“How long?” I asked in a voice like darkness and omens. A voice like Lynn’s.
“Jessia?” He got carefully to his feet, keeping his distance as every emotion in me was replaced with anger. He knew, andkeptthis from me.
“How longhave you known we’re mates?”
His expression went blank with shock, then those ocean blue eyes filled with apology.
“Answer the question, Fillipus,” I bit out, shaking for a whole new reason. I had a mate, and he was kind and funny and everything I would want in a man, but he was a liar. Secret keeper. Bastard. “How long did you know?”
He scraped a hand over his jaw. “I realised a few weeks before you were taken. That night in the bar, when we sat with Guardian and Dreamer. You went with Dreamer, do you remember?”
I nodded, clenching my jaw as I remembered how sweet Dreamer had been that night, how gentle even though it didn’t come naturally to him.
“It hurt,” Devil said roughly. “Too fucking much to be ordinary jealousy. It was like a hot poker had been shoved through my chest, so I—I figured it out.”
“And kept it from me.”
“No, I was—”
I whipped the dagger from under my shirt and thrust it at him. “Youkept it from me!”
“I’m so fucking sorry.” The look on his face could only be called miserable but I kept my heart hard with effort. “I thought you needed other people, Jessia. Not me, or notonlyme, and I—I couldn’t stand the thought of depriving you of what you need. And youdoneed it. You even told me as much after the Alpha’s Bark, it took your power from you and—”
I laughed, and the sound that emerged was dark, mirthless. “I know what I need, Devil. I certainly don’t needyouto tell me, or worse, to decide what I do or don’t need. I need the truth, always. But you kept it from me. You kept this bond from me, and I’llneverforgive you for that.”
Weeks, I could have been with him. Truly, wholly with him. Not just a relationship but a mate. My eyes burned as I returned my knife to its sheath, hurt beginning to burn alongside my anger but much colder.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” Devil said, watching me but keeping his distance. I could still feel the warmth of him against me. “That was the whole reason I kept it secret—so I didn’t hurt you. So you didn’t think youhadto be with me, and push away everyone else that you needed—”
“Did it ever occur to you that I mightwanta mate?” I demanded, the hurt growing in my chest, pressing against my bones. “That I might wantyou?That you might… you might give me everything I needed?” I saw in his expression that he hadn’t.
He ran a hand through his hair, gripping tight at the roots. “What can I do to earn your forgiveness?”
I shook my head, pressure gathering behind my eyes. I was going to cry and I didn’t want to do it here. In front of my mate.My mate.I couldn’t believe I had a mate, and he’d lied to me. This bond was a gift, a treasure, and he’d treated it like a dirty secret.
“Just leave me alone, Devil,” I said and left him there in the garden.
10
JESSIA
Vienna had killed him. The last surviving monster from the Alpha’s Bark. She killed him. Even days later, I struggled to believe it, to accept that he was gone, they wereallgone. I thought he’d be out there forever, waiting for me to leave the compound so he could grab me again. Now, he was dead. Vienna saved us. A little laugh bubbled up out of me as I leaned back against the kitchen counter in the sanctuary, staring at the room, a bowl of forgotten popcorn in my hands.
The Knights had searched Pewter’s place after Vienna killed him, had scoured his phone and found messages between him and Pierce. Pierce, who was never here in the compound. He’d found me, and paid Pewter to leave his messages behind, but he couldn’t get in. Only Pewter had gained access, and Vienna bludgeoned him to death. Pierce had no way of getting to me.
“Stop thinking about murder and smiling,” Lynn chided, knocking her shoulder into mine. “Think about murder with a straight face like a pro,” she added, making me laugh.
It was rare for me to laugh these days, but at least the numbness had slipped, letting emotions through. Usually, they were hurt and anger and resentment. Longing, too, which I ignored. I missed Devil, but I’d told him to leave me alone and he gave me exactly what I asked for.
“Lynn,” I said, giving her a pleading look.
“No,” she huffed, arms crossed over her chest. “I won’t talk to Devil for you. If you want to make things up with him, put on your big girl pants and do it yourself.”
“Idon’twant to make up with him,” I said firmly. “He lied to me. He kept secrets about the most important thing in my life.”
“So did I, and you forgave me,” she pointed out, earning a swift glare.
It had hurt, Lynn knowing and saying nothing. Others had known, too, and kept it from me. My mate—I had amateand they’d all conspired to keep me in the dark about it. That knowledge sat in my chest like a thicket of thorns, keeping the numbness at bay.
