His jaw clenched. “I got revenge on my parents and killed them both, then I left. You have to understand that no one leaves the Points.No one. Even Elshar will need to return eventually unless he wants to be ostracized. Fae are a proud people, and to leave and never come back is the ultimate act of disgrace, especially for the former chieftain’s son. That’s why Balor called me a traitor. I am, but I don’t give a shit.”
“I’m so sorry, Vade. I . . .I can’t even imagine what that was like for you. My parents died right after I was born, so I neverknew what it was like to have a real family. My aunt was inattentive and cold, but nothing like your parents. You never should have had to go through that. What your father did to you . . .”
His dry laugh cut her off. “That’s not even the worst part. The day I returned wasn’t the day I killed them.”
Orelia shifted under the covers, not knowing what to expect next.
“My parents ignored me when I strode into our home, not even seeming surprised to see me alive. I laid in my bed that night, trying to justify my father’s actions. Maybe it was just his way of toughening me up, I told myself. Maybe he was being hard on me to get me to see how fucked up this world is to someone who can’t defend themselves or become what they were meant to be. Stupidly, I tried to dismiss his actions—and my mother’s lack of action—as nothing more than tough parenting. I should have known better.”
“You were a kid, Vade. You can’t fault yourself for wanting to believe your parents were looking out for you.”
His eyes softened. “Maybe.”
Orelia sensed there was more to the story, but she let him go at his own pace. He was finally opening up to her, so she treated their conversation like glass, handling it with great care.
“The real pain came the next day when I went to a part of the mountain where I could see the sunrise. Rarely was the sky anything but gray, but some mornings I would get lucky and see a sliver of orange. I was just about to leave when I noticed a man hiding behind one of the rocks. I managed to fight him off and hold him at knife point, which is when he admitted to being hired by my father to kill me.”
Her mouth fell open. “Oh, gods.”
“The stiv was impressed with my fighting skills and offered to train me. After I killed my parents, I left the Points and became his apprentice, of sorts. He was the king’s executioner at the time, and he took me with him when he received names on his stone. He spent a decade teaching me how to kill with stealth and precision.”
“At seven years old you left your home and trained to become a killer? That’s . . .” She shook her head; there were no words for what that was.
He gave her a half smile. “It saved my life. If not for him, my father would have just found another way to humiliate me before trying to kill me again. I owe that man everything.”
He spoke with admiration for the stiv who had trained a child to become a master of death, as if sparing a boy was an act of kindness on a grown man’s part and not a show of guilt.
“So, this man took you under his wing,” she said.
He nodded. “He taught me how to use seidr weapons, how to spar with them, how to kill discreetly, how to build a fire and cook over a flame. I stuck with him until I was seventeen.”
“What happened when you were seventeen?” she asked.
“He died.”
She pictured a young Vade once again all alone in the world. Her heart ached for who he used to be and how much it must have hurt to lose the only person who’d ever watched out for him. “He must have meant a lot to you. I’m sorry you lost him.”
“Don’t be,” he said.
“Why not?”
His eyes held onto hers for a long moment. “Because I’m the one that killed him.”
“What? Why?”
“Because no one who takes a job to kill a child should be allowed to live.”
Orelia remembered their time in the river when she’d mocked him for doing just that. His reaction made perfect sense now.
“I killed him, then took his place working for Aradonis. I never regretted what I did, and that’s probably because there isn’t any good in me. I didn’t feel an ounce of sorrow for the man who had practically raised me, not even as I plunged my dagger into his heart.” His next words came out soft. “I truly am the monster you call me.”
She placed her hand over his heart, no longer worried about making his walls go back up. He needed to hear her. “Look at me, Vade.”
Slowly, he did.
“You have good in you. I’ve seen it. You saved me from the Freebeasts and got me out of The Pony. You’ve kept me alive when I would have surely been dead on my own. Yes, there are dark parts of you that I don’t understand, and sometimes you infuriate me so much that I want to scream, but thereisgood in you.”
The look on his face gutted her. Cracks spread through his rough exterior, revealing a man who truly believed he wasn’t worth anything. “I’m broken, Orelia. I’m not worth putting back together.”
