My mind flooded with the memories of the other night. The insecurity and frustration I felt in the bar bathroom with Tessa. Those two stupid words that haunt me no matter what I do. To add to my misery, Kit went and invited Cleo to a card night in our lounge.
The afternoon was better. Checking the readiness of our missiles took up the bulk of my time. I was feeling a lot more relaxed after my shift and had a nice, hot shower.
Cleo arrived for the card night and we settled in. It was entertaining as hell watching Cheddar get her arse handed to her. I’ve never seen someone so thoroughly beaten. Cheddar’s face when she had to hand over her beloved Wotsits was amazing.
We drank and laughed for hours. Then I offered to walk Cleo back to her cabin at the end of the night. I reasoned it was my job as her escort to make sure she got back without a problem. I was lying to myself. Just spending the evening with her in a social group had my body yearning to be close. That’s right, I used the word yearn! Who the hell am I?
The moment we shared at her door plays in full HD through my mind. She leaned in. I know she did. We could’ve kissed if it wasn’t for the rowdy group who blew the moment out of the water. Cleo said goodnight, and I let her go without a word.
Why? Because I can’t trust my motives with her. I’ve never met a woman who throws me off balance so much. Would I be kissing her to prove a point? It’s clear my ego is bigger than I thought. I’ve always been confident—cocky, even. But I never thought a few words from one woman could send me into a tailspin. Kit’s right. Cleo bruised my ego, and now I can’t let it go.
She wouldn’t have been able to batter it with a couple of words if it wasn’t.
I may be a lot of things, but petty isn’t one of them. I would never use a woman to make a point—we’ll just discount Tessa because I was drunk and my head was a mess. I was using her, and that’s awful. I’ve never done that before. Used someone like that. Even my one-night stands are honest—we both know what it is. But with Tessa, I was in my head, trying to prove something. That’s not fair to her.
It’s not who I am, I swear. I love ’em and leave ’em, remember?
So, until I know my interest in Cleo is beyond that of proving my worth as a lover, I’ll need to take some distance. Which will prove difficult, considering today is my last day shift. I’m supposed to go on a string of nights. The ones Cleo said she’d get me out of. Meaning I’d properly start my role as her guide and therefore spending a lot more of our time together.
Today I’m tasked with doing diagnostics on the comms system. It’s not my favourite job, but it will keep me busy. I think that’s all I can ask for at this point.
Ruby Mitchel joins me in the mess. She’s fairly new to the ship, and very queer. It’s a shame we don’t have a spare bunk in our cabin. She’d be a great addition to our little gay family.
She is also gorgeous as hell. Although I find most women beautiful, just because they’re women. Can’t help it—I’m a simple creature.
Anyway, Ruby is a massive flirt. More than me, which is saying something. We almost hooked up a few months back when we were on shore leave, but Boot got into a bit of trouble and needed our help.
She’d whispered in my ear that night, told me exactly what she wanted me to do to her. Graphic, filthy details thathad me ready to drag her to the nearest bunk. Then Boot called, and the moment was gone.
Since that night, Ruby likes to throw saucy winks my way.
Before the night with Cleo, Ruby was the only woman in a while who really caught my attention. But she’s my crewmate and I have rules that so far I haven’t broken. But maybe now’s the time to throw the rules out the window.
I missed out on relieving some stress with Tessa. Two months without sex is a long friggin’ time to go, and as much as I hate myself for it, Idoneed to know that I’m better than “fine.” I don’t have much going for me in life. I’m not super smart or rich, but I’ve always excelled in my job and in the bedroom. It’s sad, but I need those two things to be true.
Also, Ruby isn’t looking for a girlfriend. She was clear about that. So, maybe we could come to an arrangement. I’ll break my rules for her, and we both have a good time. It’s beneficial for both of us and might just help me move past these last few days.
Ruby places her plate on the table opposite me. She has auburn hair that leans more towards brown. Her eyesare a vibrant blue, and she has a chest that barely fits inside her overalls.
“River, looks like you have me all to yourself today.” Her delivery is smooth like melted chocolate. I know I have the reputation for being a charmer, but damn, Ruby gives me a run for my money.
“Lucky me,” I reply.
Kit and Cheddar are on gun turrets, and Boot is checking the Nav systems. That leaves me with Ruby. Alone.
I lick my lips at the image of her pinned against a wall. Her overalls unzipped, my hand between her thighs, her teeth biting into my shoulder to keep quiet. The thrill of getting caught.
Delicious.
“My my, what’s running through that gorgeous head of yours?” she purrs, leaning over the table.
I’m not stupid enough to act on my Ruby-filled fantasy.Not on shift anyway. So the day passes with checklists and protocols. Plus some major flirting.
I feel great by the end of day and I’m off duty. As is Ruby. Her bunk is a little further down the passageway from mine, and she usually uses a different shower block. However, today I find her in mine.
We’re not alone though. Several other crewmates bustle about, getting dry and dressed. Ruby makes her way to the shower furthest away, wrapped in only a towel.
Checking the room, I make my way over to her, trying to look casual. She slips into the cubicle, which has a curtain for privacy and nothing else.
