His eyes drop to my mouth, and my pulse takes off like I just ran a marathon.
"I can't." The words sound like they're being dragged out of him.
"Can't tell me, or can't think about it?"
"Both. Neither." He runs a hand through his hair, and I watch it fall back into place. "Fuck, Maya. You're twenty-five anddrunk at your birthday party. This isn't... this isn't how this should happen."
"I'm not that drunk." I am absolutely that drunk, but I'm also more clearheaded than I've been in months. "And I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember."
Something breaks in his expression. Heat floods those green eyes, and for one perfect moment, I think he's going to kiss me. God, I want him to kiss me. I want it so badly I ache with it.
Fuck it.
I close the distance between us. Rise on my toes, and press my mouth to his.
For one perfect heartbeat, he kisses me back. His hand comes up to cup my face, thumb brushing my cheekbone in a touch so gentle it makes my chest hurt. His lips are warm and soft, and everything I've imagined in seven years of wanting him. I taste beer and something sweeter, something that's just him.
Then he pulls away.
"We can't." He steps back, putting space between us that feels like miles. "Maya, you're Emma's best friend. We can't do this."
The rejection stings worse than the cold. "Jackson..."
"You're drunk. Tomorrow you'll wake up and realize this was a mistake."
"It's not a mistake."
"It is." His voice goes firm, final, the voice he probably uses when he's captaining his team. "I'm sorry. I need to go."
He turns and walks back inside before I can find the words to make him stay. Through the glass door, I watch him say something to Emma, and see her face crease with concern. Then he's gone, the front door closing behind him with a soft click that sounds like the end of something.
I stand here on the balcony in his jacket, my lips still burning from a kiss that lasted maybe three seconds. My heart is pounding, and my hands are shaking, and I don't know if it's from thecold or the tequila or the fact that I just kissed Jackson Anderson and he walked away.
I don't cry. I'm too numb for tears. Too shocked by my own boldness and his rejection.
Emma finds me twenty minutes later. "Hey. You okay? Jackson left really suddenly."
I shrug and slip off his jacket, handing it to her. "Can you give this back to him?"
"What happened?"
"Nothing." The lie comes easily. "I'm just tired."
She studies my face like she's trying to read between the lines, but she doesn't push. She just hugs me tight and makes me promise to text her tomorrow, then leaves with Chase. They collect a still-sleeping Tyler on their way out, Chase hefting him up like he weighs nothing.
I clean up the apartment alone. Throw away cups and bottles, wipe down surfaces sticky with spilled drinks, and pick chip crumbs out of my carpet. I move through the motions because it's easier than thinking, easier than processing what just happened.
Jackson's gift sits on the counter where I left it, still wrapped.
I open it carefully, peeling back the paper to reveal a small box. Inside is a silver bracelet with a single star charm dangling from it.Simple. Beautiful.Exactly something I'd choose for myself.
There's a note tucked underneath:Keep shining, Stardust. – J
Stardust.He used to call me that when I was younger. He said I was bright even in the dark, that I had light in me even when I couldn't see it myself.
I fasten the bracelet around my wrist and walk to the bathroom. The girl staring back at me from the mirror is twenty-five and tired and still hopelessly in love with a man who just turned her down. Her lipstick is smudged, and her black curlsare a mess. She looks exactly like someone who just had her heart broken at her own birthday party.
"Happy birthday, Maya," I whisper to myself.
