“Can mom get a hug?” she asks meekly.
“Of course. Hugs for everyone!”
She smiles and walks over. “I’m glad you’re ok.”
She turns to the boys, “Thank you all for taking care of my girl.”
“Of course ma’am.”
“May I?” she asks holding her arms out wide in their direction.
“Come here!” Knox says, stepping up and opening his arms for a hug.
She moves around, wrapping each of them in her arms, her eyes filling with tears more and more. She ends with Jax and reaches up to grab his cheeks, just staring at him with tears running down her face. “Thank you. You didn’t even hesitate.” She brings him in for another hug.
I take a few deep breaths, psyching myself up for the conversation I thought I’d never have. Part of me is glad this happened, though… so it forces me to have it. The boys have given me more confidence in both the bedroom and my personal life, but I need to continue it in all aspects of my life. I need to take control and take what is mine. Images of Sammie float through my head, as do her words of commanding strength.
Nerves course through me as my pulse races. “Mom? Can I talk to you?”
Lizzy is walking back into the kitchen, but leans back and does a full one eighty, looking at me in surprise with her eyes wide open. They dart from side to side like an animal trapped in a cage, then she holds up both hands, fingers crossed and blows me a kiss.
Beckett stands beside her, eyes equally as wide with a slow motion ‘oh shit’ puckered on his lips.
“Sure, honey.”
“We’ll go outside.”
Lizzy and Beckett quickly scramble into the kitchen, pushing after each other.
“Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes. I’ve got two quiche in the oven and other stuff and stuff… and fruit and stuff,” Lizzy mumbles.
Leading mother across the dining room to the back of the house, my pulse grows louder and louder in my ears, thumping like a steady drum. A fast beat, but steady.
The air is a few degrees cooler than earlier, but still muggy, with more clouds in the sky. Maybe that’s a good sign? No rain means I’m not about to blow up my entire family for the men I love?
Taking a deep breath, I let the air fill my lungs and just hold it, letting it slow down my heartbeat. We pause on the deck, the air thick around us. Over my shoulder, I see Beckett and Lizzy peeking behind the curtain in the corner, like little children looking for Santa’s sleigh outside.
“Let’s go to the beach. It’s a little cooler down there.” And away from prying ears. I need to do this, but do it without the added stress of others listening to every word.
“Sure, honey.” Her voice is shaky.
She is nervous too.
We walk across the boardwalk and place our shoes near the stairs and step onto the soft sand, being sure to avoid the scattered pieces of broken seashells former vacation goers had likely left. I hadn’t noticed them before, but it’s baffling how acutely aware of your surroundings you become when you have potentially unsettling news to share. It’s like your mind focuses on any and everything else,butwhat youneedto say.
Someone had brought the kayak back up and tucked it against the dune right in front of the house, along with our chairs and umbrellas. I toyed with the idea of setting them out, but I felt this news was better delivered standing up.So you can run if you need,my subconscious chimes.
I take a deep breath, psyching myself up to speak, then blow out the breath.
We walk down the beach and I do this a couple more times, each time no closer than the last to actually speaking.
Mother grabs my hand, and we stop walking for a moment. “I know there is something you need to tell me, and I want you to know that no matter what it is, that will not change the way I feel about you. You are my daughter, and will always be my daughter, and I love you.”
A knot the size of Kansas is stuck in my throat as I try to hold back the tears.
We start walking again.
“Mom.”
