“That wasn’t your fault, Podaxis. That was mine.”
“If I’d gone, I could have looked out for you. If I’d learned to shift, I could have fought him off. I’ve known all this, yet I’m still frightened to shift. Perhaps more so. I thought if I could prove shifting to be impossible for me, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about what happened to you. That’s why I don’t like to leave your side now. Why I’m not even sure I can leave you to be with Nadia.”
I scoop my friend up in my arms and hug him to my chest. “No, Podaxis. Please don’t feel that way. What happened the night I killed Luther had nothing to do with you. You may be my best friend, but you aren’t responsible for me.”
“I like being responsible for you.” Laughter enters his voice. “If I’m not, who will be?”
“You’ve been the best friend anyone could ever ask for.” I hug him tighter, then set him back on the ground. “But it’s time to let me go. I want you to be happy. To experience love.”
“I don’t know if I can—”
“You can,” I say, voice firm. “You can and you will. Nothing will ever stop us from being friends. You will always be my brother.”
He shrinks down again, claws clacking together. “Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?”
I select my answer with care. “I am, Podaxis. You will not come with me.”
“Surely, we’ll still see each other again. I don’t care if you’re made to become an assassin. I don’t care—” He cuts off and stares at me, his tiny eyes growing wider. His mushrooms pale again. “You’re not going to accept her bargain, are you?”
I purse my lips and look away from him. My gaze shifts to the east, where the palest blush of light begins to spread.
“You can’t let yourself die!” he says, voice breaking.
My heart aches at his agonized tone. “I won’t let Nimue manipulate me for a second more. If she’s willing to let our broken bargain and the curse she placed on me take me to my death, so be it. I’d rather die than be controlled by her.”
He circles me until he stands in front of me, shifting side to side to try and get me to look at him. “Dorian wouldn’t want this.”
“He wouldn’t want me to become a mindless killer like Zara either.”
“He’d rather you live as an assassin than die.”
“It doesn’t matter what he would want, or even what you want. This ismychoice. My life. My death. I’ve already made peace with it. I’ve lived well. Found friendship. Experienced love. I will not let Nimue take that from me, sour my memories, crush my spirit.”
He taps his pincers, but he’s finally left without argument.
“When Dorian wakes up, tell him I’ve returned to the sea. That I’ve left him my heart and it will forever be his.”
“Maisie—”
I stare down at my friend, expression firm. “Tell him. And promise me you will let yourself love after this. That you won’t let my loss break your heart. That you will never be afraid to show your true self. Love with abandon. Love with every fiber of your being. Do it for me. For yourself.”
“But you, Maisie. My love for you may be different from what I feel for Nadia, but it’s just as real.”
Tears prick my eyes, and my voice becomes strangled. “You will love me too. So long as you do, I will never die.”
“That’s not true at all.”
My lips curl into a smile. “It’s true enough.”
He sniffles, and my heart twists in my chest. I’m about to pick him up for another hug when a rippling movement in the distance catches my eye—the unmistakable flick of a sea serpent’s tail. Nimue. She doesn’t draw closer, only waits in deeper waters, her tail drawing sinuous patterns over the surface. The horizon has turned a shade brighter. Soon dawn will give way to sunrise and the curse will burn the clothes from my flesh, leaving me naked. A selkie without her skin. Without clothing during daylight hours. I’ve never witnessed what happens next, but I know how it ends. I will die. Even if I dive to the bottom of the sea, I won’t escape death. Instead, I’ll turn to seafoam.
To nothing.
It’s a terrifying thought, one that spikes panic, gives me just a moment of temptation to accept any bargain that keeps such a fate at bay.
Then I think about Dorian. About how many others like him Nimue could command me to kill. I lift my chin, eyes narrowing as I watch the rippling shape draw closer.
“Go, Podaxis,” I say, tone laced with urgency. “Hurry! Don’t let her see you, please. Watch over Dorian. Make sure he doesn’t wake up to see any of this.”
