Having Jackson Anderson look at you that way feels like the sun breaking through clouds.
"Maya!" Emma waves me over, her smile bright enough to light up the whole room. "Look who showed up!"
I force my legs to cooperate. Force myself to walk across the room with something resembling normal human coordination. When I reach their little circle, I paste on a smile that I hope looks genuine.
Jackson's eyes meet mine, and for a second, just one second, something flickers there.Heat, maybe? Recognition.Something I've imagined so many times, I'm probably making it up entirely.
"Happy birthday, Maya." He says it quietly, like it's just for me, even though people surround us. Then he pulls a small wrapped box from his jacket pocket and hands it to me.
"You didn't have to get me anything..."
"Open it later."
Our fingers brush when I take the box, and electricity shoots straight up my arm. I clutch the present and step back before I do something monumentally stupid like lean into him.
The rest of the night blurs together. More tequila shots withTyler. Dancing to songs I don't know the words to. Laughing at stories I won't remember tomorrow. Jackson stays, nursing the same beer for what feels like hours, talking hockey with Chase and some guys from the hospital who follow the sport. I catch him watching me twice. Both times, I'm the one who looks away first because I'm a coward.
By midnight, most people have cleared out. Emma's yawning against Chase's shoulder, her eyes drooping. Tyler's passed out on my couch, mouth open, one arm flung over his face. The apartment looks like a tornado hit it. There are cups everywhere, chip crumbs ground into my carpet, and someone's jacket draped over my kitchen chair.
I need air. Need to clear my head before I make any more terrible decisions tonight. I slip out onto the balcony, leaving the door cracked behind me.
The cold hits me immediately, biting at my bare arms through my thin shirt. I left my jacket inside, but I don't care. The cold feels good after the stifling heat of too many bodies crammed into my tiny apartment. I lean against the railing and breathe in deep, watching my breath fog in the air.
The door opens behind me, and I don't have to turn around to know who it is. I can feel him, the way you feel a storm coming.
"You'll freeze out here." Jackson's voice wraps around me in the dark.
He drapes his jacket over my shoulders before I can tell him I'm fine.It smells like him.Something clean and woodsy that makes me want to bury my face in the fabric and just breathe it in.
"Thanks." I pull the jacket tighter around me.
He leans against the railing beside me, close enough that our arms almost touch. Close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off him. "Twenty-five. That's a big one."
"Feels like any other day."
"Emma said you've been working a lot."
"It's what nurses do." I keep my eyes on the street below, watching a car drive past.
He's quiet for a moment, and I can feel him watching me. "You doing okay, Maya?"
The question lands differently when he asks it. When Emma asks, I can deflect, make a joke, or change the subject. But when Jackson asks, it's like he's actually asking. Like he'd stand here all night if that's what it took to get a real answer.
The tequila makes me brave. Or stupid. At this point, they're probably the same thing.
"Can I tell you something?" I turn to face him, and he's so close.When did he get this close?
"Always."
"I've been thinking about you." The words come out steadier than I feel. "A lot, actually."
His jaw tightens, and I watch the muscle jump. "Maya..."
"I know what you're going to say. I know you're Emma's brother, and I'm supposed to see you as family, but I don't." Now that I've started, I can't stop. Seven years of wanting him is pouring out, and I'm powerless to hold it back. "I never have. I've been trying not to think about you for seven years, Jackson. It's not working."
"You're drunk." His voice is rough, strained in a way I've never heard before.
"I'm honest." I step closer, and I can see his pupils dilate. "Tell me you've never thought about it. About us."
