His jaw clenched. “I’m not trying to be fair. I’m trying to—” He clamped his mouth shut, then blew out a breath, clearly trying to take things down a notch. “I want to tell you. I just want to do it right. Give me time to figure out how to talk about this.”
“Why should I?” I demanded. I was too angry to deescalate. “You’ve had fivemonthsof time. Why should I wait any longer?”
His brows snapped together, and his chin jerked up. “Because I’m a little exhausted from saving all your friends right now.”
His words hit me like a gale, fierce enough to bowl me over and rip the air from my lungs. I felt impossibly fragile, a glass on the brink of shattering. “I see.” Instead of disappearing under the impossibly soft linens, I slid out of bed. I wanted to be as upright and proper as possible, as though it could protect me from further hurt. I spoke, as icily polite as I could manage. “Thank you, my lord. You have my gratitude.”
He looked instantly ashamed. Paz poked his head out and made a chiding, chittering sound. “I’m sorry. This is bigger than me. I can’t just blurt it out—”
“Got it.” I couldn’t be in here anymore. I crossed the room.
At the door, I hesitated, one last horrible thought invading. “My aunt suggested even most high shedim wouldn’t have been able to do that spell. That you’re not just high but from the upper echelons of their court. Is that true? Or was it because of the binding?”
Behind me, he was silent a long moment. “The binding made a huge difference. But…it is true.”
And I was just a human girl from a tiny village. I heard myaunt’s words in my head:What do you think would happen if you, a human girl, married a high shayd? Do you think he’d stay here with you in Talum after you graduated?“What are you doing with me?” I said, and I was horrified to hear the wobble in my voice. “Do you even like me? Why did you—kiss me?”
I heard the creak of the bed, his footsteps as he came closer. “Naomi—”
He tried to catch my hand, but I yanked it away. I whirled, breathing hard, my control snapping. “Don’t touch me,” I said. For a moment when I saw his startled, hurt expression, vicious satisfaction flooded me. Then it drained away, and I wanted to sob. I ran.
I spent the next few hours curled up in my aunt’s library, unable to concentrate. I tried to read, but my mind kept slipping.
I wished I could talk to Mom.
Instead, I silently ate the dinner Aunt Tirtzah’s housekeeper brought me, then cried into my armchair and felt pathetic for another few hours. When it was late enough I thought Daziel might be asleep, I crept back to the room we’d been forced to share. He’d created a nest of bedding on the floor, and I slipped into the massive bed.
But he wasn’t breathing the way he did when he was asleep. Instead, we lay there in the dark for hours, awake and unspeaking, as the moon drifted across the window and the cold seeped in.
~~~
When I woke, Dazielwas gone.
I could see remnants of his presence—black glitter on his pillow, the mess of his blankets. Paz blinked up at me from the top of the dresser.
“Hello,” I said. I could be mad at Daziel but not Paz. “Are you with me today?”
He cheeped, and I pet the back of his neck with one finger. Feeling slightly better, I took a very long, hot shower, then put on some of the guest clothes stocked in the closet—simple drawstring pants and a boxy shirt. Paz curled up on my shoulder, and we headed downstairs.
Aunt Tirtzah sipped coffee in the dining room.
“Good morning,” I said.
Aunt Tirtzah looked up. “There you are. I wasn’t sure how long you’d sleep.”
I poured a cup of coffee from the pitcher on the sideboard and sat. She’d prepared it the same way Dad did, with cardamom and cinnamon, and it made me briefly, achingly homesick. “Daziel’s not here.”
“The grand duke sent for him for breakfast two hours ago.”
I blinked at her. “The grand duke?”
She lowered her paper. “Daziel is a high-ranking shayd. If he’s involved in the treaty negotiations, we want to make sure he’s well treated.”
“After arresting him. Which…was not treating him well.”
“These things are complicated. Eat something. You barely had dinner.”
I piled my plate with tomato salad, scrambled eggs, and toast. “So he’s…with the duke?”Without me, I thought. It wasn’t like Iwantedto meet the duke, exactly, but…it would have been nice to be invited.
