She crossed the campus and entered Holman Hall, taking the stairs to the second floor. As she strode down the hallway toward her office, she hesitated as she saw that Audrey’s door was open. Despite the strong desire to retreat to the sanctuary of her private space, she felt herself inexplicably drawn toward Audrey’s open door.
“Hi,” Audrey said brightly when she spotted Michelle. Her hair was in a high ponytail, the way she sometimes wore it when she was working at her computer. It made her look almost as young as her students, except for the unmistakable maturity in her eyes.
“I was about to have some tea if you care to join me?” Michelle could hardly believe her own words. She cherished her postlecture routine, the chance to decompress alone in her office, and yet here she was, inviting Audrey to invade her space.
“I’d love some tea,” Audrey said.
“I’ve got a spiced-apple blend this week. It’s almost like hot cider.”
“Sounds very seasonally appropriate.” Audrey stood, drawing Michelle’s gaze to the hunter green dress she wore. It was snug across Audrey’s chest and down to her waist, where it flowed more loosely over her legs, which were mostly hidden behind the desk. To keep herself from staring, Michelle turned and led the way across the hall, then unlocked the door to her office.
“You know what would go really well with that tea?” Audrey said behind her.
“What’s that?” Michelle walked to the electric kettle behind her desk without turning around.
“A peek at your notes on Eliza St. Claire.”
Michelle heard herself inhale. She spun to face Audrey. “What?”
“Only if you’re comfortable sharing.” Audrey dropped into one of the guest chairs in front of Michelle’s desk. The dress swirled around her ankles as she sat, drawing Michelle’s attention to black strappy sandals that revealed pink-painted toenails. “But I’m dying to see what you’re working on.”
“Perhaps.”
“What did you think of the class, by the way?” Something about Audrey’s tone seemed almost too casual, as if she didn’t want Michelle to know how much the answer mattered to her, but of course it mattered. Michelle had been her advisor when she was an undergrad, guiding her toward her academic career.
“I thought it was excellent,” Michelle told her. “I especially appreciated the way you involved your students in the conversation, and I was impressed with how well they interpreted the painting. I’m sure they’ll be thinking about Susanna tonight.”
Audrey looked at her with a surprisingly vulnerable expression. “Yeah?”
“You did a great job.” Michelle knew Audrey deserved more than that, but her own vulnerability was rearing its ugly head right now. She still felt raw and bruised about the class, but she was determined not to take it out on Audrey. Michelle lifted the kettle. It was nearly empty, giving her an excuse to step out for a moment and compose herself. “I’ll be right back.”
She strode down the hall to the break room, grateful not to run into anyone else on the way. Once there, she filled the kettle with fresh water and brought it back to her office.
“Did you see the email from the Sustainability Committee?” Audrey said as Michelle walked back into the room.
“Not yet. Anything important?” She set the kettle on its warming unit and pressed the button to turn it on.
“They approved our paper-straw initiative,” Audrey said. “I know it’s a little thing, but I feel like it’s a start.”
“It’s a very good start.” Michelle sat behind her desk. “The little things do add up in the end.”
“I feel better about being on the committee now,” Audrey said. “At first, I was afraid it was all a waste of time.”
“Well, sometimes it is, but that’s just how campus committees are.” She set out two mugs and put a tea bag in each.
“So tell me more about this Eliza St. Claire project,” Audrey prompted.
Michelle hesitated, fiddling with the tea bags to buy herself another moment. “I ... well, I’m not sure exactly where I’m going with it yet.”
“But you’re excited about it,” Audrey said. “I can tell. Your eyes light up every time you mention it, and that tells me this is more than an academic article. So, maybe a book?”
“Maybe.” Michelle had been flirting with the idea, although she couldn’t seem to commit to it. Who would want to buy it? She might spend months sweating over something no one would ever read.
The kettle shut off, so she lifted it and filled the two cups. Immediately, the scents of apple and cinnamon wafted through her office. After replacing the kettle on its base, she gave each tea bag a quick swirl, watching as the water began to turn amber. And yes, she knew she was stalling. She also knew perfectly well that she’d already printed out a few sample pages to show Audrey ... on the off chance she asked to see them.
Michelle valued her opinion, even though she was simultaneously hesitant to give her the pages. This project meant more to her than most things Michelle worked on, and she was already in a somewhat dangerous mood. What if Audrey hated it? What if Michelle had to watch her struggle to find something polite to say?
Why waste your time on frivolous projects?Kelly’s voice echoed in her head. Her ex-wife had loathed Michelle’s research projects. She’d found them a colossal waste of time.
