It was a mistake.
A weak moment. And I’m not weak. I’m unattached. I’m selfish.
FUCK!
Being selfish is what got me into that mess last night. When I turned into my wolf… words can’t explain what I felt. He wanted to run, but we couldn’t. He didn’t understand that it was all temporary. When she left, so did he.
The confusion he felt when she ran out of the bathroom nearly broke me. It only took a minute before I shifted back and my wolf was gone. I laid on the floor as he struggled to get back out, hitting that invisible barrier that has blocked him for so long. But I still felt him inside of me. Pacing. Angry.
When she came knocking on my door, excitement fluttered through me, through him. She looked sad, and I wanted to hold her, while at the same time, my wolf wanted to be near her. To him, she was an opportunity. An opportunity for freedom.
And me, the selfish prick, wanted to continue feeling my wolf, so I talked to her, kept her around. When she tried to leave, I should’ve let her go, but my wolf cried out, so I stopped her. She likely couldn’t hear the guilt in my voice, but I could. And I hated it.
All the emotions. All the pain, and fear, and wanting… it became too much.. When I kissed her, that was all it took. I lost control and Idon’tlose control.
“Do you want to go out with me?”Emmett asks from somewhere in the house. It’s still very early, so he’s probably in his room.
“Yes. I need out of here.”Guilt rips through me as my eyes fall on Everlee again, still asleep.
I don’t want to leave her- my wolf doesn’t want to leave her, but I have to. He doesn’t understand. It’s not healthy to stay around her.
Several minutes later, I’m standing in Emmett’s room with him sitting in his chair by the window with a smug look on his face. “Told you that you wanted to fuck her.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I scoff, only causing him to laugh. “And we didn’t have sex.”
“I know. I listened to every delicious moan and groan. She wanted your cock bad. Why didn’t you give it to her?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He cuts his eyes at me as he walks into the hall. “I want to be back to cook them breakfast. I’ve been slacking on my duties since she’s been here.”
“I know. Knox tried to cook breakfast a few days ago and nearly caught the whole damn house on fire.”
“He still owes me a new pan. Fucker destroyed it and that’s a hard thing to do.”
We’re in our black Audi, driving away from the house minutes later.
“So you want to talk about last night?” he asks, casting a side glance over his shoulder.
“No.”
He sighs, clearly not the answer he wanted to hear. He’s always been the ‘talk through your feelings’ kind of guy. Not me. I’m a ‘push them down so far that you grind them into non-existence’ kind of guy.
“Fine. How about this? Everlee is supposed to help us break the spell that Samara cast. When she does that… what does that mean for us? Last night when you were in your wolf form… I had a hard time controlling my feelings. It was like millennia of hate was seeping out around us.”
“I felt it too.” For so long, I’d been focused on getting my wolf back, I haven’t stopped to think about what that means. What I could lose. Emmett is my best friend, but vampires and werewolves are archnemesii. Is that even a word? It feels like it should be a word.
“I’m also concerned, because I’m scared I’m going to go back to being a ripper again. While the inability to taste anything has truly sucked, I haven’t killed anyone.”
“So you don’t want her to break the spell?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I wanted my wolf back, but at what cost? Could Emmett and I try to remain friends? If he can’t control his bloodlust, then I know there’s no way.
“I want her too, but… also… I don’t. When- if she breaks the spell, then she leaves. I can’t explain it, but… I don’t want her to leave. I don’t know if my feelings are jumbled up because with her around, I’ve been able to taste blood again, but… I don’t know if it’s something more.”
“I was a dick last night.”
“Before or after you teased her and nearly made her come?”
“All the above. I shouldn’t have teased her, but…” I growl out. “She gets under my skin. I don’t know how or why. And then last night when she came back… I was selfish. I didn’t want to lose my wolf and when she’s around, so is he.”
