Why wasn’t that as comforting as it should be?
“I know, but I don’t want to lose you. Dammit. I thought I was getting better at dealing with this.” Maybe playing with fear wasn’t more than a trill. Luc had spoken of mastery, but Dex didn’t feel a shred of confidence anywhere inside him.
Luc’s hold tightened, his wings beating faster. “You are getting better at dealing with fear. You’re facing it. Completely banishing a fear isn’t the only way to conquer it. That’s not always possible. But you’re talking about it, asking me to help you through it, and not trying to hide. As tempting as it seems, we can’t have complete control of life. Most of the time, there’s no guarantee, even if we wish there was.”
Dex swallowed, his throat dry. “You say that like I’m not the only one wishing.”
“You’re not. My desire for guarantees got me into a hell of a lot of trouble, and I’m slowly letting go of my urge to control outcomes. I’d rather channel that desire into positive outlets, like taking charge of you when you need it and want it.” Luc took a deep, shuddering breath. “I can’t control anyone who doesn’t want me to, regardless of what magic allows. That’s a dark path, doomed to fail. But I can try my best to make things happen. Not being in control doesn’t mean I’ll fail.”
It didn’t, though Dex supposed he’d been acting as if it did for years, and it sounded as if Luc had too.
Dex couldn’t do anything about losing friends or loved ones, and on some level, he’d assumed that helplessness made him doomed. He couldn’t stop death, couldn’t control it, and he’d let fear of inevitable loss overwhelm him, living as if the loss was already happening.
Dex cleared his scratchy throat. “You’re right. We have to try.”
“We’ll try our hardest and focus on hope. That’s all we can do.”
The words could have sounded defeatist, but Luc was determined. Confident. As strong as his arms were around Dex, a strength Dex took comfort in. Luc stood with him. He couldn’t control everything like he did when they played, but this was enough.
Luc reached the cliffs and soared through the trees to land on a deck attached to a large home Dex swore hadn’t been there a second ago.
Luc inspected the area as if he’d never seen it before either. “It’s probably overkill leaving you here for protection, but none of us like having our mates out of reach.”
Dex had the next few days off work after shifting his schedule around. Just in case. Though hopefully, he wouldn’t be at Dante’s house for more than a day.
“Overkill doesn’t bother me. Besides, Harper made me promise to come over and keep him company.”
Harper’s plea had nearly been convincing, except for the fact that he was better friends with everyone—except Ollie—than Dex. He suspected Harper wanted him to feel welcome.
There’d been a ton of coordinating over the past few days. Ash was venturing to the Eternal Realm with Luc, Onyx, Valac, and the vampires, leaving Harper and Nico behind. Apparently, everyone had decided Dante’s house was the safest place to wait.
Luc set Dex down, keeping an arm and a wing wrapped around him. A small flock of gray birds circled overhead, then suddenly swooped down to inspect them with sharp, beady eyes.
“I still can’t believe he let me in.” Luc laughed, low and bitter.
Dex frowned at the birds. Their behavior seemed unusual. “You mean Dante?”
Luc nodded, stroking his chin. “I spoke to Ash and Onyx, and they didn’t give much away, but I assume Dante isn’t coming with us. He supports the cause, of course, but doesn’t share Ollie’s optimistic view of me.”
Dex felt the pain in Luc’s words. “Inviting you here has to be a sign he’s considering forgiving you.”
“I hope you’re right.” Luc gave Dex a small smile. “Let’s go in.”
The glass doors leading inside were open, and the living room was full of people. Onyx and Nico lounged on a couch with two women. A man Dex didn’t recognize sat opposite, and a demon was looking out the window, her light gray wings folded at her back.
Ash was in the kitchen, pointing at a bunch of containers while Harper listened, a patient expression on his face.
Ollie and Dante were nowhere to be seen.
Onyx jumped from the couch. “You’re here at last.” He threw an annoyed glare Luc’s way, like he was late to the party, before hugging Dex. “Good to seeyou.”
“You too.” Dex fidgeted. You’d think he was a long-time member of Onyx’s family or something. “Is Rowan coming over?”
“Here?” Onyx drew back as if shocked. “No, we’re meeting him at the club.”
Ash joined then and nodded at Luc. He smiled almost shyly in return, like he couldn’t believe Ash wasn’t taking back his acceptance.
Luc wanted the other demons’ forgiveness so deeply. Dex couldn’t imagine how agonizing it must be. Maybe the agony was deserved, but punishment didn’t have to go on forever.
