She grimaces but turns it into a smile last minute. “Oh, yes. Saint Lazaro. They’re quite notorious, aren’t they?”
“I know they don’t have the best reputation with the fae,” I say, feigning enthusiasm, “but Brother Dorian is seeking a fae bride. Don’t you think that means he admires my kind?”
“Mmhmm,” she mumbles unconvincingly. Nadia is human so she can lie without issue. She holds up a blue wool skirt and sets it aside with the silk, then tosses a white lace blouse over the top of it. “I suppose they want to show the world they’ve changed,” she says. “That’s why so many churches have started hosting pageants. It proves they’re fun and modern and tricks people into joining their congregation.” She snorts a laugh but cuts off. “Oh, I’m not making fun, Pearl dear. If you fancy a man of the church, I support you all the way. How many outfits do you think you’ll need?”
“The pageant lasts for seven days, but I doubt I’ll be there that long,” I say.
She gives me a perplexed look. “You hold no hope that you’ll win?”
I shrug.
She tilts her head, shoulders sinking. “If this is something you want to do, then why do you look so sad about it?”
Again, I must search for an answer that isn’t a lie. “I, well…I won’t be able to work for Mr. Tuttle during the pageant. I must remain a guest at the church during the competition. I doubt I’ll have time to gatherfound treasures.”
She waves a dismissive hand. “He’ll understand. Mr. Tuttle has always been supportive of us bettering our lives. Perhaps a little too supportive. You might have noticed how many performers come and go from under this roof. It’s only a handful of us who’ve been here since it opened. But we’ll all be happy for you if you win, and we’ll welcome you back if you don’t.”
“I’ll…I’ll miss the theater if I win.” It’s true. I’ve grown fond of my little makeshift home this past year. Once my mission is complete, I’ll be free to go anywhere I please. While I’m excited at the prospect of unhindered travel, the theater has become a comfort to me. I’m not even sure I’ll want to leave it. Then again, freedom from Nimue means I won’t have to hide anymore. I’ll no longer need a fake name. I can be Princess Maisie. I can go anywhere, do anything. Does a princess belong at a fledgling theater?
“Oh,” she says with clear surprise. “I wasn’t sure you liked this place or any of us much.”
A pang of guilt strikes me. I never meant to make anyone at the theater think I didn’t like them, especially Nadia. It’s more that I’ve avoided making close friends. With as many secrets as I have…well, it just didn’t seem right.
“What about this?” Nadia holds up a shimmering gown. It’s made of sheer, iridescent silk in pale pink, blue, and white, reminding me of a dazzling opal. It’s sleeveless with thin straps of pearl. I can’t quite tell by the way it drapes from the hanger, but it doesn’t seem to have a back. If it does, it’s very low. “I’ve been working on this for weeks. It’s in the fae style. You know, no extraneous fabric, lots of places to reveal skin. It should suit you beautifully.”
I shake my head. “I’m impressing a man of the church, not working the Orchid Garden.”
She shakes her hips. “You think religious men are above earthly desires? If you wear this, you’ll win. Trust me.”
I don’t need to win, I say to myself.I need to kill. What I say out loud is, “I’ll think on it and come back if I change my mind. For now, let’s just plan on three days of clothes. Modest ones.”
She shakes her head and returns the dress to the rack. “Pessimistic Pearl. Very well.”
After Nadia finishes picking out my clothes—and insisting she be allowed to alter them to fit me perfectly before the pageant starts—I return to my room. Sure enough, Podaxis is there, hounding after my heels as I make my way across the floor. All I want to do is sink to the floor and lie under my sealskin. But I can’t. It’s gone, and I won’t get it back until I succeed at my mission. So I sink onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling instead.
Podaxis crawls up the mattress next to me. “Maisie, I can’t take it anymore. What really happened? Why are you joining that ridiculous contest?”
My answer comes out small. Weak. “She found me, Podaxis.”
“Who?”
“You know who. Nimue. My mother.”
He shrinks down at the sound of her name. “Oh, no. What does that mean?”
A tear slips from the corner of my eye and trickles down the side of my face. I wish I could just close my eyes and forget the last couple hours ever happened. But Podaxis is my best friend. My brother. He deserves the truth.
I tell him everything.
13
As the next days pass, I spend much of my time pacing my bedroom, working hard at convincing myself I’m doing the right thing. Not only for myself but the good of Faerwyvae. Just because the boy I saved didn’t prove to be a masked murderer overnight doesn’t mean I didn’t do something terrible by letting him on the isle. And if the assassination was truly sanctioned by the Alpha Council…shouldn’t I trust their judgment? The man killed a fae, after all. He may have been ten years of age, but his victim had been caged in a cellar, cuffed in iron, and forced to fight for three years. Could it really have been in self-defense? She was stabbed seven times. He was drenched in her blood.
When logic fails to take the burden from my heart, I focus on the selfish reasons for doing what I’m about to do. After one kiss, I’ll be free to have whatever kind of life I desire, to live anywhere I please. I can go back to see Father—
Thoughts of him twist my heart. I’m still not sure how to feel after my talk with Nimue. Why didn’t he tell me about his bargain with her? Could there be any truth to what she insinuated? That he bargained me away because the thought of having a deadly daughter disgusted him?
No, I refuse to believe that. Even so, the questions plague my mind as the days draw closer to the start of the contest. Time and time again while I’m pacing my room, I debate picking up pen and paper and writing Father a letter. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve resisted communicating with him ever since I ran away for fear that my letters could be intercepted. Now that I’ve been found by Nimue, there’s no need to hide. Ishouldwrite to him. If not to ask him my questions, then at least to tell him I’m safe.
