Zaira spun and began to cross the room. “It isn’t enough reason for us to get married, and I won’t do it.”
“Oh aye, lass.” Mr. Shanahan’s face was turning red. “You’ll be doing it today when the priest arrives, and that’s all there is to it.”
Zaira didn’t stop until she reached the door. Then she gave her da a sad but resigned look. “I’ve never wanted to cause problems when you already had so many. I always wanted to please you. But why was I trying so hard to make you happy when you obviously haven’t cared about my happiness?”
With that, she stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind her.
Mr. Shanahan opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out.
Exhaustion fell over Bellamy, and he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. Even though his mind was fuzzy, one thing was becoming all too clear: The more Zaira pushed him away, the more he wanted her. Of course, as a matchmaker he knew theheart-wants-what-it-cannot-havewas one tactic for bringing a couple together. Was that what he was experiencing with Zaira?
Or was it another tactic? Resistance changing intofear-of-losing-the-loved-one?
Maybe it was both.
Maybe it was also the realization that she’d told the truth about everything. She’d been honest about their relationship. She’d been honest about her writing for the newspaper. She’d been honest about her objection to a hasty marriage. She’deven admitted to a publishing venture even though she had so much to lose, especially the respect of her family.
Admiration welled up inside him. Zaira had displayed an enormous amount of courage to speak the truth.
What about him? What had he done to display even a wee amount of courage?
Nothing. He’d lectured Zaira about the need for honesty, and he’d disparaged having a relationship with her because of the lack of honesty. In doing so, all he’d accomplished was showing himself to be nothing but a hypocrite.
If he really wanted to have a different marriage than Oscar and his granda and all his ancestors, then maybe he had to be willing to change himself instead of trying to change Zaira.
23
The deep ache inside Zaira was too much to bear. She swiped at the tears running down her cheeks, but they flowed anyway. She hugged her arms around her chest to ward off the pain in her heart, but it throbbed regardless.
“Zaira.” A soft voice from the balcony door sounded behind her.
She didn’t have to turn to know it was Alannah. After the discussion in the bedroom earlier, Kiernan had probably gone straight to Alannah and told her everything, including Zaira’s refusal to marry Bellamy. Kiernan had likely sent his wife to work at convincing Zaira to go through with the wedding.
“I can’t do it.” Zaira sniffed back the tears. “So you may as well go tell Kiernan I won’t change my mind.”
The pad of footsteps crossed the second-floor balcony at the back of the house until they stopped beside Zaira, where she sat in one of the elegant iron chairs that overlooked the gravel driveway, carriage house, and other small outbuildings. A few trees and neatly trimmed shrubs bordered bothsides of the property, and clusters of asters and irises grew in the couple of raised flower beds that lined the house.
She’d come out hoping the view would give her some solace, but it hadn’t worked. Deep inside, she knew that admitting to the truth about everything had been the right thing to do. If only the turmoil had gone away instead of raging harder.
Alannah dragged a chair closer to Zaira’s and then sat, fluffing out the silky skirt that had once belonged to Zaira but that she’d gladly and willingly donated to Alannah.
“Please, Alannah.” Zaira wiped at the wetness on her cheeks again. “Please tell Kiernan I can’t marry Bellamy ... at least not today.”
“That’s not why I came out here.” Alannah tucked a handkerchief into Zaira’s hand. “Kiernan knows I won’t be pressuring you to do something you’re not ready for, so I won’t.”
At the kind words, more tears began to flow. Zaira dabbed the handkerchief against her eyes. “Thank you, Alannah. You’re a true and good friend. The very best.”
“You’re a true and good friend too.”
Zaira swallowed another wave of emotion that threatened to bring more tears and maybe even sobs. “I refuse to marry a man who doesn’t love me in return. I’d rather live with my ruined reputation than subject Bellamy to a life he doesn’t want.”
“How do you know he’s not just scared? That maybe he really does want it?”
“He told me last night we weren’t meant to be together, that even if we have some attraction, it’s not enough.”
“I don’t believe him.”
“He also said I’d make another fellow a fine wife, but that he’s looking for someone different than me for himself.”
