I just want to sleep and feel human again. And maybe I want to be well rested for when I see Arthur tomorrow.
Bee is here tonight, and I’m seeing her for the first time since before my date. To tell the truth, I entirely forgot about her these last two days, and I’m not overly eager to jump into a conversation now. It’s not like I’m avoiding her. Definitely not. In fact I’m in the unprecedented situation of wanting to discuss (confront) some negative feelings (anger, hurt) that Bee has unintentionally elicited from me. It’s just not the time.
She’s a bit preoccupied with carrots and San Daniele anyway. And then she slips out while I’m in the kitchen serving mains.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I go into the glass room to see who it is, if my thinking of Arthur has conjured him into my phone.
It’s Bee. She probably wants me to stop at 7-Eleven for something on the way home. Or she’s drunk texting while watchingBelow Deckagain.
I am confronted by a wall of text.
It must be serious because she has used proper grammar and everything.
Hi. I have been trying to figure out how
to reach out about this because we are in
such a weird place, but this is just creating
so much anxiety for me. I need to say
it without interruption. I really hate this
distance between us. But at this point, I feel
like I’m trying SO hard to be friends with
someone who just isn’t very interested. I
have spent some time meditating on what
has gone wrong in these last few months,
and I keep coming back to what I feel is an
imbalance of effort in our friendship. I clearly
communicated to you months ago that I felt
you were less present in our relationship,
and I have seen no meaningful attempts
at change. I just keep wondering why the
sudden shift in behaviour. We used to be
such good friends. We used to do everything
together. Everyone keeps telling me it’s
jealousy or just dissatisfaction with your own
life, but projecting your problems onto me and
treating me like shit when I’ve done nothing to
you is a really poor way to deal with whatever
