Everything they’d done, everything they’d encountered, had been for naught. Her heart was in ribbons. Nothing more than shredded muscle barely hanging on.
She squeezed him tighter, wishing he would hug her back. Wishing to feel his warmth instead of his cold, rigid body.
He still smelled of forest, fire, and the distinctly masculine scent that could only belong to him. She cursed the gods for bringing him into her life just to take him away. How savage a world this was. The irony of her truly seeing it for the first time and Vade not being there to tell her he was right ripped a sob from her throat.
Life was unfair. It was nothing but pain, and loss, and darkness. Nothing but turmoil, strife, and struggle.
She lifted her head and wiped her tears away enough to see. Orelia gently cupped his swollen cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry Icouldn’t save you.”
A tear splashed onto his neck, sliding through the blood and leaving a clean line. She couldn’t stop looking at him, her heart breaking down the middle.
Finally free of the binding spell, and she’d lost him. The tears returned as she pictured him covering her body, knowing how vulnerable his wings were. He’d kept her safe, kept her alive.
And she couldn’t do the same for him.
She pushed his hair back from his face, her bottom lip wobbling. “I’m sorry.” The words squeaked out.
Orelia wished they’d still been bound so she could die with him. She didn’t want to continue on without the man who had protected her. The man who had finally felt safe enough to give himself to someone else.
“You’re mine,” she had told him as they lay on the floor of the cabin wrapped up in one another. The morning sun had kissed his bronzed face as he smiled at her, and there was a glint in his eyes she’d never seen.
Vade had been happy. Truly happy, perhaps for the first time ever in his life.
Now, she’d never be able to see that look again.
“You’re mine,” Orelia whispered.
A hollowness crept into her heart. A desolate hole burning through her. Her mind went blank, and the tears eventually stopped. She couldn’t feel anything. Not the wind. Not the grief. Nothing.
If she had just left the tavern when Vade had told her to, she never would have been attacked by Ivan. If she hadn’t been attacked,Vade wouldn’t have had to use his seidr sana on her. Regular sana wouldn’t have been enough with how injured he’d been and how quickly the poison had spread, but his seidr sana would have saved him.
And he’d used the last one to save her.
Her forehead dropped to his chest.
She was responsible for his death.The numbness that had overtaken her was replaced by utter agony. The agony of guilt, of knowing she could have prevented all this.
Orelia was tired of failing. Tired of being the one to fuck everything up for both of them, and so the agony turned into something else as the seed of a different emotion blossomed.
It felt like anger. It grew, small in its shape, then bigger. Changing. Becoming something else. Becoming rage.
Her breaths came faster. She sat up and placed both palms over his heart. “You’re mine,” she said with fervor. She would not accept her failure. She would not accept his death. “You’re mine. You don’t get to leave me,” she gritted out.
Her light came forth, and the markings on her hands glowed. Orelia focused all her strength and might into her hands, visualizing her light seeping into his heart and stitching it back together. She called on the Omnimagia, the all-powerful place of magic that was life and death. She called on the gods to help, to show her they were good and kind and forgiving.
“Come on,” she muttered.
Vade didn’t move.
Orelia plummeted into her well of power, diving into herself. She pictured her healing like the seed of her anger, growing larger and larger. More light spread from under her palms in a wider radius, covering his chest. The light had never expanded like this, so she dug further. Harder. Deeper.
“Come back and share our home. Come back and claim me. Come back and love me until we’re old and gray.” Her arms began to tremble, insides warming. An internal heat she’d never experienced.
“Come on!” Orelia yelled, sweat beading on her temples.
She gave and gave, her light growing, almost blinding her.
Her view of Vade was blocked by the expansion of light, but he still hadn’t stirred beneath her touch.
