Logan clears his throat. “Like you’ll always want Brad Pitt?”
I swallow. “Yeah. Exactly like that. You’re a poster on my wall, Logan. A childhood crush.” I glance down at the diary. “Oh, no. This is the part where…”
“The pasture,” he says instantly.
Where we did it not once, but twice.
The air changes instantly. But I don’t know how to stop reading without it looking worse. If I don’t continue, it will look like I’m hung up on him, but if I do read on—
Good Lord. I have to just charge through.
Logan and Annette had finally broken up after too long of me having to look at her face. And I broke up with Jimmy after three months, which felt like three years, and he went back to his ex-girlfriend who’d never really left the picture, anyway. Suddenly, Logan and I were both single; well pretty much single. I was on and off seeing this recently-divorced man, Tedi, from San Antonio. It was going nowhere, and we both knew it even though he and his ex-wife were long over. But for some reason, I couldn’t break it off completely…Tedi’s fifteen years my senior with two kids, and Mama’s furious with me…she says I’m looking for a daddy in a lover, and I screamed at her about that, but inside I wonder if maybe she’s right.
Logan and I were at the Cowherd Whiskey after closing one night, just talking out on the picnic bench. He dared me to jump the fence and walk through his family’s ranch, cows and all. I knew the bull was in the back field, so I did it, and Logan followed me. We walked for a while…and I think I knew what was coming when he grabbed my hand and held it for the last bit of our walk.
When we got to the fence at the other end of town, I climbed up but Logan grabbed my leg and lifted me back down into the pasture and into his arms. We laid down on the grass for a long time, looking at each other and up at the sky. It was a new moon, pitch dark but for the stars, which were clear as day, and I kissed him first. I’m not usually so bold, but I was feeling so good.
I’ve never been one of those people who says ‘time flies’ because for me, it’s always been slow as molasses. And that’s fine by me. I like slow. I never want anything to go too quickly. Love, sex, moments, all of it.
Logan knows this better than anyone. When we were lying out in his daddy’s cow pasture, we kissed forever, and then we took even longer to take off all our clothes, and then when we made love it was just…forever never felt so good. I think people rush love. I think there’s a real art to taking your time, and letting each moment count. And when I’m with Logan like that, out in our hometown, and it’s just the two of us, it’s like we rule the world and nobody else matters.
Then, the next day, I went on another date with Tedi, and I don’t even know why, but I guess we’re exclusive now.
I can hardly look up. “I know we need this for some reason, but I think I should stop.”
“I forgot about Tedi.” Logan’s voice is quiet and sounds far calmer than my racing heart.
I slam the diary shut. “I forgot about Annette.”
We stare at each other.
And then I stand up. “I have to go to dress rehearsal at the theater.”
“The play’s tomorrow night?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Great.” If I don’t get out of here right this second, I’m going to say something I shouldn’t. “Feel better. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My mind won’t stop racing as I leave Logan’s bedroom.
Because that entry I just read…
I can’t believe I let Tedi into my bed. A man I never even cared about. A man I hardly evenremember.
The only man I never let in was Logan. Because he’s the only one who could have…
Made me change my mind.
I rush out of the main house of Wild Ranch as fast as I can. But as I reach the edge of the front pasture, the glint of light off to the side catches my eye. I turn just in time to see Skip with his cell phone held up in my direction.
Did he just…
I shake my head and keep walking toward the theater.
Chapter Five
