“I’ve got you, angel,” he promised. “Stay here as long as you need.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and let the ocean scent of him fill up my lungs, that promise of safety lulling me into quiet, into peace, into sleep. I hadn’t realised how exhausted I was, how stiffly I’d been carrying myself, until I let down my shields and trusted Devil to keep the monsters at bay.
6
DEVIL
It was both heaven and hell to have my mate asleep in my arms, her soft breaths a gift and a blessing. I came so fucking close to losing her. How much longer could she have survived in that basement? The fact that she wasn’t curled up in a ball in her room was a miracle. The fact that she’d opened up, spoken the words dripping their poison and guilt into her—that was a miracle, too.
But to hold her as a friend, not her mate, had a constant pain in my chest. I needed to tell her, but not yet. Not while she still felt unsafe.
So I allowed myself another minute to hold her, angling my back to catch the wind, shielding her from the cold, and then I forced myself to stand, to carry her inside. She needed rest, not a selfish bastard keeping her outside all night just so he could hold onto her.
“Devil?” she mumbled, bleary as I closed the door behind us and aimed in the direction of the sanctuary. Thora might have my balls for stepping foot in there again, but so be it.
“Yeah, it’s me, angel. I’m taking you back to your room. We can’t stay in the garden all night, it’s freezing.”
“No.” She struggled, her eyes bright and wide, panic hitting me in the solar plexus. “No, I can’t go back there.”
I slowed my pace, then paused altogether. “Where did you sleep last night, Jessia?”
She sighed, relaxing in my arms, but I got the sense it was from exhaustion instead of ease. “On the sofa. But… can I stay with you? Just for tonight. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m not as scared when I’m with you.” She shook her head. “It sounds stupid—”
“It doesn’t,” I interrupted, my voice thick. A dead fucking giveaway. I swallowed the knot in my throat and said, “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. Don’t apologise for whatever you need to feel safe.”
“So I can stay with you?” She didn’t meet my eyes, her voice full of vulnerability that cut right through me.
“Yeah, angel,” I said. “You can always stay with me.”
Even if the secret between us would eat at me all night.
7
JESSIA
Every morning, I got out of bed—Devil’s, while he slept in a chair in the corner no matter how fiercely I argued, or pleaded—and I got through the day. Some days I stayed in the sanctuary, remembering how to laugh and smile and function. Some days, I sat in Devil’s room all day with the knife Lynn gifted me in my hand, waiting for Pierce to walk through the door with the monsters from the Alpha’s Bark.
I swore I caught the scent of one of them earlier, but I knew that was PTSD messing with me. That’s what the therapist I’d dared to see once had said. It was normal to re-experience what happened. Normal to smell those scents wherever I went. Normal to hear the growls and commands and laughter. Normal to wake up six times a night, gasping, with sweat soaked through my clothes.
None of this felt normal. Not the panic, not the paranoia, not the pain that spiked and burned inside me, not the bruises that still throbbed across my body even if their colour had mellowed.
I cringed as I pulled my sleep shirt away from my chest, the fabric soaked through. I’d had to borrow one of Devil’s since I’d already worn all the clothes I stuffed into a bag last week. I glanced around the room, my ears pricked for sounds of him moving in the en-suite, but it was quiet. It wasn’t the first morning he’d been gone when I woke, but something ached in my chest when I didn’t find him here.
I showered and changed, ignoring the illogical prick of hurt in my chest, and headed into the sanctuary. A few people were in the kitchen eating breakfast, their quietude enough to tell me one or all of them were having a bad day. I gave Thora a mild smile as I passed and aimed down the hall to my room.
It’s just a room,I assured myself.The same room you’ve lived in for months.
The door at the end of the hall was shut this time, and there were no unfamiliar scents. “I’m fine,” I whispered, pushing open my bedroom door and bracing myself for an envelope on my bed.
I exhaled hard, my shoulders drooping when the bed was empty. Of course it was. The Knights had increased security; no one would get into my room again. I was safe.
But I still didn’t want to linger, so I quickly filled my bag with clean clothes, making a mental note to throw the ones I’d worn in the washing machine later.See, this is fine,I told myself, going into the bathroom to grab my makeup bag since I might actually have the energy to wear it today.
The bag fell from my hands when I saw the mirror. Not my own drawn face looking back at me, but words smeared in dark plum lipstick. I flinched away, the backs of my legs slamming into the bath. I hadn’t worn that lipstick in years, and the sight of it made my vision blur so I couldn’t immediately read the words scrawled on the mirror.
I had to blink three times, my breathing rupturing into sharp, stunted gasps.
COME HOME, JENNA. FINAL WARNING.
