The last two words had been underlined twice, exactly like Pierce used to underline the sticky notes he left around the house—first as a romantic gesture and then as commands to make sure I had his dinner ready when he came home, the house cleaned perfectly, and lingerie on beneath the tight black dresses he preferred.
I covered my mouth as a sob broke between messy breaths, surprised to find my hand shaking. The words written in violent plum swam in my vision, clearing when I blinked—
“That’s not his handwriting,” I gasped, a tiny breath of hope that felt so fragile in my hands. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and squinted at the mirror. It really wasn’t his handwriting. But who else would write this? Who else would know my old name?
Confusion held back the numbness gathering in my fingertips long enough for me to stumble out of the room, through the sanctuary, and into the clubhouse proper. I was looking for Devil, but it was Prodigy’s path I crossed, the president’s freckled face lined with concern as I ran towards him.
“They’re back,” I blurted. “The person who left the message. They—they wrote on my mirror, but it’s not—it’s not who I thought it was.”
His expression hardened, wrath darkening his eyes even as he squeezed my shoulder. The touch was there and gone fast enough that my skin didn’t burn and prickle. “We’ll get him.”
“But you already tightened security,” I pointed out, then terror gripped my chest as I realised I was talking back to thepresidentof the Alpha Knights MC. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“Jessia,” he interrupted calmly. “You’re right. This shouldn’t have happened. Is there a chance your mirror could have had this message before we locked down the compound?”
I bit the inside of my lip. “It could have. I didn’t actually go in the bathroom, but—Devil did. He’d have seen it.”
Prodigy nodded, his expression calculating.
“I think maybe,” I said hesitantly, “whoever’s leaving these messages for me is still inside the fence. Maybe—maybe in the clubhouse.”
Prodigy’s eyes were like steel. “I wish I could disagree with you, sweetheart. I’ll put a guard on every sanctuary door. Stay out of your room for the next few days. There should be a spare room—”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I have somewhere to stay.” I didn’t tell him I’d be with Devil, mostly because I didn’t know how to explain it. We weren’t together, and he hadn’t so much as kissed me, hadn’t even flirted to express interest. While part of me was glad to avoid that after what happened in the basement, the rest of me was… confused. Maybe a little disappointed. He was the only man whose touch I could stand without going numb all over, and he was so considerate, so delicate in the way he held me. I wanted more, and it was both strange and wonderful to want anything at all.
I had the weird sense that Prodigy knew exactly what I was thinking, and maybe even understood why Devil felt so safe, maybe even what motivated Devil to take care of me in the first place. He didn’t say any of it, though. He just gave me a sad look and asked, “Are you doing okay, Jessia? Anything you tell me is in confidence, I’ll never tell anyone else.”
As if he wouldn’t tell Giant and the new therapist. Still I mustered a smile, because it was nice that he cared, and said, “There’s nothing to tell. I’m healing every day.”
It was a lie, but I hoped one day it would be true.
8
JESSIA
For the first time since I was taken to that basement, since my power was ripped away from me, I made it through a whole self-defence class. It took eight failed attempts, and nearly five weeks, but I was healed enough both physically—I could now walk with only a little twinge, not blinding pain—and emotionally.
My mind was still a little battered. Dreamer’s funeral took everything from me emotionally, but we gave him the send off he deserved and even the most hardened bikers shed a tear. I still woke up too many times during the night, and sometimes the scents that filtered from around the nest doors sent me right back into that hollow, numb fear, but I had this: I’d got through a whole lesson. I’d endured Thora touching me so we could practice defending and attacking, and I hadn’t thrown up. I hadn’t gone cold all over, hadn’t frozen in place. I’d just broken her hold and retaliated the movement.
It wasn’t much, but it was a victory, and I practically bounced out of the room, unable to keep a smile from my face.
Lynn gave me an odd look but I swore her smirk was softer than normal. I had no proof, but I suspected things were going well for her and Cobra lately. She’d been in an uncommonly good mood, recovered after what happened at the Alpha’s Bark.
ChaCha, too, had gone back to her usual snarky, smiling self. I knew I couldn’t be the only one who woke up assaulted with the scents and sounds and the feeling of that wretched mattress on the basement floor. It was so real, so detailed and crystal clear that for a few moments I was so sure I was there. But it felt like I was the only one still struggling. They’d moved on, rebuilt their lives, and in comparison I felt like a sham.
My smiles had become more real, the pretence easier, but… it was still a pretence. When would I wake up and know exactly where I was? When would I walk past the nests and not remember how sex had been a weapon against me? When would I be able to go to the rec room and not stiffen or flinch at every booming laugh, every brush and touch and hug?
Maybe that was asking too much. Maybe it would take years to be free of the Alpha’s Bark. Or maybe my friends were struggling as badly as me, but better at hiding it.
I tried not to let a dark cloud settle over my achievement as I hugged goodbye to Lynn, who begrudgingly accepted it before going to her therapy session, and ChaCha, who squeezed me so tightly I yelped and had to wriggle free.
“Girls night tonight,” she reminded me, only letting go when I’d started to smile again. “Don’t forget.”
“Meforget? I’m not the one who abandoned us for Sweetie last week.”
“He’s comfy, I fell asleep, sue me.”
“Thank you, I will. I’ll sue you for damages.”
