“Ah, see?” Marin interrupted. “You’re willing to make excuses for me but not for yourself. Why?”
Brianna opened her mouth, then closed it. She looked away, her expression heartbreakingly vulnerable.
“Be kind to yourself,” Marin told her gently. “Coming out is something you do foryou, right? Not for anyone else.”
“Do you ever wish you’d been braver?” Brianna asked quietly. “That you’d found the courage to come out sooner?”
Marin exhaled. Brianna’s question landed like a gut punch, but she knew it had been asked in innocence. “Of course I sometimes wonder how different my life might be if I’d come out sooner, but mostly, I try to take my own advice and cut myself some slack. I was doing the best I could at the time, and ...” She looked up at the gray, cloudy sky, then back at Brianna. “I try to live my life without regrets. It’s an exercise in frustration to spend too much time on what-ifs. They keep you mired in the past instead of looking ahead to the future.”
Brianna was quiet for several long seconds, lips pursed.
“Don’t rush this, okay?” Marin pressed. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. There is absolutely no reason that you need to come out in college. The fact that you’re having such a hard time with it tells me that it’s probably not the right time for you yet. So just ... give yourself a break. It’s okay to take your time.”
“I guess.” Brianna shrugged, but she looked calmer now. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
“Anytime,” Marin told her. “I mean that. Also, I really do think it could help to talk to one of the counselors here. It’s free and confidential.”
“It’s free? Like, totally free?”
“Yes, and your parents don’t need to know you’re going. Think about it.”
“Okay.” Brianna gave her a small smile and started walking in the direction of the dorms. Marin watched her for a few seconds, then turned in the opposite direction. She was headed to her apartment to pick up the last few boxes and Ember, and then they were going to spend the evening together at the house.
Yet another fresh start in a year that had already been full of them. Marin had spent most of the week distracted by her feelings for Charlotte and the mess that had become of their friendship. She hadn’t heard a word from Charlotte all week, and it was killing her.
Her advice to Brianna was ringing in her ears as she walked to her car. No regrets. Right? She wouldn’t take back her kiss with Charlotte, the intensity of the passion, the need, theyearningshe’d felt in those moments. But as much as that kiss had rocked her world, if it ruined her friendship with Charlotte ...
Okay, Marin might havesomeregrets.
More than anything, she wanted to know what Charlotte was thinking. She’d mentioned soul-searching and figuring out what this meant for her. Was she questioning her sexuality? Did she feel pressured to come out before she was ready, much like Brianna? Had Marin inadvertently made her feel that way? She understood why Charlotte wouldn’t want to discuss it with her, after their kiss, but she hoped Charlotte hadsomeoneshe could talk to.
With a sigh, Marin slid into her car. Ten minutes later, she let herself into her apartment. Immediately, she heard Ember bouncing excitedly in her crate. Ember was old enough now to stay by herself for a few hours while Marin taught.
“Hey, puppy!” She walked into the bedroom, eyeing the boxes stacked against the wall. She’d arranged for the college guys upstairs to come down shortly and load them into her car, a fact she was intensely grateful for now, because her whole body ached.
Maybe it was the weather or the extra stress she’d been under. Some days, her body just felt the trauma of what it had endured two years ago. She had an appreciation for the pain, though, because it was a reminder that she’d survived. Not many people could say their heart had stopped. Marin was a member of the near-death experience club, and she didn’t take that lightly.
Rubbing absently at her hip, she opened the crate and greeted the excited puppy who bounded into her arms. “Hey, you. Let’s go outside, okay? Then it’s time to load up and head over to our new house. I don’t know about you, but I’m excited.”
Ember’s whirling tail indicated she was excited too. Marin took her outside, then tossed a few last odds and ends into a box and beganmoving what she could to the car. A few minutes later, the students from the top floor arrived to load the rest of the boxes for her. She paid them, and then ... it was time.
She put Ember in her crate on the back seat. “Ready, puppy? We’re going home.”
Chapter Seventeen
Marin lost track of time as she unpacked boxes and got everything set up for her first night in the new house. She hadn’t brought much with her to Vermont, mostly clothes for her new job. She’d let Andrew keep the house they’d lived in when they were married, accepting payment for her half of the property as part of the divorce settlement.
Consequently, the new house was looking pretty bare at the moment. She’d purchased a few essentials over the last few weeks, including bedroom furniture and a sofa for the living room, but the walls needed art and shelves and all sorts of things that she absolutely couldn’t wait to find. She was going to have so much fun making this househers.
“Ember, where are you?” she called, realizing she hadn’t seen the puppy for a few minutes. Ember was having a blast exploring every nook and cranny of her new home, but while there wasn’t much here yet that she could get into trouble with, Marin also didn’t like to let her out of her sight for too long. A quiet puppy generally meant trouble, in her experience.
Marin walked toward the bedroom, trying not to limp. Her leg was so stiff, but favoring it usually made it worse, so she did her best to walk normally. She’d do extra stretching exercises this evening to compensate. She found Ember in the bedroom, ears back and looking chagrined. A puddle of pee was nearby on the floor.
“Uh-oh,” Marin said. “We lost our potty routine in the new house, didn’t we? You didn’t know how to ask. Okay. Let’s clean that up and go outside.”
Luckily, she knew where the box containing her cleaning supplies was, so she dropped a few paper towels over the puddle, then took Ember out back, in case she still needed to go. Sure enough, she squatted again now that she was outside.
It took Marin longer to find the bottle of enzymatic cleaner she used on puppy accidents. She was getting frustrated by the time she finally found it, not in the box of cleaning supplies, but with the toiletries in the master bathroom. “For fuck’s sake,” she muttered as she crouched awkwardly to clean up the mess. Her leg wasreallyangry with her today.
