“What happened?”
He drew in a shaky breath then let it out. “What didn’t happen you mean. For starters, I think my stepdad might die anytime now.”
“Oh. I––”
“You don’t have to pretend to feel sorry. I’m not.”
“Then what’s wrong? You seem so…so. I don’t even know. Kind of angry.”
“Angry, frustrated. A lot of things to be honest. I went to see him today. Told him about you. About us.”
Her face softened. “Oh, Chase. How did he react?”
“Pissed. Think I might have speeded up his death.”
“Now that your stepfather knows, I guess soon everyone else will also know that you no longer have those beliefs. That you’re not a part of the group anymore.”
I’m gonna break her heart. Break my girl’s heart so bad.
Chase felt sickened, wanted to vomit. But more so, he wanted to drop to his knees and beg Larke to understand everything he had to say. Maybe she would…
“They won’t know that.”
She raised her brows. “Why not?”
“Because I can’t walk away.”
“What?” The raw pain and confusion on her face stabbed into his heart. “Why, Chase? I don’t understand. I thought youwantedto leave it all behind you.”
He headed toward her, backing up as Larke flinched away from him. “I do,” he said, praying she’d understand he had no other choice. “But I can’t walk away yet.I planned to. I swear to God, I did. Today, before I came here, I found out that a lot of people might suffer if I turn my back so quickly.” Embarrassed and ashamed, he told her all about the ‘stipend’ program and its aim.
“You once told you me that it was the adult’s responsibility when I mentioned not having any food as a kid and having to hunt. Well, now it’smyresponsibility because I allowed Trevor to make those people dependent on the handouts.
Larke stubbornly folded her arms and shook her head. “No. I don’t accept that reasoning. No one forces anyone to do anything. I understand you not wanting the people to suffer; the children who live there, but why does it have to be you who takes on full responsibility? If they’re that impoverished, they can ask the government for help. There are programs out there, they just have to get out of their racist mindset and bubble. And if they’re so desperate for someone to lead them, what about that psycho we saw in the hunting store? He seemed fanatical enough.”
“There’s no one else,” Chase shouted, growing frustrated by the second. Why wasn’t she getting it? Normally Larke was so sweet and accepting. He had people depending on him. Didn’t she understand the guilt he’d feel knowing other children would suffer the way he did as a child?
She stared at him, her eyes shiny. With tears? Fuck. He hadn’t wanted this. Chase closed the distance between them, reaching out to hold her. Comfort her from the hurt he was raining down. “Larke, please. You have to trust me. It won’t always be like this.”
She sidestepped him, pulling away. “I trusted you before. How do you expect me to be with someone who heads a group of people who’d rather see me dead than sit down and have a coffee or friendly talk with me?” Larke shook her head and wiped at her eyes. “I can’t do it, Chase. I wish I could, but this is too much.”
His mind screamed at her.It’s not too much. You can handle anything. You’ve handled everything from me so far.
“I mean, honestly, will I still be able to come over to your house? Will this be the time I get to meet all your friends? Family maybe?” She let out a hurt laugh. “The answer’s no, isn’t it? I definitely can’t tag along to any of your ‘gatherings’ or meet all these important people, who I suppose you’re going to have to meet if you want to get more funds for your precious people. People who need, anddeserveyou much more than I do.
“It ain’t like that,” he snapped. “For fuck’s sake. Just be normal. Accept this.”
“No!” Larke yelled. “I won’t be normal and I can’t accept this because you order me to. Do you think Ilikedknowing my boyfriend was a racist, a member of a despicable hate group? I hated it. And I will always hate it.”
She sniffled and wiped at a tear that fell from her lash. “You know what, maybe I’ll even start hating you for telling me this. For telling me, I don’t matter enough. That my feelings don’t mean as much as people who are filled with hate. People who could never care about you the way I do. People who could never lo—”
“All right,” he bit out, cutting her off. Chase refused to give her the chance to finish ripping his soul apart. “Hate me all you want. It’s not like you loved me, anyway. Am I right?”
Maybe his approach wasn’t the best but damn it, his chest felt like it was being sawed open and someone had taken a knife, carving his heart into bits and pieces. “Guess that promise of yours didn’t mean shit. Staying by my side no matter what happens.”
Larke shook her head hard. “I’m not the one leaving. You are. You had to have known what would happen the moment you decided to choose a bunch of racists over me. Because that is what you did. And don’t for a single minute think you’re doing those precious little white kids a favor. Trust me, you’re now doing to them what your grandfather, mother, and stepfather did to you, helping them on the path to more hatred.”
He snorted, despite the ache in his chest. “Yeah. Well, don’t worry about me. Least now I know where we stand. It’s cool.”
Larke bit the inside of her cheek then gave him a thin smile. “You know what’s funny. When I heard the knock on my door, I’d been sitting here distracted from writing because I was thinking of you.”
She stopped, bit her lip and wiped at her cheek. She was silently crying now. And Chase was dying a slow agonizing death with every tear that fell. “I was thinking how badly I wanted to tell you I love you, but was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. That you’d think I was saying it to make you happy. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to wait a bit, let you see for yourself how I really felt and then when I finally told you my feelings, you’d know they were coming from inside my heart. From every single part of me, that was just madly in love with you.”
Chase squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the wall behind him. His knees felt weak. He wanted to beg for forgiveness, but it was too late. His course was already set. And that was too late to change.
He glanced at Larke and watched her move to the door, holding it open. Her jaws were clenched, her eyes focused on the cream colored wall, refusing to look at him. She wanted him gone.
“Please don’t make this hurt more than it already does.” She was no longer wiping at the tears spilling down her cheeks. For a split second, Chase thought about saying something nasty and hurtful to offset his own pain. He couldn’t. She didn’t deserve it. So he did what he always did––what everyone expected of him. If Larke wanted him gone. He was gone.
