“All good?” Lizzy asks, gathering up the glasses and trash.
“Yes. Jax was just wondering what was going on.”
She let out a hum, but says nothing.
“Do you need a bathing suit?”
“Do bra and panties count?”
“I’m fine with it if you are.”
JAX – TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY
Myphonefeelslikea brick in my pocket, after I send my last message to Everlee. I want to pull it back out and stare at the message or send her another one. I’m regretting not getting cameras installed before so I can watch her. Not in a creepy way. Just…
All the guys have said they love her except me and it’s not because I don’t. I do. She’s great. Better than great. The way she is around Callum. What she’s done and is doing for Knox. Emmett. He’s just over the moon.
I just feel like if I say it now then it’s because they did and she won’t think I mean it, but now it’s been days and it’s beginning to be too long.
Fuck!
I fall onto the couch and lay here for a second looking up at the ceiling. What am I doing? I was not supposed to fall in love with a chick. We were going to be bachelors forever. I know that doesn’t seem likely, but that was the plan until her.
“Everything ok?” Callum opens the door and walks in.
I roll off the couch and plant my feet on the floor. “All is gravy, brother.”
“That good? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Everlee in the hot tub?”
“Yea. Her and Lizzy.”
“Oh, boy.”
“Yea.”
Callum’s eyes are like lasers, burning a hole in the side of my face. He’s concerned about me, and really he doesn’t need to be, but I guess he doesn’t know that. I sigh, “I haven’t told Ev I love her.”
“Has she said it to you?” he asks, stepping a foot closer to me.
He clearly thinks he’s made it past the outer barrier he says I constantly keep up. One thing he says I need to work on, but he’s said that since we were little. When we moved into our first foster house, I went into it unknowingly. I thought our dad was going to find us, come track us down, but he never showed up and the couple that was supposed to watch over us were a bunch of cunt bags. They were using their home to get money and treated us like complete shit. I started running away, because I didn’t want to stay and one time ran into Mrs. Mary. She was different, loving. She made me miss what I never had. Made me want it. I was terrified of getting hurt or being let down, so I built up walls and shut people out. I mean, I gave them a peek inside through little windows I was forced to carve out, but no one ever really saw the real me. It’s what made me so good in the Navy.
Methodical.
Emotionless.
When I came back, Callum had pushed me to open up and talk about my feelings, but that’s not me. Occasionally, when I’m with her, they come out. She allows me to let down my guard, but then I get scared. So I fight it.
“Jax? Has she said it to you?”
“What? No, but I think it’s because she doesn’t want to pressure me…”
“Or maybe it’s because she’s scared.”
“You think?”
