“It’s a bit more complicated than that for me, unfortunately,” Audrey said, sounding more apologetic than ever. “My position at NU is temporary. I’m not even tenure track yet. All Stuart needs is the smallest reason to be rid of me, and I’m gone at the end of this academic year.”
“He’d be a fool to let you go with how much everyone’s loving your classes, but ... heisa fool sometimes, so you make a valid point.”
Audrey sighed. “I like you a lot. If I had more job security, I’d be begging for the chance to kiss you again.”
Michelle’s breath hitched, and she nearly choked on her bite of salmon. “You would?”
“God, yes. But right now, I have to focus on my career.”
Michelle had no reason to feel devastated about that, but she did. Her emotions felt raw and messy and dangerously close to the surface. “It’s for the best,” she heard herself saying. “I’m not looking for a relationship, either, after my divorce. I’ve made peace with the single life.”
Audrey’s eyes widened. “Forever?”
“Well, yes. I can’t see myself going through the nightmare of dating again. And these days, you need an app? No, thank you. Marriage wasn’t all that great the first time. I’m much happier living alone.” She ignoredthe tug of longing for what it might have been like to date Audrey, because it could never happen. But maybe—if Audrey was successful at resetting their friendship—she could keep the memory of that kiss as a happy one.
That was so much more than Michelle thought she had a few minutes ago.
“That’s so sad.” Audrey reached across the table and touched Michelle’s hand. “Just because your first marriage wasn’t great doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have better luck the second time.”
“Doesn’t it? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I don’t have many friends. There aren’t many people I even enjoy spending time with.”Except you, she wanted to add. She always enjoyed being with Audrey, which made it all the more heartbreaking that she couldn’t date her, but at least she appreciated now why Audrey wanted to have this conversation. Preserving their friendship was essential.
“I think you could find more friends, if you wanted to,” Audrey said.
There might be some truth in that ... because Michelle wasn’t sure shedidwant to. Most of the time she liked being alone. Except when she was with Audrey.
“For now, I’d very much like to haveyouas a friend.” Michelle felt oddly vulnerable saying it out loud, but she forced herself to meet Audrey’s eyes.
Audrey stood and walked around the table, then pulled Michelle into an impromptu hug. “Same. Your friendship has really meant a lot to me this year.”
Michelle gave her a quick squeeze and then extracted herself from Audrey’s arms because any contact between them tonight felt dangerous. Her body was a lit fuse, and the slightest touch from Audrey might ignite all the passion she was trying so hard to suppress.
As they retook their seats, Audrey looked as composed as ever. Maybe that kiss had been a spur-of-the-moment thing for her, andnow it was over. Michelle, by contrast, felt rocked to her core now that she remembered what real passion felt like, the excitement, the electricity ...
The prospect of living the rest of her life alone had felt so much easier when she’d forgotten how that felt.
Chapter Fifteen
Audrey walked into Holman Hall on Monday morning like a woman on a mission. Shedidhave a mission today, a very specific one. She needed to make sure she and Michelle were okay. Things had seemed okay when Michelle left her house on Saturday night, but Audrey had spent the rest of the weekend worrying that they weren’t.
So when she arrived at her office and found the door across from hers closed, she could only hope it meant Michelle wasn’t here yet, not that she’d gone back to avoiding Audrey. Because Audrey had done a lot of thinking over the weekend, and as she replayed their dinner conversation in her head, she realized something she’d missed in the moment.
Michelle had brought up HR forms. At the time, Audrey had been so overwhelmed and determined to stick to her career plan, she’d glossed right over Michelle’s words. Now, she realized Michelle had been offering her a relationship. Michelle had been willing to go to HR and fill out a form saying she wanted to date her.
And Audrey had turned her down.
It must have felt like a slap in the face, and Audrey felt terrible about it. She would have to live with that decision for the rest of her life, but while the revelation that Michelle wanted to date her might be monumental, it didn’t change the fact that it would be extraordinarily stupid for Audrey to get involved with a coworker right now, while her job was so precarious.
“Looking for me?”
Audrey startled at the sound of Michelle’s voice, realizing she’d been standing in the hall staring at Michelle’s closed door for what was probably an embarrassingly long time. “Uh, yeah. I was.” She pasted a bright smile on her face. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” Michelle’s hair was pulled back in its usual twist, and she wore hunter green pants and a matching blazer over a black-and-white pin-striped shirt. She looked absurdly hot, and it was absurdly unfair that Audrey had passed on the chance to find out what she looked like under those clothes.
Her pulse skyrocketed just looking at Michelle. “God, you look good,” she blurted. “I mean, that’s a really good color on you.”
Michelle gave her a funny look. “Thank you.”
“I wanted to run a few ideas past you for the next Sustainability Committee meeting if you think you’d have a minute later?”
