By the timeI’d woken up the next morning, Kroven was up and about, seemingly eager to get the hell out of D.C. After how the dinner had left him in emotional shambles, I couldn’t say I was surprised as I quickly got dressed and saw that he’d already packed all his things and was patiently waiting for me to do the same.
After a quick shower, I gathered all my things and we were leaving the beautiful confines of the hotel room and checking out. I still harbored an intense desire to know what the hell was behind Kroven’s outburst at dinner, and more so interested in learning what the hell had occurred between him and Exo, but I was playing the role of patient boyfriend even though the need to know was burning cyclones inside my head.
I’d never seen Kroven react so…vulnerably. Obviously I knew that he had a past considering he was over six hundred years old, but his interactions with Exo were quite recent in comparison. Did Kroven used to live in D.C. before settling in Piper? Did Exo have some type of tie to the community that Kroven had ended up leaving, one that probably still was the designated home of his parents? There was so much swirling within me that I was half-afraid something would seep out of my brain and through my mouth, but somehow I was keeping my trap shut.
“Do you want to grab something to eat?”
Kroven’s question threw me back into the present. We were waiting to get picked up by the car he’d ordered just outside of the hotel. It was starting to feel like all we did was wait for cars together.
“I’m not too hungry,” I said with a feeble smile, and I was suddenly glad that Kroven’s eyes had gone dark while we’d been sleeping. I didn’t want him to see the uneasy look on my face.
“Are you sure?” His tone oozed concern, and I knew he could probably feel my energy shifting without even needing to see what look my face wore. “We could grab something quick before heading to the plane if you’d like. Or we can sightsee if you’d prefer.”
His offer was genuine, but I could tell that he was putting on for me. It’d already been abundantly clear that Kroven wanted the hell out of D.C. And while I enjoyed seeing the blended atmosphere between humans and Orbs here, I hated the thought of Kroven having to bear any discomfort, even at my benefit.
In truth, I just wanted to go home to Piper too. I yearned for familiarity, especially after the awkward exchange at the restaurant last night. It was a palpable sort of discomfort that bled into the air and one had to stifle their own breathing to keep from letting it enter their lungs. I wanted to be as far away from that tension as possible.
“I’m sure,” I stated, curling up to him and holding on to his arm. “Let’s go home.”
A wave of relief rolled through him like a crashing wave, and his body eased as he crawled a hand over my back. “Sounds great.”
Soon enough, our car picked us up and took us back to theprivate little landing area that Kroven’s fellow Orb had brought us here in. Xoah was waiting for us outside the plane, smoking while he anticipated our return.
When we approached with our bags, Xoah gave us a lazy smile, and the smoke in the air told me that he was smoking a joint instead of a cigarette.
“Man, I love this city.” Xoah said before taking a huge drag. “You guys have a good time?”
“It was fine.” Kroven was short and sweet with his answer. He gave Xoah a nod. “Ready to go?”
“Oh, uh, sure.” Xoah took another huge hit and then tossed the joint to the cement before using his shoe to rub out its flame. Clearly he’d been hoping we’d either join him or we’d take our time boarding the plane. “Let’s hit the air!”
We all piled into the plane and Xoah departed for the cockpit per usual. When the door closed behind me, I watched as Kroven put up his luggage and went to the mini-fridge. I took my seat as he drained another one of those pre-packaged bottles of blood. The crimson vision was already clearing his stormy eyes by the time he sat down next to me.
He sighed, the preamble to what I hoped was a much longer conversation full of explanations he’d promised, but Xoah’s lurching into the air stopped all of that as he came over the intercom and said, “Sorry!” with so much comical earnest that I broke into a laugh. Kroven joined me, shaking his head at Xoah’s antics to always make a show of taking off. Once our laughter commenced and we were steadily soaring in the air, Kroven grabbed my hand.
“I’m really sorry about how I acted last night at dinner,” He started. “And I’m sorry that I’ve been all over the place emotionally. If you felt pressured to leave D.C., I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“It’s okay.” I made sure to tell him that with my eyes, staringinto the gorgeous red abyss and squeezing his hands for emphasis. “I just want to understand what it was all about.”
The turmoil was etched into every line of Kroven’s face as my words hit him, but he nodded and looked me in the eyes. I was surprised to find shame waiting for me when I looked back into them.
“I just don’t want you to hate me when you learn the truth.”
“Kroven, I’m not going to hate you, I—”
I had to stop myself. I almost blurted out that Iloved him, and that was insane. We’d barely been dating that long and had only known each other for a little over a month. What scared me more than anything was that I was debating with myself over whether or not I actually did feel that way about him.
Man, I was fucked. And not in the way I had been twelve hours ago.
Setting that to the side, I rolled my shoulders and said, “You can tell me anything.”
This seemed to ease him a bit as he leaned back in his seat, looking past me to see the blue of the sky and the clouds we thrummed through. He still held onto my hand like a lifeline he was petrified to lose. All I had to do now was wait for him to finally explain.
“As I told you previously,” He began, sighing again. “After the sangamar were discovered and my former love Jargenne was killed for exposing the creature community during the rite of passage journey in Romania, I left our village.” He closed his eyes, as if he were picturing his past and wondering how to articulate it effectively. When he opened them, tears bubbled and I held my breath waiting for him to continue. “The sangamar village I was a part of was up in the mountains in Virginia. I was so lost and so fueled by my anger over what had happened to Jargenne and what it meant for all creatures going forward. Eventually, I found myself in D.C., lured to the city andthe promise of a bigger population. I was hurting and…I wanted other people to hurt.”
He paused, and I felt my heart quickening. “It’s okay.” I reassured him, needing to know now more than ever what was plaguing him.
“There’s an exchange when a sangamar bites a human. The sangamar gets the benefit of the blood that they need to survive, but there’s more to it. When one of us sinks our teeth into human flesh, there’s a chemical reaction that’s released. An endorphin that makes both the sangamar and human feel indescribable pleasure.” He shook his head. “That’s why the blood centers were eventually erected. Because both sides can become addicted to the bite, at best. And at worst…the sangamar can lose control and drain the human of too much blood, killing them.” He sniffled, a tear finally cascading down his cheek. “That’s what happened to me. I was so driven by my desire to hurt others that I didn’t just hurt the humans I was feeding off of, Bas.” He looked into my eyes as fresh tears slid free from his eyes. “I was killing them.”
