“I’m not coming back to the family,” I say, not lowering my voice as quietly as his. My heart slams against my ribs. I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to say it, but I can’t ignore the truth any longer. Daphne was right about me. All my life I’ve been terrified of being hurt by those I love. Terrified of being abandoned without understanding why. I’ve hated the ones who’ve hurt me yet I’m equally frightened of losing them. Because without their awful, fickle love, who do I have? I hurt friends, family, and lovers to keep them at bay, so I always knew I was to blame for our separation. So it would always be their choice to leave me, but also their choice to take me back. It’s been a sick and twisted dance of hate, hurt, and a need to be loved.
But I’m done with it.
I don’t need to push people away anymore. I’m strong enough to survive if they leave.
And I don’t need to keep those in my life that are undeserving of my love.
I can make the choice.
I can sever the bonds.
I’ve done it before, with Cosette, when I finally made it clear we were over.
I can do the same with my father.
His face flushes crimson, and he glances to the nearest tables. “We should speak in private back home?—”
“No, we’ll speak here. I’ll make it quick.” I extract a piece of paper from my waistcoat pocket and push it across the table.
He narrows his eyes at me before taking up the paper and reading what I’ve written there. “What the hell is this?”
“The balance I owe a certain lender.”
He leans back in his chair, chuckling. “Ah, I see. You’ve found out just how hard it is to live on your own and had to take out a loan. Now your debt is catching up to you and you want me to bail you out. You know my terms for financial aid. Return to your proper place as my heir and take a proper wife?—”
“No, we’re not playing that game.” I lean forward, my lips curling in a cold grin. “Here’s the thing. That loan isn’t an ordinary one. My lender deals in secrets.”
His face pales, expression dipping into horror before he recovers, donning a haughty mask. He keeps his voice a low whisper. “You couldn’t have said a word, or you’d have suffered the effects of our bargain.”
“I didn’t say a word.” My grin widens, growing colder. Crueler. “I didn’t have to utter a single syllable because my lender read my fucking mind. Now he knows everything. And if he doesn’t receive this balance paid in full by July 16th, your secret is out.”
His jaw tics, rage pulsing at his temples. I can tell just how much restraint he’s exerting to keep from shouting at me. It’s a satisfying sight that makes this public meeting worth it, just to witness how much effort it takes for him to pretend to be a decent human amongst his peers. He grinds his teeth. “Of all the idiotic?—”
“Here’s how this is going to go. You’re going to let me out of my bargains. Both of them. You will no longer burden me with keeping your secret. I will continue to protect our family’s reputation by not intentionally spreading the truth, but I’m not going to keep it from those I love. Furthermore, I will no longer be bound by the condition that I’ll return to the family if I marry. You have no right to intervene with my love life and future happiness. You have no sway over who I choose as a wife, and you will have no influence in my life going forward. Because I am done with you. However, if you honor my request and free me from the two bargains we made, I will give you the name of my lender andallowyou to pay my debt and save your sorry reputation.”
I sit back and let my words sink in, watching his eyes widen as he processes my offer and assesses the repercussions. He takes a silk cloth from his jacket pocket and mops his brow. His voice comes out with a tremor as he speaks. “I need some time to consider.”
“No, you will make your decision now. Rescind our bargains before I walk out that door, or in a matter of weeks, everyone in this room and beyond will know you’re a fucking fraud. A mockery of what they consider the pinnacle of human propriety. If you think you’ll get re-elected as Human Representative after the Alpha Council finds out?—”
“Enough,” he says, the word loud enough to draw the attention of multiple club patrons. He returns his voice to a whisper, but it quavers with fear. “Enough. You’ve made your point.”
We stare at each other in silence for a few tense moments.
My father mops his brow again, then says, “If I free you from our bargains, I need at least a binding promise that you’ll do your best to keep your lineage from leaking to the public.”
I give a cold laugh. “Did I say I was open to negotiations? Rescind our bargains now, no conditions, no promises. Simply trust that I care enough about Angela to do my part. The rest is up to you, asshole.”
He bares his teeth. “How dare you talk to me that way, you ungrateful?—”
I rise from my chair and start to stride away.
“Wait.” His shout once again draws the curious eyes of the other patrons. “My dear son,” he says, softening his tone, “it’s been too long. We still have more catching up to do.”
With slow steps, I return to him, stopping next to his chair and staring down at him. “End it,” I say through my teeth.
I’ve never seen him so pale, so frail, so cowed. His gaze flicks to the other tables before he stares down at the paper again. Then, in the quietest voice, he sets me free.
My relief is dizzying,thrilling, thrumming through every muscle in my body. I’m free. I’m fucking free. Part of me is stuck in disbelief, convinced it was all a trick. It’s so simple to end a bargain, so devoid of fanfare. In cases where one party set the bargain’s terms to impose on another, the first party must revoke the bargain by verbally stating it is null and void and all terms have been either fulfilled or dissolved. Father stated exactly that—in a whisper only I could hear—but he said it. Twice, specifying which bargain he was ending each time.
