She lay cool fingers on my wrist. “That is what I wished to speak to you about,” she said before withdrawing her hand.
I stiffened my spine in anticipation of a familiar argument. She blamed me for Oliver postponing the announcement. Of course, she tended to blame me for many things that weren’t in my control. “All right.”
“I’m worried that Oliver is having second thoughts. Your father spoke with him today, and he was evasive when your father made mention of an announcement for theTimes,” Mother said. Her chair moved faster, the creak more pronounced. Sam shifted his head from the left to the right, burying his nose in the lace at her neck. With a gentle hand on his bottom, she rocked him.
A chill of foreboding rushed along my every nerve. Forcing Oliver to marry me only made my mortification worse. My conversation with Noah had calmed me somewhat, but the fear was back in spades. Throat tight, I shifted John’s body and cradled him across my chest. He sniffled and wiped at his nosewith one fist. “If Oliver doesn’t wish to marry me, I won’t force the issue. I needn’t remind you that our year of mourning is not up for three days. Even so, there is no deadline on marriage proposals.”
The reminder settled heavily between us. Mother’s gaze was locked on the far wall, her mouth pinched. I looked for tears in her eyes, but she rarely exhibited any weakness in front of me. Mother exhaled as she stared at me for a long, uncomfortable moment. “You are a pretty girl, but time is not your friend. You are nineteen and practically on the shelf.”
“You needn’t remind me,” I snapped, glancing down at John’s sleeping face. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been crying before I had arrived. He often wore himself out when he was sick. I placed a kiss on his smooth brow.
“You are very good with the boys.”
The compliment caught me off guard after her harsh reminder. It was unfair that women were devalued the older they became. “I love them with all of my heart.”
“I wish Sally had been here to see them,” she said, her voice catching at the end of her comment, a rare slip on her part. “They need a mother to raise them, not a nursemaid.”
“Are you suggesting that Noah find someone to marry?” If he married, he’d take the boys away. Panic shot through me, and I willed it back. “He never mentioned the desire to marry again.”
“It is a genuine possibility. I see the way he looks at you.”
I froze, my chest tight with apprehension. Mother never spoke without a purpose. Had she guessed my past infatuation with the dashing naval officer? Best to play ignorant. “Beg pardon?”
The creaking of the rocker halted, and she angled her head, inspecting me with an intense regard that made me instantly uncomfortable. “Don’t be dense, girl. I am saying that if Oliverdoesn’t come up to snuff by week’s end, I suggest you consider marrying Noah.”
Me marry Noah? Mother was watching me like a hawk as I rolled the idea around in my stunned mind. He was charming and was rarely if ever, rattled. I liked his calm manner and how he seemed to know the right thing to say. We spent a lot of time with the children, and I admired the way he handled the boisterous boys with a gentle hand. Unlike the parents of the deceased, a widower’s estimated mourning period was three months. It was expected by everyone that he’d marry again. “Noah still loves Sally,” I said.
She waved away my argument with a dismissive hand before she adjusted Sam in her arms. The shoulder of her black dress was spotted with drool from the child. Determination tightened her jaw, and Mother determined was a thing to be reckoned with. “He is a widower with three children who need a mother. With his pleasant looks and temperament, he will eventually marry again. He is a young and viral man with a title, and once he weds, he will take the boys and move to his own estate.”
It appalled me to admit I agreed with my mother. I loved Noah, but was I in love with him? I was definitely in love with Oliver and had dreamed of being his wife since the tender age of six.
“Yes. I lost my daughter to the Lord, and my own son abandoned our family when we needed him most.” Anguish twisted her mouth, her eyes alight with anxiety. Finally, a crack in her demeanor. “I don’t wish to lose my grandchildren. It is imperative they live here with me.”
My heart leaped into my throat at the haunting sight. Sally had worn the same look right up until her death. I had caught her in the chair Mother sat in, inconsolable. The next morning, Mother found her dead. A burning need to sob nearly overcame me as the tears returned. “You will never lose them. Noah isn’t acruel sort, nor has Albert truly abandoned us. He simply went to visit his wife’s family in India.”
Mother and my sister-in-law were constantly at odds. The two women were very much alike, both always trying to control everything around them. I often wondered if Albert realized he married a version of his mother or perhaps he had done so on purpose. He’d never been much of a leader, more of a follower, and his wife definitely led him on a merry chase.
“What if Noah marries and his new wife is like Albert’s wife, a harridan who wishes to make him live halfway across the world?” She worried her bottom lip, shaking her head. Vulnerability rested just beneath the surface of her calm. “Do you want to take the risk?” she asked.
My shoulders sagged with exhaustion. She was placing the burden on me. It was unfair and, at this juncture, a moot point. I wasn’t giving up on Oliver, although following my attraction for Noah was tempting. “Once I’m the duchess, I will no longer be living here either. Regardless, the decision is out of our hands.”
“No, the decision is yours. You have to make things happen, Amelia, you said so yourself on numerous occasions.” She flashed me a mischievous grin, erasing years off her countenance. Mother was not yet fifty. Grief had stripped her youth from her face. “What say you, my child?”
I stared at her for a long moment, my mind awhirl. For as long as I could remember, I planned on marrying Oliver. But he’d shown his reluctance, and the last thing I wanted to do was force him into a marriage he didn’t want. What she said made sense. If Oliver didn’t come up to snuff, Noah and I might make a suitable match. Either way, I would be with a man I desired and loved. It was unfortunate that I couldn’t have both men.
My head screamed foul at my wicked thoughts, but my body begged yes.
There was one glaring fault in her suggestion; Noah would most definitely have something to say about the matter. He loved my sister, and try as I might, I could never compete with her memory.
