“Oh God.” Jules leaned forward, pressing her face into Sophie’s shoulder, tears soaking her shirt. “Dammit.”
“I know.” Sophie toyed with her hair, sending a shiver of pleasure through Jules that only made the tears come faster. “It’s not what I want either.”
“Sophie…” Her voice broke, and she just clung to her, at a loss for words.
“Stop it,” Sophie whispered. “You’re going to make me cry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Sophie said. “None of this is your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It just…is.”
“But we never…” There were so manyneversfor her and Sophie. They’d never had a real chance to be together, and the thought of letting her go now was almost more than Jules could bear.
“It’s probably better that we never. In the long run, it’ll be less painful this way.”
21
Sophie fidgeted in her seat during their pre-show production meeting. Across from her, Jules rehearsed with Micki, tweaking dialogue with feedback from last night’s performance. Jules’s hair was pulled back in a ponytail, her face makeup-free, and it made her look younger than her thirty years, more innocent, impossibly beautiful. She was calm now, nodding in response to something Kari had said, but her tears were still fresh in Sophie’s mind.
There had been so many tears. A heartbreaking flood of them. Jules had shed enough for them both, because that was how she lived…heart on her sleeve. Sophie couldn’t make herself vulnerable that way. Nor could she keep lying to herself.
If she stayed, if she kept auditioning, coveting her moment in the spotlight, a moment that might never come, her bitterness would grow until it swallowed her whole. She’d seen it happen to other performers, and she refused to become that person. Worse, she feared that eventually, she might even become jealous of Jules, begrudging her success. She couldn’t let that happen.
Sophie had an opportunity for a fresh start at the Alton Theater, and she was going to take it. This wasn’t the direction she’d expected her life to take, but really, how often did life go according to plan?
Jules glanced in her direction, and their eyes locked for a sizzling moment, until Sophie forced herself to look away. The emotions were still too raw. Surely they’d find a new normal, a friendship that didn’t extend beyond the parameters of their time at the Sapphire. But not today. Today, Sophie just wanted to curl up somewhere and lick her wounds.
In retrospect, she probably should have taken the opportunity to shed some tears this morning the way Jules had. Because right now, she felt like she was drowning internally, a heavy, watery feeling that made her afraid to blink lest she open the floodgates. She’d been so certain about her decision last night, so sure when she called Stuart first thing this morning to accept the job. But as she watched Jules rehearse, all she felt was sad. Overwhelmingly, heartbreakingly sad.
Finally, the meeting ended. Sophie had mostly sat and listened. There were only a few minor tweaks for the ensemble. The majority of the work rested on Jules, Micki, and Amir, so Sophie scooted out of her chair and retreated to her dressing room as soon as she could, not wanting to get in Jules’s way or distract her from her work.
At least Jules seemed to have regained her footing onstage. When they went on for their one o’clock matinee, she was calm and confident, seamlessly integrating the changes Kari had introduced that morning.
Now it was Sophie’s turn to falter, at least on the inside. She’d expected to feel free now that she’d made a decision, knowing she had a plan to move on with her life. Surely that feeling would come once she’d had a chance to grieve the things she was leaving behind. She danced her heart out at the back of the stage, a wide smile plastered on her face. And when she glanced at Jules, shining like a star front and center, Sophie swallowed her heartbreak, for both their sakes.
* * *
Jules wokeon Monday morning feeling like a hollowed-out shell of herself. Four performances in three days with a broken heart and a nervous stomach had taken a toll. She’d shed a lot of tears, both happy and sad. She’d found her confidence as Bianca, had given what she thought to be some of the best performances of her career…and she was just getting started where Bianca was concerned.
But her bed was cold and lonely. She missed Sophie so much, it was a constant ache in her chest, which was ironic since she saw her every day. Every time she turned around at the theater, Sophie was there, and that made it even harder not to touch her, not to kiss her, not to tell her she loved her and beg her not to leave.
But that wasn’t for Jules to say. Sophie had made her choice, and Jules had to respect it. She had to live with it. And eventually, it would get easier. Everything got easier in time, even the things that hurt the most. She’d learned to live without her dad, so she could certainly learn to live without Sophie, even if she had to see her every day.
With a sigh, she hauled herself out of bed and stepped into a hot shower. Mondays were her day off, and boy, did she need it. Alex and Rob had flown home already, but her mom was still here, and they were going to spend the day together, which was exactly what Jules needed.
She dressed and fixed two café Cubanos just before her mom rang the buzzer from downstairs. Jules let her in with a smile on her face.
“Morning,” her mom said as she huffed up the stairs, a white paper bag containing their breakfast in hand.
“Morning,” Jules said as she shut the door behind her. “I’ve got coffee ready.”
“Perfect.”
They brought their coffee and pastries to the kitchen table and sat together. Paula chatted as they ate, and Jules was happy just to listen. She was exhausted and emotionally overwrought, but she felt her mood rebounding with every moment she spent with her mom.
“You’re quiet this morning,” Paula commented.
“Sorry.”
