“The ‘why’ doesn’t have to be important,” Anna said, turning so she could meet Eden’s eyes. “There’s no pressure, I promise.”
“It’s important tome.” Eden closed her eyes and blew out a breath, then stared right into Anna’s eyes. “I need to say it out loud. I need you to know what’s going on in my head, because it’s been pretty chaotic in here these last few weeks.” Eden tapped her forehead.
“Okay.” Anna put down her wine and took one of Eden’s hands, offering quiet support.
“Remember when we were texting, way back in LA, and I told you I didn’t like romance in books and movies, because it was so unrealistic?”
“Yeah.” That wasn’t even remotely where she’d expected Eden to begin this conversation.
“I believed that,” Eden said quietly. “Because I ... I’d never felt that before.”
“Oh,” Anna said, still not entirely sure where this was going.
“I was twenty when I had my first kiss,” Eden said. “And it was ... fine. All the kisses after that were okay, but I didn’t really understand why people got so excited about kissing. Or sex.” She shrugged, but the movement was stiff.
Anna was starting to catch on now, and if Eden was saying what she thought she was saying ...oh wow. Anna hadn’t expected this. She’d assumed Eden was bi or pan, that she’d just never realized she was attracted to women too.
“I didn’t get the hype,” Eden said. “Sex wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. I thought the way romance books portrayed sex was made up. People don’t really feel that uncontrollable urge to rip each other’s clothes off. They don’t really feel like they’lldieif they don’t kiss someone.”
“Oh, Eden ...”
Eden trailed a finger down Anna’s arm. “A touch can’t light you on fire.”
Anna’s breath hitched.
When Eden lifted her head to meet Anna’s eyes, her pupils were blown. She was breathing hard, andGod, her nipples had tightened beneath her shirt. “I was wrong.” Her voice was hoarse. “Anna, I was so wrong.”
Anna rested a hand on Eden’s knee, leaning closer but not kissing her, just offering support.
“And then you came along,” Eden said. “You turned my life upside down, and I didn’t understand what was happening. I felt like I was spiraling out of control every time I was around you, and if you’ve learned anything about me by now, you know I hate to lose control.”
“I do know that,” Anna breathed.
“At first, I thought we were just really good friends. It’s been a while since I’ve had a real friend, someone I enjoy being around this much. But ... it was more than that. Obviously.” Eden huffed a frustrated laugh. “I finally felt it ... the need to kiss someone more than I needed air. I felt that. For you.”
Anna gulped. “Me too. I felt that for you too.”
“But you knew.” Eden’s tone was anguished. “You knew you were attracted to women. I didn’t know I could be attracted toanyone, not like this.”
Anna could hardly breathe. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying ... I’m saying ...” Eden blinked, and tears spilled over her cheeks. “I don’t think I’m bi or pan, like you. I think I’monlyattracted to women.”
“Oh, Eden.” Anna lunged forward to kiss her. “God, I can’t imagine how you must feel right now, to finally understand yourself like this.”
Eden made a frustrated sound. “I feel angry, in a way.”
“Why?” Anna slid into her lap, sitting across Eden’s thighs so they were facing each other.
Eden’s hands slid down Anna’s back, settling at her waist. “I feel like I’ve been lied to, or that I’ve lied to myself, to be honest. I wasted so many years just ... not understanding myself, not knowing what I was missing, and I hate that.”
“No, no, no. You haven’t wasted anything. Oh, Eden. No.”
“What if we hadn’t met?” Eden asked. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now. “What if I spent my whole life walking around with these blinders on?”
“If it hadn’t been me, you would have met someone else. You’re just starting to figure yourself out, and that’s okay. There’s no timetable on coming out, and Eden, even if you hadneverrealized you were gay ... you’re more than your sexuality. So much more.” She wiped the tears from Eden’s face, feeling the way she trembled beneath Anna’s touch. “Now tell me more about this ‘I’ll die if I don’t kiss you’ feeling.”
In response, Eden gripped Anna’s leggings, yanking her closer. “Every time I’m around you,” she whispered as she brought her mouth to Anna’s, kissing her with the kind of desperation she’d described.
