I stop in front of the workshop door, take a deep breath, and then push it open.
Nobody pays attention to me as I walk inside. The ground is covered in a thin layer of sawdust, and a few techies are crowded around a hand-painted set, arguing about blocking and props. They don’t bother giving me a second glance as I walk by.
Audrey II is sitting in the back corner of the workshop, fake vines spilling from all sides of her. My heart swells. Alex has done a phenomenal job. The base of the Venus flytrap is layered in different shades of green felt, and the lips of the plant are painted a waxy red. The mouth is gaping, huge, with sharp wooden teeth that have been carefully painted white and screwed into the gums. It’s easy to tell how much work he’s put into her.
Then, to my horror, the mouth begins to slowly close. I jump back—startled—and scream just as the jaws clamp shut.
A few students glance my way, giving me a weird look. There’s a rustling behind Audrey II and a moment later, Alex emerges from the depths of the contraption. When he sees me standing there, his brows furrow in confusion.
“I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I wanted to explain.”
His eyes harden. I may have taken him by surprise, but that’s not enough to wash away his anger toward me.
“It doesn’t matter.” The warmth is gone from his voice.
An ache fills my chest.You don’t matteris all I hear.
Alex steps in front of Audrey II. I think back to all those texts we exchanged, how excited he was to be working on the mechanics of his creation. I want to tell him how amazing it looks, but I know it’s too late for that. I hope it’s not too late for this.
“I really care about you,” I finish, hoping he hears the longing in my voice.
He laughs in this cruel, anti-Alex way. “Really? Because the way you treated me in the cafeteria? It didn’t exactly feel like it.”
My eyes lower down toward his paint-spackled Converse. “I shouldn’t have acted like that.”
He crosses his arms, two black sleeves pulled tightly across his body. “I like hanging out with you, Kira. Imorethan like hanging out with you. But when I really thought about it, I realized I was like… your secret.”
Now I’m confused. “Wait, what?”
“I didn’t see it at first. But then I did. We’d only spend time together if it was only the two of us. I know I’m not cool like Jay or whatever, but I didn’t think you were ashamed of me. And then at lunch you just flipped a switch and—I don’t know—shut me out.”
I feel my eyes go wide in shock. “I’m not ashamed of you.”
“Really? Where are we now?”
He wants me to prove his point that we’re in a secluded part of the theater, but I can’t. How could he think I’m embarrassed by him? We had dinner at Rosita’s. I’ve been trying to gain his attention at school allweek.
I take a small step closer. “You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand? I told you everything about my family, Kira.Everything.About my cousins and my parents and my sisters. God, I told you how I felt aboutyou… I put myself out there, then you shut me down in front of your friends. Slammed the door just when I thought—” He shakes his head.
“I’m sorry.” I try and blink back tears, but they betray me.
He shakes his head. “Forget it.” He won’t look me in the eyes. “You didn’t have to tell me anything about that night in the first place. It’s not like we were… anything.”
Those words stab like knives straight into my chest. A rush of emotions flood through me. I rewind back to feeling his hands stabilizing me in the dark theater. The way he glanced at my profile as he drove us out of the school parking lot and to the donut shop. The smiles he saved for me as we walked by each other between classes. Maybe we weren’t anything, but I still want to be something. I want his friendship. His trust.Him.
I wipe at my face, attempting to compose myself. “I was scared. I didn’t want anyone finding out about them, but you were so—”
Alex’s eyes cut away from me. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
Translation:I don’t care.
I watch as he walks away, disappearing around the massive body of Audrey II. This time, I don’t go after him.
THIRTY SIX
MY DAD’S WATCHING THE LOCALnews when I get home from the game against Little Pine. When he sees me, he smiles and mutes the TV. “Goose! Your performance was so great. We were all so excited to see you shine out there.”
