“Good night, Aisha.”
* * *
I have been avoiding Reyansh since this morning. I realized overnight that I was doing a shitty job at keeping to myself. I promised myself that I won’t give in to his attempts, but still I find myself yearning for his touch. But every time he is near me, every time I become aware of his presence around me, my heart wants to leap out of my chest and run towards him.
And that is bad. Extremely bad. No matter what he says, no matter what he does, the negative thoughts in my mind won’t go away instantly. Just because he says he wants me and that he never stopped loving me doesn’t mean that I instantly believe him.
“Aisha,” he calls my name, and my heart starts beating loudly. To avoid him, I had started cooking in the kitchen, which is so unlike me from the past few days. Ever since our moms arrived, I haven’t had to cook anything. It is a relief, but the longer they stay, the longer I am going to get accustomed to not doing everything on my own, and that is a bad thing.
I know they will have to leave soon, that they are just here because of our divorce. I think I might have figured out how they suddenly planned to visit us at the same time.
My mother would rather eat cold food than sit at her own daughter’s home for too long. Something about her old upbringing, which is absolutely bullshit, but I know better than to make her do something she doesn’t want to do. I can’t challenge her beliefs because she simply refuses to acknowledge that they were rooted more in patriarchy and misogyny than in practicality and love.
“Aisha,” he says, his voice stern now, and I turn around to face him. A ball of dough in my hand. “Why are you avoiding me?”
“What?” I fake innocence even though I know he can see right through me. “I am not avoiding you.”
He narrows his eyes, and I begin to turn away, only for him to stop me by pulling me towards him by the waist. I check behind him to see if our moms are there, but it seems like they have chosen to hibernate in their room.
“I am not an idiot,” he says matter-of-factly.
“I am glad you finally understood what I have been trying to tell you for ages,” I say, faking normalcy when actually I am just another one of his touches close to having an attack.
What the hell?
“Don’t be sarcastic,meri jaan,” he says, his head near my face, and while I want to move back, I also don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his actions, his nearness, and our physical proximity affect me.
Because it doesn’t, right?
“I know you have been avoiding me,” he says, and I look away because I can’t meet his eyes. He has started to look at me the way he used to in the past. The way I am the only one who exists in his world. That look has played a significant role in my life.
I have always loved the way he looked at me because it made me feel important. It made me feel as if I didn’t need to do too much to be seen or heard, and after having spent my entire lifelooking after other people, after only being heard when needed, that healed a part of me I ignored for the longest time.
“I am not avoiding you,” I say, taking a minor step away from him. His hold on me is too strong, and I don’t make it too far. “I am just trying to sort out my thoughts in silence.”
I mean, that isn’t untrue, right?
His eyes soften around the edges, and I take a deep breath. I don’t know what we are doing; I have no clue if we are headed in the right direction or not. All I know is that I have seen how it all plays out with him, between us, and I don’t want to repeat history.
All I know is that I have started feeling safe with him again, and that is not a good indication.
His fingers brush through my cheek, and I suck in a breath, not sure what he is doing. Is he…going to kiss me?
His fingertips brush through my ear before he cups my cheek and brings my face closer to his; dipping his head, he presses a soft kiss on my skin.
God, his touch, his lips feel too good on my skin.
“I know what you are thinking, Aisha,” he whispers against my skin. “I hope you know that I meant every word I said to you last night.”
I remember them all too well. In fact, his words are engraved in my mind by now.
He takes a step back, and I force my mind to not mourn his loss.
“I came here to remind you that Aarav’s event is tonight,” he says, and realization hits me. I totally forgot about it. I also don’t have an outfit for it.
Fuck.
“Oh, I don’t have an outfit for it.” I cover my eyes, and I just know he is judging me.
