“Yes, I would imagine you are. As am I, however, there is no rest for the wicked.” He tilted his head to meet my heavy-eyed stare and offered a sheepish smile. “I would like to stay thus all night. However, we both have duties we can’t shirk.”
The euphoria I’d experienced deflated at the reminder. “Oh, bother. Grandmama won’t be pleased if I’m late, and since her health has been declining, I...” I trailed off, not wishing to tarnish our encounter with my troubles. Nobody but my immediate family knew of her ever-growing illness. She was strong-willed and refused to let the outside world know of her weakened state, hence her insistence we attend the palace dinner.
“Is she in a bad way?” Noah shifted, his hard body emanating heat and a tantalizing scent unique to him. Amelia smelled like roses, sweet and floral. I frowned at the wayward thought. The physical release became tainted with my dilemma, and the trapped feeling I’d been experiencing of late tightened my chest.
“Is she the reason you seemed preoccupied of late? Amelia said you were distracted, and she feared it might have somethingto do with your impending engagement,” Noah said in a quiet voice. He cupped my cheek and pressed a kiss to my mouth before he pulled back. Knowing eyes held mine.
“It does, and it doesn’t.” I hissed air from between my clenched jaw, wanting to disclose all, but still, I hesitated. “It’s more about what we just did. I...oh bloody hell, how did you live a double life with such ease?”
Noah tilted his head, his forehead furrowed. His gentle palm continued to warm my cheek, forcing me to keep looking at him. “It’s never been with ease. Until Sally, um, died, I hadn’t explored this side of myself. But once I started to, I noticed something you need to be aware of. There are a lot of men out there like us. However, never, under any circumstances, tip your hand unless you know the man you’re interested in feels the same way you do.”
“Like you did with the play on words?” I asked, still puzzled about how he guessed my secret.
“Yes, and even that was foolish.” He flashed a sardonic grin, his full bottom lip distracting me. “If you had taken offense and told anyone, I could have been socially ruined. However, I am titled as are you. We would have weathered the storm. Our lovers might not be that fortunate.”
“I understand all too well. When I was thirteen, my father hired a very appealing groom. I followed the groom around the stables for days. Every time he smiled at me, I nearly spunked. I raced to my room, and, well, I pleasured myself.” Even thinking about the man stirred my blood and added to my shameful past.
“For a young man, it must have been rough. Although recalling my own youth, I had a comparable situation with the chambermaid.” His chuckle warmed my heart. “Only she knew of my infatuation and had a lark teasing me. I enjoyed the flirtation immensely, but my mother wasn’t amused. Sheforbade me to speak with the girl, fearing I would do more than flirt.”
“My father caught me spying on the groom and one of the maids while he bedded the wench. As you can imagine, I was fully erect from seeing his cock, and couldn’t hide my body’s response.” Heat rushed into my face, humiliation burning my cheeks at the memory. “My father and I were supposed to go hunting, and he, well, he changed our plans and took me to a brothel instead.”
“You wouldn’t be the first young man to enjoy watching bed sport. I assume your father thought it was the maid who caught your attention?”
“Yes, I let him assume that.” I rubbed a hand over my forehead. This afternoon had been a dream come true, yet I was retelling a nightmare. “The doxy at the brothel knew I was scared, and she tried her best to coax me into a more relaxed state, but frankly, I was disgusted. Not by her but by my surroundings and, more importantly, my inadequacies. She was very pretty, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to lie with her. Thankfully, she wasn’t offended. Amelia, however, would most definitely take offense if I couldn’t perform with her.”
The clock chimed the hour. My time with Noah had ended.
He crawled off my lap, his trousers open at the waist. Strong fingers fastened the material, righting himself. “The situation with Amelia will be different. She will be your wife. You love her.”
“I do love her, but how can I be sure?” I shook my head, following his lead. Oh, how I wish I could leave the world on the other side of that door and spend more time with Noah. He’d been able to pleasure me. I wished to do the same for him.
“I will help you be sure.” He settled his hands on his hips and exhaled, offering me an encouraging smile.
“Short of you being in my marriage bed, how do you propose to help?” Noah in my bed sent a rush of desire through my being, and I rose on shaky legs. Like him, my clothing had been askew, and I tucked my shirttails into my trousers.
“Amelia might have something to say about that. However, I have caught you kissing her, if you recall. You appeared to be enjoying her kisses,” he said, lifting his half-full glass from the table and downing the amber liquid.
“Yes, I do enjoy her kisses.” I hadn’t thought I would at first, but I wasn’t repulsed; quite the contrary. “But kissing her and bedding her is not the same.”
“Yes and no. For women, it’s often the more important part of the coupling. But I digress.” He approached me, his tawny eyes velvety in the dim light afforded by the gas lamp. “If your only reason for not proposing to Amelia is that you are afraid you won’t be able to bed her, then you are doing both you and her a disservice. She loves you, and you should either ask for her hand or let her find another man who will.”
“No, absolutely not.” Everything inside me rebelled at losing Amelia to some unknown man. I had made her a promise and needed to live up to the promise or risk losing her.
“Then you have your answer. Ask her, Oliver.” He pulled me into a quick embrace; the woodsy scent of aloes wood and spice tickled my nose, along with enticing man. Too soon, he withdrew.
“I must leave.” I walked to the door with him, wishing to prolong the moment, but I had duties to attend to.
“I will make arrangements for our outing on Friday.” He placed a hand on my arse and squeezed, his mouth finding my earlobe. Hearty laughter echoed in my ears, and I tried to tamp down my excitement. The servants had eyes, and rumors would swirl if they saw the bulge in my trousers.
“Until tomorrow night then,” he said, opening the door.
“Good night, Noah, and thank you. Thank you for everything.” As I accepted my hat and coat from the butler, the burden I had carried seemed to melt away. Thus far, his friendship was invaluable. The new layer to our relationship was exciting yet frightening. Talking to Noah had loosened my anxiety over my wedding night. Soon, my engagement would be official, and Amelia would take her place as my duchess. His warning about our affair being casual still sat heavily in my mind. I couldn’t commit to more than what we’d shared, either. One more night and then our affair would be a fond memory.
