“He might be willing,” I said. “He’s definitely taken with you, honey. Who wouldn’t want more time with you?”
God, who knew being selfless would feel worse than getting a bad Brazilian?
“He likesus, Jules,” my little dumpling said. “Both of us. He said so.”
Well, he was wrong. And even if he was right, that wouldn’t last. And it wouldn’t be fair to Isaac if Roman got so fed up with Diva that he walked away from my boo. Besides…
“There isn’t really an ‘us,’ sweetie. Remember?” I made myself say, getting out of bed.
I had to force myself to get up and eat something. The Cuffd people had booked me for a brunch gig in… less than eight hours, which meant I was already behind on my beauty sleep and getting all red-eyed and emotional wasn’t going to be any better of a look on Diva than it was on me.
Make up could only do so much, even when a bitch invested a small fortune in the good stuff.
“What do you mean?” Isaac asked, scrambling after me. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to eat some of that expensive food your Daddy ordered,” I said, my stomach protesting. It wasn’t the boss of me, though.
Please, bitch. If it was? I’d never have fit into Diva’s dresses.
“But what did youmean?” Isaac insisted, not taking the hint that I wanted the hard part of the conversation to be over. “About… about us?”
I sighed. “I mean this isn’t real, honey. We were just pretending. Everything that happened in this suite, the parts with you and me, was just a show, remember? We’re not actually boyfriends. It wasn’treal.”
“It felt real to me,” Isaac said, clutching the duvet in his fists.
“Well, it can’t be,” I snapped, hating myself even more when his face crumbled. “I’m sorry, boo, but you know that, right? We’ve been friends forever. The best of friends. If we were meant to be more, don’t you think we would have already tried?”
Well, Isaac wouldn’t have. I could no more imagine him making the first move than I could imagine taking the stage without my wig and face on. And of courseIhadn’t tried, because it wouldn’t work.Couldn’twork. We just weren’t compatible that way.
Not without Daddy to help us along, at least.
But anyway, none of that mattered, because Isaac didn’t argue with me. As he shouldn’t because all I’d done was describe reality.
“I’m going to get something to eat,” I said, hoping it could be a peace offering. “Do you want to—”
“No,” he said, mumbling something else about not being hungry. Then he rolled back over, pulled the duvet over his head, and accepted my decision that we couldn’t be real… just like he always did, because I was always right.
But if it was the right decision—and it was, because hello, the queen had spoken—then why did it feel so awful?
And why, after I’d forced down half a cherry tart and heard Roman come out of the shower, did I sneak back into the darkened bedroom instead of bedding down on the plush sofa like I should have. Why did I do it when Daddy told me to come back to bed, crawling in on the opposite side from Isaac’s huddled form and letting Daddy’s rumbling voice murmur soothing, sleepy nonsense to me until I finally fell back asleep?
Well, that answer was easy, bitches. Drag was my religion, and Diva was my default mode.
Fuck reality, I liked to pretend.
9
Isaac
Miss Diva D. Lightwas everything that was fabulous in the world, and normally, watching her perform was one of my favorite things ever. It definitely had the rest of the brunch crowd mesmerized. But today?
“Isaac?” Daddy said, his big hand rubbing a soothing circle against my upper back.
“Okay,” I replied lethargically, stirring some milk into my tea.
I wasn’t sure what he’d asked or what I was agreeing to but too, but I was too sad to muster a better response.
I hadn’t been sure about this whole plan of Jules’ from the very beginning, and I hadn’t even really believed he’d go through with it all anyway, not until he’d kissed me for the first time—right here, less than a day ago, back when I’d been brimming over with excitement and filled the very best kind of nervous energy—but once he’d introduced me to Daddy and started acting like we were real, I’d been on cloud nine.
