“Papa, Papa,” Ethan rushed across the lawn and threw himself at me with a wide grin.
“Rapscallion.” I bent and caught him in my arms, throwing him high and catching him. Joy lightened his expression, his blond hair blowing in the breeze. He’d grown so much and looked more like his mother every day. Thoughts of Sally were bittersweet. Unlike many men of my station, I enjoyed spending time with my children. I visited them in the nursery and atebreakfast with my three boys every morning. Amelia often joined us, which made it all the harder to ignore the enticement she presented. “Did you escape from Miss Penny again?” I asked. It was becoming a bad habit of his to leave the nursery without permission.
He wrapped his arms around my neck and twisted to look at Amelia, ignoring my question. “Auntie Amelia said we could play hide and seek after I ate.”
“I said after your nap.” She lifted one arched brow and wagged a finger while suppressing a smile. Like me, she had a hard time telling him no. “Your father asked you a question. It is impolite not to answer it.”
The much-harried nursemaid was rushing across the lawn in our direction, and Ethan clung tighter to me. “I don’t wish to take a nap. I’m not a baby, Papa.”
“No, you are not.” Miss Penny had fixed his hair and removed the grime from his cheek. His coat was still askew, and his breeches had grass stains on the knees. He’d been three when Sally died; I told him stories about her, hoping to give him some good memories to last him through his lifetime. “However, I can’t have you wandering around the house alone without supervision.”
“I am so sorry, my lord.” Miss Penny reached my side, panic tightening her expression. Soon my son would need to be moved from the nursery into his own room. I dreaded the day because it meant he was no longer my little boy. “Master Ethan, you gave me such a fright,” she said.
“Indeed, you must apologize to Miss Penny, Ethan,” Amelia said. She’d become a big part of the boys’ lives, and they loved her unconditionally. I had no doubt she’d make a wonderful mother to her own children. A tad bit of jealousy hit me. I had vowed after my wife died that I would never marry again, nomatter how tempting. My biggest regret would be that I wouldn’t have any more children.
Ethan angled his head and inspected me, hopefulness residing in his eyes. “Please Papa, I don’t want to go. I want to play hide and seek.”
I wanted to give in to his pleading, but I couldn’t. He might not wish to take a nap, but he was exhausted from his earlier play. “You will do what your Aunt Amelia instructed.”
A tear traced a path down his downy cheek, and his lower lip quivered. He rested his head on my shoulder. “I am sorry, Miss Penny,” he said in a barely audible voice.
“Thank you. Now you must go take a nap, and when you wake up, we can play a game of jacks.” I kissed his temple before lowering him to his feet. He lifted his hand to Miss Penny. Assured he was in good hands, I turned my attention to Amelia.
The charcoal military-style coat she wore enhanced her generous bosom, and the matching walking skirt was draped provocatively over her rounded hips. Her attitude, however, seemed destined to be somber.
“Don’t let your mother’s words color your mood. You will soon be married to Oliver and have your own household,” I said. Oliver and Amelia had been thick as thieves since I’d known them. The two of them got along well; however, there was a noticeable tension lately, which I sensed had to do with his reluctance to wed her. Of course, I wasn’t around all the time. In reciprocity for living with the earl, I assisted him with his extensive estates both in England and Scotland since his son Albert was in India.
“Once he proposes.” She bit her bottom lip, the pink flesh a temptation unto itself. “Lately he seems, well, he doesn’t seem very enthusiastic to ask me.”
“Hehasbeen under a lot of pressure, as have you. Asking for your hand is a monumental decision that neither one ofyou should take lightly,” I said. I walked a precarious line since I seemed to be in each of their confidences. “Has he said something to you that would make you think otherwise?”
“Other than the fact he wanted to wait until the season was over before he made the offer?” She lowered her lashes, blocking her eyes from view. “He claimed he wanted to wait so I could meet other gentlemen, but I didn’t need to meet anyone else to know I wanted to marry Oliver. Unless...” Her eyes widened in shock. “Unless he wished to meet other ladies, which means he’s not sure. Why didn’t I think of this before?”
“This might be an unpopular take, but meeting others was a wise idea. It allowed both of you to be sure of your decision.” I’d met Sally during her coming out season. She was kind and beautiful, two traits that appealed to me, but I was a military man, and I had to be sure she accepted I would be out to sea for months on end. Several other ladies I’d courted weren’t open to such a life. Sally had voiced no qualms, and choosing her as my bride seemed right.
“I understand his reasons. However, he never asked for my opinion on that score. It is very unfair that a woman must wait for a man to ask for her hand.” She fiddled with the chipped nail on her index finger. “Both Mother and Sally were married at eighteen and had their first child by the time they were my age.”
“Life is full of unfairness, but you must keep this in perspective. Oliverwillpropose, and you will become the Duchess of Hayesford at the ripe old age of nineteen.” I reached out and clasped her hands in mine, the skin smooth under my palm. Unable to resist, I brushed my thumb over her silky knuckle. Sally had been thrilled at the thought of a child. I’d been home long enough to see Ethan born before I shipped out to sea once more.
“You must think I am a spoiled child.” She glanced up at me through her lashes, an impish grin curving her mouth. “Sally was always the sensible one.”
Sally’s name triggered a rush of guilt. I dropped her hand and tried to get ahold of my wayward thoughts. Amelia was my sister-in-law. She was off limits if for no other reason than her impending engagement with Oliver. “You are not your sister.”
“No, I am not perfect like Sally,” she said, the teasing light disappearing from her eyes.
“Sally wasn’t perfect, Amelia.” I loved my wife, but she had flaws. Sometimes her moods shifted, and she isolated herself in her room. It had been especially noticeable after the twins were born. She never recovered from the difficult delivery. I blamed myself for her death. She hadn’t wished to have more children after Ethan, but fate had intervened. “Nobody is perfect. Well, perhaps me, but I digress.”
“Such modesty,” she said. Gentle laughter spilled from her tempting mouth.
“Indeed.” I often found it easier to deal with life’s disappointments through humor. If not, I might find myself stuck in the bottom of the gin bottle.
She laid her hand on my arm, the subtle fragrance of flowers clinging to her. “I was half teasing this afternoon about going to the races. Won’t you change your mind and take me with you? At three years old, Aether is already legendary, and I fear he will no longer be running by the time I am allowed to attend.”
If I gave in to her request, we’d have to be clandestine about it. Oliver’s arguments were solid. Although I was a suitable escort for her while I was married to Sally, I was a widower now. What she proposed would blur the line of propriety, and if the earl interpreted it the wrong way, I would have to do the right thing by Amelia.
She was a lady, and I was a man who was afraid to be with a woman lest I lose my heart once more. No, being with a man was much more innocuous to my peace of mind. Oliver was the wiser choice, although I wasn’t certain he was any safer to pursue an affair with. Perhaps another trip to France might be in order to assuage my growing need. I never considered myself a degenerate. Apparently, that was changing fast.
