I drew the vial from my pocket, holding it out to her on the flat of my palm.
“It’s from Gwyn ap Nudd.”
Belis looked at it then back up at me. She reached out, picking it up between thumb and forefinger so that the blue glass gleamed in the sunlight.
“The fae king?”
“Lord of the Wild Hunt. If you drink it then you’ll become one of them. A woman of the high fae.”
Belis’s eyes widened. “Fae?” There was a little fear in her voice. “Why? Isn’t that dangerous?”
“You don’t understand. Fae don’t age like mortals, they’re not bound to a certain lifespan. You could be immortal.”
“Like you?”
“Yes.” I smiled at her, reaching out to tilt her chin up. “You could live forever, here with me. You wouldn’t have to be afraid of the Romans any more. We could still have that farm in the north, we could have a palace, a castle. We could do anything you wanted.”
She looked up at me and her eyes were silvery in the grey light. “Horses? Dogs?”
“All you could wish for. We could hunt in the woods. I would still have my work to do but my days would be yours, and as many nights as I could spare.” I stroked her cheek, feeling the warm human skin beneath my cool hand. “Do you still want that?”
“Mallt,” she pulled my head down and kissed me, soft and sweet, “I don’t want anything else.” She let go and looked at the glass again. “But what about Cati?”
“I only have enough for one of you, but she could come with us. With us to protect her she could live peacefully in the wilds with us.”
Belis turned to gaze back down the hill. “She can’t stay in this country. It’s not safe. And she would never settle to an isolated life; she thrives on crowds, on company. She’s lost everything and everyone in this world but me. I need to find her a community, the chance of a new family.”
“The Romans haven’t yet passed the Humber. I can take you further north than they’ll ever reach. With the dogs, and you, and the help of the low fae, we can keep her protected, even bring her into one of the Pictish villages,” I insisted.
“As long as we’re on this island she’ll be in danger,” Belis said, still looking out at the sea. “The Romans know we’re alive. If we stay here we’ll always be a threat to them. Across the water we’ll just be two redheaded girls with a past. The Romans will not advance further than the Rhine, their influence is limited in the north. We have cousins in the tribes that live in the lake country.”
I took a breath then nodded. “I understand. Take her there and then come back to me.”
Belis looked back at me and I saw the torment in me reflected on her face.
“Come back to me, Belis, don’t go!” I cried, my voice cracking with pain, eyes blurring with tears.
“I swore I would stay by her side, that I would spend my whole life making her happy and safe, trying to atone for what I did. More than that, I promised my father when she was born that I would keep her safe, that I would be the oak to shelter her. I cannot break that oath again.”
“Then take the vial and guard her as a fae. I’ll wait for you.” I wiped my face with the back of my hand, fighting for calm.
“This draught,” she said, opening her hand, “it’s a poison of a different kind. There is more to being fae than never dying. Their nature is different from humans, cruel and inconstant. If I drank this I would no longer be a daughter of the Iceni, would burn away my mortality. Even if I were able to stay true and protect Cati, I would no longer be her sister. I wouldn’t be the person you love.”
She put her hand in mine and I felt her slip the glass back into my palm. I wanted to argue with her but I knew she was right, had known it even before Gwyn had warned me.
“But that doesn’t mean we have to be apart,” Belis said, and her voice was urgent now. “Come with us. Leave the world behind and find a new one with me. You were human once, maybe we can find a way to make you human again. We could spend our whole lives together. Come and grow old with me, Mallt.”
This time when I kissed Belis I saw her as I would if I said yes. The thousand smiles that would carve lines in our faces, the silver that would thread through our hair. Her hand in mine for however long fate gave us. I knew the value of a mortal life now, of choosing someone to change for and grow with. I no longer wanted the constant eternity of wandering.
Then I saw the wight lurching through the forest, the mangledbodies on the battlefield. Mother and babe so lost in the pain of childbirth they twisted into one terrible being. The peaceful faces of the dead in Annwn, walking back into the lands once blighted by corruption.
“I can’t,” I said, leaning my forehead against hers. “I have a duty. The people of this island still need a guide. Now that I am myself again I cannot abandon them.”
“So you can’t come, and I can’t stay,” she whispered. “If there’s a way out of this, oh Mallt, the wise, the beautiful, the great goddess, please tell me for I cannot see it.”
I started to reply but no words came out and I pulled her close. We were silent for a moment, just holding each other. I shut my eyes and focused on nothing but the feeling of her in my arms, the smell of her, the taste of her lips.
“Promise me you won’t leave it another thousand years to talk to a human,” Belis said, pulling away and looking up at me. “Spend time with Arawn, go and visit Vatta. Find other people to love.”
