Gage filled his lungs with sweet, sweet albuterol and immediately felt relief as Lucas let him go and stood up.
“Gage, babe, can Frankie take my place and hold you? I’m gonna find your stuff. You still have braille labels, right?”
Gage nodded as he took another puff. He’d been doing that for years. Lucas had been his person. The only one who could keep him together some days. He felt crushing relief that being with Frankie hadn’t changed that for Lucas now.
His hands began to tremble with adrenaline as Frankie slid down to the floor next to him, and the older man reached out a hesitant hand. “I’m gonna pull you against my chest, okay?”
Gage made a soft noise of agreement, and Frankie pulled Gage between his legs, sandwiching him with his knees and his arms. The hold was powerful and firm and so soothing, he almost burst into tears. He was breathing easier now, but the panic was still clawing at his edges.
God, he’d fucked up so badly today. So badly. He’d lashed out at his dad before, but the way he’d walked off today?
“Breathe,” Frankie instructed, holding him tighter. “If you need me to let go, just say the word. If you can’t speak, knock your head against my shoulder.”
Gage nodded and forced his lungs to fill with air. It was easier this time, and though he was still trembling, his vision was clear enough to see Lucas had found the right bottle and was now holding his little pill and a bottle of water.
He knelt down and felt forward until his hand touched Gage’s shin. “Got you?”
“Mm,” Gage said.
Lucas held out the pill, and Gage took it, dry swallowing it down before he chased it with water. It would be a while beforeit kicked in, and he felt like a pathetic fucking loser for being curled up in his best friend’s boyfriend’s arms.
Before humiliation could kick off another anxiety attack though, Lucas slid up next to him and joined the small cuddle pile. His grip was strong, and he let his head rest against Gage’s shoulder as Frankie held them both.
“You probably have customers,” Gage eventually rasped.
“Fuck ’em.”
“Lucas,” he started, but Lucas smacked him on the shin.
“Shut up. This is more important. I want you to relax as much as you can, and then tell me what happened.”
“And if you want me to leave,” Frankie added, “I can.”
“Mm, no. This is nice. Where did you learn this?” Gage asked.
Frankie laughed. “Helping your boyfriend over the years. Fallon started getting really intense panic attacks when he was in fifth grade, and they got worse as he went into puberty. And then they got better until he started testosterone. We worked through it and figured out what helped.”
Gage closed his eyes as things began to settle, which of course was followed by the inevitable rush of embarrassment because God damn it, he was a grown man. Was he really falling apart like this? He knew what Lucas would say if he tried to say that aloud, and he knew what his therapist would tell him too.
But he couldn’t help it. Yeah, things like this happened, but he hated the fact that he didn’t feel like he was getting better. That he was so angry. That he was angry enough to hurt the people he cared about.
“I cussed out my dad,” Gage finally said.
Lucas sat up so fast, he knocked his head on the counter. “Ow, fuck. But oh my God, why? What did he do?”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Gage said.
Lucas scoffed. “Babe. Please. You love your dad beyond reason. You wouldn’t go off unless he said something that deserved it. What did he do?”
“This time, it really was nothing. It was me. I was…” He held his breath for a second. “I’ve been so angry. I was telling him about Fallon, and they started questioning me about whether I was actually okay with the whole, uh…baby thing.”
Frankie stiffened, but only for a second.
“And I got angry. I just want people to trust me, but then I realize I’m not sure I should trust myself.”
After a long beat of silence, Frankie began to unwind from Gage and Lucas. “I think I need to step out.”
“Fuck,” Gage whispered. He curled in on himself. “I promise I’m not going to hurt your brother. I swear I’m?—”
