She closed her eyes and submerged her face beneath the shower’s spray. Now wasn’t the time to think about Kelly. Or Audrey, for that matter. Not while she was naked, her body still aching from their kisses. She needed to rinse off and get downstairs so she could talk this through with Audrey.
Michelle scrubbed the remaining clay from her skin and rinsed it from her hair—Audrey’s hands had apparently spent a lot of time there, because her hair was full of clay—ignoring the urge to slide a hand between her thighs and finish what Audrey had started. There was no time for that now, and Audrey’s shower certainly wasn’t the place.
Not when that kiss—however mind-blowingly fantastic—had likely just ruined their friendship. Michelle could hardly bear the thought of losing Audrey’s presence in her life, her cheerful smiles and handmade teacups and scintillating conversations over afternoon tea in Michelle’s office.
She’d known better than to see Audrey outside work. Everything about today had been a terrible idea, even if it had been so refreshingly fun and exciting, right up to the moment she’d ruined everything. Michelle wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
She stepped out of the shower, surveying herself critically in the mirror. Her makeup was gone now, her hair limp and dripping. She looked terrible, not that it mattered at this point. She toweled herself off and redressed in the clothes she’d arrived in. She borrowed Audrey’s brush and ran it through her hair, and then she quit stalling and went downstairs.
Audrey was in the kitchen, preparing salads. She looked up with a smile, seemingly as at ease as ever. “Better?”
Michelle wasn’t sure exactly what Audrey was asking, but yes, everything did feel a little better after her shower, so she nodded. “Anything I can help with?”
“Nope. I’m almost done with the salads. The salmon is thawing, and then I just need to toss it on the grill for a few minutes. It’s an easy weekend meal. I’m trying to use my grill as much as I can before it gets too cold.”
“Good idea.” Michelle almost never used her grill, but maybe she should. Grilled salmon and a salad sounded like a meal she’d enjoy making for herself.
“I figured we probably already had enough wine. Sparkling water to go with dinner?”
“Yes,” Michelle agreed.
Audrey poured two cans into glasses and handed one to Michelle. “It’s a little chilly out tonight, so we’ll eat inside.”
“All right.”
Audrey glanced at her. “We haven’t talked about music much yet, but have you heard Eden Sands’s new album?”
Michelle cleared her throat, thrown by the subject change. “No.”
“It’s fantastic, her best yet by far. You should give it a listen.”
Audrey kept making idle conversation as she prepared their dinner, and Michelle mostly listened, occasionally chiming in. Audrey was obviously trying to get them back onto solid ground, and to her credit, it seemed to be working. Michelle had been about to go straight home and catastrophize, but here was Audrey, gently guiding them back into smoother waters.
Michelle had been so sure she’d ruined everything. Shealwaysruined things. Was it actually possible that she and Audrey could still be friends?
Why was everything so much easier with Audrey than it was with everyone else in Michelle’s life? With Audrey, she felt ... seen.Appreciated. Comfortable in a way she rarely felt. It made her yearn for a relationship that could never happen. The idea of being with someone who got her so effortlessly ... it was breathtaking.
And impossible.
Once they were seated at Audrey’s kitchen table with plates of delicious-looking food, she finally started the conversation Michelle had been dreading. “Okay. Time to talk about that kiss, and I meant what I said upstairs ... no regrets, at least not on my part.”
“I havesomeregrets,” Michelle admitted, but when she saw the disappointment on Audrey’s face, she felt the need to clarify. “Not because I didn’t enjoy it. Obviously, I did. I just ... I value your friendship too much to risk it over a kiss. And I know it’s irrelevant now, but I can’t stop thinking about how you were my student.”
Audrey looked mildly offended. “I can’t believethat’syour objection to kissing me. I’m worried about our current positions, and you’re stuck in the past.”
Michelle took a drink of her water. “Let me explain, then. When I was a new professor starting out—when I wasyour age, Audrey—I was propositioned by several older men in the department, men who made me feel intensely uncomfortable, sometimes even unsafe, so yes, I worry that perhaps, by kissing you, I’m no better than they are.”
“Okay, first of all, I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Audrey sounded outraged. “That’s sexual harassment, and I wish they’d been punished for it, but I’m sure they weren’t.”
“I never even reported most of it,” Michelle murmured, looking down at her plate. “I was young and untenured and didn’t want to make a fuss.”
“Which is horrible and sad and totally understandable. But, Michelle, you must know you’re nothing like those men. Everything that happened here tonight was perfectly consensual. I mean, first of all, I started it.”
Michelle’s cheeks flushed as she remembered the way Audrey had finger painted on her hands and arms. “Yes, you did. I’m just telling you how I feel.”
“And I appreciate that,” Audrey said.
“You said you were worried about our current positions, but there are HR forms we could fill out to negate any problems. Other professors have dated within the department, and it was never an issue.” Michelle fiddled with her plate. She’d intended to let Audrey lead, and now—if the apologetic look on Audrey’s face was any indication—Michelle had overplayed her hand and come off sounding overeager and ridiculous. Of course, Audrey didn’t want to date her. The kiss had been unplanned and ill advised, and Michelle should have kept her damn mouth shut.
