“Of course I am, dear.”
“I’m a horrible person.”
“No, you’re not. Like I said, I blame myself for not raising your father better, and for not amending my errors while raising you.” Her tone was so matter of fact, while she sat primly on her chaise, that no one but Ivy would have seen the subtle lines of hurt around her eyes.
Tell her.Ivy’s conscience whispered to her from her soul.Tell her the truth. Don’t let her blame herself.
“You loved me before anyone else did. You taught me all about love. It wasn’t you, it was—” Pause. Swallow. Breathe. “Back in college—” The staccato beat of her heart echoed in her throat as she tried to get the words out. “There were men who...hurt me.”
Nana clasped Ivy’s hands tightly in her own, her grip surprisingly strong given her age. “I know, darling. I know.”
Ivy tried to see through the tears blurring her vision. “You do?”
Nana nodded. “You came home for Christmas that year, but it wasn’t you. There was a light missing from your eyes, like the fire inside you had been put out. And the woman in me knew.”
“How could you know?” Ivy gasped as a grim realization dawned.
To her horror, Nana nodded.
“In my generation, no one spoke about it. If anything, one just assumed it would happen eventually. A supposed gentleman swatting your behind at work. A classmate making unwanted advances at a dance. Boys making lewd comments as you hurried past them, heading home from school. A date taking liberties simply because you’d allowed a kiss. And worse. Much worse. I have seen many women with the look you wore when you came home for the holiday that year.”
Ivy could hardly keep up with what she was hearing. The statistics were there, a simple Google search away. And yet, hearing it from her elderly grandmother…
“What did you do?” she queasily asked. “How did you move on?”
Nana shrugged her slim shoulders. “I simply immersed myself in the business of my life and pushed it to the farthest recesses of my mind. What else was there for me to do? There were no clinics or therapists to assist you. Families did not address such matters. It is why—” She gulped a breath, showing the first real sign that this conversation was taking an emotional toll. “It is why I did not say anything to you when you came home that holiday. I did not know what to say. Did not know how I could help. I heard you crying in your room and could do nothing but stand outside the door while tears rolled down my own face. Another way I failed you.”
“No!” Ivy exclaimed. “Nana, no. It wasn’t your responsibility to help me.”
“Dear girl, but it was,” Nana murmured. “And that is the strength of this new generation. We all carry the responsibility of helping each other. This is no longer a dirty little secret. It is no longer something you have to hide in shame. It was my only solace, knowing that there were those with far more experience than I who could help you and support you. I hoped if you could not reach out to me, you would have reached for others who had the grace and experience to support you.”
“I went to see a counselor right after for a bit,” Ivy admitted. “And I had Hope, who listened whenever I needed to talk. But I didn’twantto talk about it. I...couldn’t. I just wanted to forget and move one. Feel normal.” She swallowed but it did nothing to rid the lump in her throat. “I never did though. I always felt so weak. So broken. Then later there was Sean. He taught me how to defend myself, helped me get strong.” She shook her head. “No, he helped mefeelstrong. He was gentle and patient and helovedme.”
Nana cleared her throat, then briskly wiped tears from her eyes with her napkin. She pulled herself up straight again and looked Ivy straight in the eye. “Well then, if he is half the man you proclaim him to be, I imagine he loves youstill. You must simply pull yourself together and apologize to him.”
Ivy whipped her head up, panicked. “Do you think it’s too late?”
Nana stood and placed her teacup and saucer on the tea tray. Then she collected Ivy’s cup.
“I am not saying any such thing. Although it would certainly be his prerogative if he decided he wasn’t going to while-away his life waiting for you to stop moping about.” She pushed the tea cart toward the kitchen. “But I’ll tell you this, Ivy Felicity Harrington. If you think that you get to live this life again, you have been sorely misinformed.”
And with that, Ivy was left alone in the sunroom, the cart’s squeaky wheels echoing in her grandmother’s wake.
Enough was enough. She had to get back and make things right.
Bringing Jordan to Portland without telling Sean had been a huge misjudgment. She’d thought Sean and Jordan would have an awkward man hug and then a conversation. But, geez, had she been wrong.
It had been horrible seeing a part of Sean she didn’t recognize, but after her rocking chair musings she understood it. Shock and panic made people act differently. He was trying to protect his past. To keep it locked down like she’d done with hers. He didn’t want her to see the ugly parts of him.
They’d worked through that on her end. But the difference was, Sean had gone slowly with her. He’d made sure all her fail-safes were in place before he confronted her truths with her.
She hadn’t given him the same courtesy. Ugh. Her whole body cringed when she thought of how she’d blindsided him.Hurthim.
Urgency filled her as she bolted out of the rocking chair, and down the hall to her room to pack. What had she been doing here? Wasting time, that’s what. She needed to get back to Portland, and she needed to get back now. She’d come up with an apology speech on her drive back.
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
Pacing the small office in the back of Gabe’s bar was the only thing keeping Sean’s sanity intact. From the chair behind the desk, Gabe’s gaze tracked him in total silence. If this was a therapy session, it wasn’t working.
