Nathan’s tone deepens with anguish as he says, “Kian hid it because he wanted to protect me and not destroy my relationship with my parents. Little did he know his departure made my life hell instead. My dad became significantly harsher and abusive. While my mother turned a blind eye.”
“I’m so sorry you went through all of this.” It cuts me deep to learn about much he suffered. “You were just a kid. You didn’t deserve any of it, Nathan.”
He swallows, jaw tight. “My abandonment issues stem from being separated from my older brother. I was angry and depressed all the time. I didn’t let anyone in except for Nova. I think it was because we both grew up in a toxic family.”
“That voice inside your head telling you are unworthy of love. Don’t listen to it.”
He turns until we’re lying sideways. His eyes glassy with unshed tears. “I am trying, angel. The only time I’m at peace is when I’m with you. You switch off the chaos in my head.”
My heart thuds, my chest constricting with love. “I do?”
“Yeah,” he whispers, his lips tilting in the corner. His gaze runs all over my face as he says, “I crave to be with you all the time. I know that sounds unhealthy and might make you scared, but it’s how I feel.”
“It doesn’t. I’m always here for you,” I assure him. “Were you having those same thoughts last night before you came here?”
“I was.”
Something breaks inside me at the restless expression on his face. “Have you tried getting help? Maybe therapy? Because you can’t live like this, Nathan.”
“I found a solution.”
A sinking feeling rises in the pit of my stomach. “What?”
“Drinking till I pass out,” he reveals in a hollow timber, embarrassment and fear of judgment shadowing his features.
All I feel is deep sorrow that his demons pushed him toward alcohol. The fact he’s sharing it with me is a big step. He’s not in denial. You can’t help a person who is. “How long have you been drinking to cope?”
“Over a year. It started with one sip and before I knew it, I was sinking into a bottle every night. As long as I didn’t have to think and avoid nightmares, it felt like the perfect friend.”
I recall the night I showed up at his door to seduce him. I knew I smelled liquor on his breath. He must’ve been drinking that night too.
“You can’t go on like this,” I softly warn him.
“I don’t want to,” he admits with steel in his voice. “I want to get better for you… for us. I don’t want to depend on addictions that could ruin what we have.” Touching my face with his palm, he anxiously whispers, “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not losing me.” I place my hand over his, squeezing it. “Promise me you won’t drink again. If you ever have the urge and I’m not with you, you will call me.”
“I promise.”
“And you’ll spend every night with me, whether at my place or yours.”
“You won’t get tired of me?” he teases, relief and joy brightening his face.
“Just making sure you keep your word of being a clingy boyfriend.”
A husky laugh burst out of him. His head dips, burying in the crook of my neck and sucking on my skin softly. “You make everything better.”
“Thank you for telling me the truth.” I run my fingers through his tussled hair. “I know it must’ve been hard.”
“It’s difficult for me to express myself,” he admits, leaning up on his elbow to gaze down at me with a frown marring his forehead. “Sometimes I feel no one is interested in what I have tosay. I’ve kept myself closed off for so long that my first instinct is to shut people out.”
“It’s your parent’s fault for neglecting you that made you this way. The result of everything you went through while growing up.”
“They pretended everything was perfect at home. That we were one big happy family. All I felt was claustrophobic living in that house. I would stay out and party till morning or go on vacation just so I didn’t have to be there.”
“It was the same for me. My dad is so strict and old fashioned. Sometimes it shocks me that he even allowed me to have a career, instead of marrying me off. Bianca thought I didn’t feel the tension in the house, or heard our parent’s arguments, but I felt and heard it all. It’s why I tried to please them all the time. I thought if I did everything they said and be the perfect daughter, they’d be happy. But I was wrong.”
The brush of Nathan’s thumb on my cheek jolts me. The wetness on my lips makes me realize I’m crying.
