It’s like she sucker-punched me.
Because fuck, she’s right.
We may be divorced, but she’s known me my whole life.
I sigh into the phone.
“Why would you lie to yourself like that?” Her voice is softer now. “Just because you and I sucked at relationshipping doesn’t mean you can’t make it work with someone else.”
She’s right.
It’s just…
“I know you don’t trust anybody,” she says, and now her tone is maternal. “But your daddy wouldn’t want you to live this way. Take a risk, Liam. Show your daughter that a man can open up his heart even after a world of pain.”
“You should become a life coach,” I say without thinking.
“Really?”
“Really. You have a gift, Cathy.”
“Thanks. Oh, and I’m thinking of moving to Montana permanently.”
“What?” I sit up straight. “When?”
“Not till after you retire,” she says. “But I know you and Hunt have talked about moving out here eventually. And Phyllis and I already see why. I think it would be good for Lulu too.”
“It would, but that’s a big change for you. To move here, I mean.”
“I need a big change.” She sounds genuinely excited.
“Well, okay. This is a lot to think about.”
“No pressure. Play as long as you want to.”
When we hang up, I lie back on the bed.
I always thought I’d be terrified to retire from hockey. I thought I’d play until they had to carry me off the ice.
But Lulu has brought technicolor to my life off the ice. And leaving the arena doesn’t scare me the way it used to.
Like most professional athletes, I have a lot of nagging injuries. Old injuries, current injuries. And plenty of pain that came with them. I want to be able to run with Lulu, ride horses with her, skate with her. The idea of retiring while I’m still relatively healthy has been on my mind since she was born, but after this past season, when I suffered a knee injury that thankfully didn’t need surgery but could have been much more serious, I began to seriously contemplate leaving the game.
The idea gets me fired up.
I reach for the phone to tell Haley my thoughts.
Then I put it down.
Before I contact her, I want to be sure.
* * *
Lulu and I spend the morning together, and Cathy comes to pick her up for lunch. Cathy’s leaving town after the wedding to go on a vacation with her sister in Colorado, and she’s taking Lulu to her house for the night.
Cathy greets me with a smile rather than a grimace, something she hasn’t done since we separated.
I don’t know what Montana has done to her, but I’m not complaining. Her eyes still look tired, but she seems less…miserable. I hate that our marriage took so much out of both of us. Sometimes the best plans just aren’t with the right person.
