“What?” I had asked, surprised because while I knew this relationship was unlike other relationships, I didn’t know that he would say the words I felt instantly. I thought, like any other man, he would wait at least three months to say them to see if it was worth it.
But he was unlike any other man, wasn’t he?
“I don’t know, and I frankly don’t care if it is too early to say these words. But I have been feeling them since the day we met; I just couldn’t keep them in anymore. I love you so much,meri jaan. You are the only one for me.”
A whole zoo of emotions erupted in my body as I brought his face closer to mine, my fingers gripping his hair in my hold.
“I love you too, Reyansh Carter. I love you so very much, you have no idea.”
And then he kissed me, and that moment was tattooed in my mind like a movie scene that you could never forget.
So when today, he whispered the words to me before leaving, the flashbacks of this day flooded my mind.
I stood rooted in my spot for five minutes as the mothers went to do their work. It wasn’t until Mom called me for help in the kitchen that I came back to reality.
I didn’t even realize how starved I was to hear those words the same way once again. We had gone so long without hearing and saying them that I had forgotten their impact.
He had said the same words to me a few times over the past few days, but today they felt different. Especially after the conversation we had just had.
When he called me “meri jaan” again on the phone, I went in that zone again. Are things becoming better between us? Are we going back to who we were again? These questions bulldozed me.
The scary part of us going back to who we were was not our relationship but the thought of us becoming what we are today once again. I don’t know what it is, but ever since we have been coerced to stay together for three months, ever since he started going back to his old self and making me feel this way, I have had a genuine fear of us getting back together and then, a few years down the line, when I won’t have the courage to break free, finding ourselves back in this spot.
I can obviously solve these things if I talk about them with him, but who am I if not a big hypocrite when it comes to talking about my feelings?
“Mom,” I said as she looked up from her phone. I actually feel a lot closer to Mom on some days than I do with my own mother. I don’t know what it is, because Mom has always prioritized me over Reyansh or something else. But I am grateful I got lucky with a mother-in-law like her who doesn’t hesitate in calling out her own son.
“Yes, darling?”
“Reyansh will be home late. Around midnight so you can go to sleep. You don’t have to wait for him.”
“Oh,” she said, and I wondered if she had something to say to him. “I thought we could sit and chat.”
I gave her a small smile. I know she misses him. Their bond is sweet, and I know in the past few years, with work and life, Reyansh has drifted away from her a little. It started happening when he started scaling Carter & Co.; he slowly forgot about the people that were the most important to him.
What I never understood was how she never let her disappointment with him show. Because I did. Even after trying to keep it together, I couldn’t hold back.
“Mom, I have a question,” I said, taking a seat in front of her.
“What is it?”
“How come you never had a breaking point with Reyansh’s antics? I know my relationship with him suffered, but I also know you had a lot of expectations with him, and he drifted away from not just me but you and Dad too. How come you never said anything to him? Never gave up on him?”
She smiled and took my left hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“Being a mother brings out a lot of changes in you,” she says. “One of them is learning to let go of the people that mean a lot to you. Since the day Reyansh came into my life, I knew I would have to let him go and be a person of his own.”
I nodded; that is something only a mother can feel and do.
“So, when he grew up, went to school, and went to university, I was well-prepared for that distance. Sure, when he stopped being there as a son for me and his dad, it hurt a little. Because even with him growing up and chasing his life and dreams, that had never happened.”
“Why did you never say anything to him then?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I didn’t want to interfere in his life. More so, I wanted him to find his way back to his original self. I didn’t know he would fuck his life up. They don’t teach you to give up on your kids in motherhood.”
I chuckled. “Motherhood sounds a lot tougher than fun.”
“That it is. I didn’t think he would hurt you as much as he did, darling. Especially since he adored you the moment his eyes found you.”
