him. His chest rises as he sighs and curls his arm around my waist.
I fall asleep instantly.
***
Soft kisses along my shoulder and a hand running over my thigh causes my eyelids to flutter open. A moan slips out of my mouth when rough lips suck on my neck, making me snap out of the hazy fog.
Reaching back, I curl my fingers around the back of Nathan’s neck. I tilt my head back to meet his grey eyes, full of desire and love.
Inching closer, he grazes his mouth over mine and coaxes it open with his tongue. His kiss is soft, sweet, and slow as he explores my mouth. I tremble underneath him, running my fingers through his hair and kissing him earnestly.
“Morning, angel,” he says, voice deep and guttural.
“Good morning.” I smile, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah. Very well.”
There’s disbelief in his voice as though he expected it to be the opposite, making me intrigued. “Why do you seem shocked?”
“I struggle to sleep,” he shares hesitantly. “Some nights I don’t at all.”
I tense. “Insomnia?”
“Chaos,” he utters low, eyes closing shut before they open again, revealing darkness and pain he kept buried. “Remember when I told you my head is all messed up?”
“Yeah,” my tone is sad as I anxiously wait for him to explain.
He lays on his back, while keeping me tucked against his side and stroking the top of my arm as though he needs the contact before he answers, “When I’m alone, all the terrible decisions I’ve ever made haunt me. The ghosts of my past hauntme. The people I hurt with my actions. I start to overthink until there’s no drowning out the dark and troubling thoughts. The voice in my head reminds me that I’m unworthy of love and anyone’s trust. That I only know how to destroy things and ruin others’ lives. How I am nothing but a burden to those around me. That I deserve to be lonely. It gets so loud inside my head, Ari, that I have no choice but to believe it’s the truth. Or make myself numb to it all before they overpower me.”
So much makes sense now about his behavior. He’s been struggling in plain sight, and no one ever saw it.
The guilt and regret at his actions is weighing on him heavily. It’s eating him alive. But what could he have possibly done that has turned everyone against him, including himself?
“Sometimes the negative thoughts become too powerful, especially if everyone around is reminding you of them constantly.” I caress his face. “You need to talk this out, not keep it all in. Tell me what plagues you the most.”
“I spent my entire life blaming the wrong person for all the hardships in my life. Every action of mine had a single motive and it was to make them pay.”
“Your brother,” I state.
“Yeah, Kian.” Guilt laces his voice. “When he cut me out of his life without any explanation, I felt betrayed and lost. I couldn’t understand why he would just up and leave one day, not even taking all of his belongings. I chased him, called him, begged him for a reason, but he never answered. It wasn’t until last year that I found out that he didn’t walk out on our family, but my father who pushed him into leaving.”
My gasp is loud, buzzing through my entire body. Just when I think Rakesh Singhania couldn’t stoop so low, he goes and proves me wrong again.
What kind of man separates two brothers?
