“Well, I’m a little older than you,” Marin said, eyes sparkling playfully. “But no, it’s not weird for me because of the age gap between me and my siblings. That’s my normal. My mom was about my age now when she had me.”
“Did you ever want kids?” Charlotte asked, then waved a hand in front of her face. “Sorry, that was insensitive of me to ask. A friend of mine went through years of infertility, and she told me how hurtful it was when people asked her why she didn’t have kids.”
“I don’t mind you asking,” Marin said. “I did want kids, but I never tried to have one. It never felt like the right time with Andrew, and he didn’t particularly want them, so he never pushed me about it. In hindsight, I think I just didn’t want to tie myself to him that way.”
That was a more honest and in-depth answer than Charlotte had been expecting. “I get that. When I was younger, I wanted kids, too, but I never had the right partner, and I didn’t want them badly enough to consider intentionally becoming a single mom. Now, I guess the urge has passed. I like my independence too much.”
“The urge has passed for me too. There are a lot of things I want from my new life, but children aren’t one of them.”
“Except as their teacher?”
“College students aren’t exactly children, but yes.” Marin’s face softened. “That I’m enjoying quite a lot.”
“Good. So far, your new life here seems to be working out just as you’d hoped.”
“Except for dating,” Marin said. “That’s going more slowly than I’d like, although Laura and I are actually hoping to meet soon.”
“Exciting.” But Charlotte felt something ugly twist in her chest at the thought of Marin going on a date with Laura. It was the same way she’d felt when Elena ditched her to go to the prom with Marcus. Maybe Charlotte was a terrible friend who wanted her friends to be single just because she was. She didn’t like what that said about her.
“I’ll just need to coordinate our date around Ji-Yoon’s availability to watch Ember.” She gestured toward the black puppy, who was still fast asleep in her dog bed.
“I can watch her if Ji-Yoon can’t,” Charlotte offered, determined not to repeat the mistakes of her past. She wouldn’t lose Marin the way she’d lost Elena. “I’d be happy to.”
“Oh, you’ve already done enough,” Marin deflected.
“Nonsense. It would be fun to watch her for a few hours.” This time, Charlotte would be a good and supportive friend. “Nothing’s going to get in the way of your date with Laura.”
Marin admired the framed photo of her and Ember on the shelf in her living room. Charlotte had taken the picture of them last week. In it, Ember sat on Marin’s lap, gazing up at her with those big brown eyes while Marin smiled at the camera, and she almost didn’t recognize herself, she looked so happy. Shefelthappy.
She’d been floored when Charlotte showed up at her apartment unexpectedly on February fourteenth, holding a pink-wrapped gift and a bouquet of flowers, telling Marin she didn’t want her to go another year without receiving a gift from a woman on Valentine’s Day. It had been such a sweet and thoughtful gesture, soromantic... in a strictly platonic sense. Not for the first time, Marin was grateful for their friendship.
Ember trotted into the room, and when she spotted Marin, her tail started doing full loop-de-loops of joy. Marin felt a burst of warmth in her chest. Oh, she loved this little dog. So much. “Want to go out?”
Marin fastened Ember’s leash and led her outside, grateful for the relatively mild February day. Temperatures today had reached almost forty, and after a frigid few weeks, this felt positively balmy by comparison.
Charlotte would be here soon. She was going to puppysit while Marin went on her first date with Laura. Her body went haywire at the thought, heart racing, butterflies flapping frantically in her stomach. This date was the culmination of two decades of yearning, and two years of careful planning. It was thrilling and momentous, and now that it was nearly here? Marin was overwhelmed in the very best way.
She was going to do everything in her power not to let Charlotte enter her thoughts while she was with Laura. She had to stop pining for her straight friend. If she let her thoughts keep drifting in that direction, she was going to ruin her chances with Laura, who she genuinely liked. Things with Laura had the potential to be great as long as Marin didn’t mess it up.
Today, she and Laura were going snowshoeing and then for coffee, and while Marin had eagerly agreed when Laura suggested it, now she was worried. Snowshoeing was likely to aggravate her bad leg, even though it also sounded fun. She should have been more realistic about her limitations, but there was always next time ... assuming today was a success.
Marin needed to start getting ready as soon as she walked Ember. The puppy could walk all the way to the end of the block and back now. She was growing so fast! Currently, Ember was prancing adorably at the end of her leash, tail up and nose extended to sniff whatever scents carried on the breeze.
“Hi, Ember.” Connor, one of Marin’s upstairs neighbors, bent to pet her as he walked past. She wagged happily. She’d miss getting somuch attention once they moved to their new house, but Marin hoped that having lots of open space to play would more than make up for it.
Back at the apartment, Marin shut the door behind them and unclipped Ember’s leash. The puppy ran to her water bowl and took a big drink, then dashed to Marin and stood on her hind legs, begging for kisses with her face still dripping from the water bowl. Marin knelt and scooped Ember into her lap for sloppy kisses.
She was about to do her makeup, so she’d wash off the puppy slobber then. A burst of adrenaline filled her stomach as she thought of where she was going. A date. Her first date with a woman. Her breathing picked up speed. Oh god. This was such a big deal.Huge.
Ember grabbed a mouthful of Marin’s hair and yanked, successfully distracting her from her rapidly spiraling thoughts.
“Ouch.” Marin carefully extracted Ember from her hair. “Here, put this in your mouth instead.” She gave Ember her toy dragon, and the puppy began to thrash her head back and forth so that the dragon’s wings made a crinkly sound against the floor. “You’re adorable.”
Ember lunged at her face, and Marin gave her another gentle redirection to the toy. She’d been somewhat terrified when she brought Ember home three weeks ago, afraid she’d be terrible at puppy rearing, but she was getting the hang of it. In fact, she thought she and Ember were doing pretty damn well together.
Sure, she hadn’t had an uninterrupted night’s sleep in weeks, but that was to be expected. It was worth it to be tired when she felt so happy and fulfilled with this puppy in her life.
“I’m about to go on a date,” she told Ember, who cocked her head to listen, purple dragon dangling from her mouth. “We’re going snowshoeing, so I have no idea what to wear. I mean, I’ve got to stay warm, but I also want to look nice when we go for coffee afterward. Does that mean I need to wear jeans under my snow pants?”
