“I know.”
“I’m going to forgive you for not having served up this delicious tea before now because I know your history with your family. Your mother and sister are good at manipulating emotions so you only like to express them when you’re absolutely certain about what you’re feeling. But this is…yeah. You need to talk this out with me.”
“How do I know if he’s really into me or if he just likes the idea of us being an instant family? There’s no way to separate Oliver from the equation, so there’s no way for me to judge how much he’s a factor in Brian’s feelings.”
“I know you and I honestly don’t think you would have ended up in bed with him if you weren’t getting an authentic into-you vibe.” She sighed and sipped more wine. “I don’t think you doubt that he’s into you. I think it was the jump from bed to cohabitation in the time it takes to eat scrambled eggs.”
“I know that’s how it sounds, but there’s been something between us almost from the beginning.” Siobhangroaned, closing her eyes for a second. “The second time, I mean. Not the time he was marrying my sister.”
“I’m going to ask you a question that’s probably going to make you mad, but as your best friend, I think I have to ask it anyway.”
Siobhan sighed. “Okay. I’m ready.”
“Janelle and Kelly are…” She paused, frowned, and then waved her hand. “They are who they are, so it’s been just you and Oliver. And me, of course. But is there a chance that’s whyyou’reattracted to Brian? Because he comes with a big, ready-made family that sounds pretty awesome?”
Siobhan thought about the Kowalski family, and how much she’d loved spending time with them. They were loving and supportive and funny and very, very focused on being there for each other in all the right ways. She definitely loved his family and even though she knew she’d have to deal with feelings of not being enough for Oliver when he was older, she was so thankful her son got to be one of them.
“You’re mad, aren’t you?” Robin couldn’t take the silence. “Like, so mad you’re not talking to me right now?”
Siobhan chuckled, and then rolled her head against the couch to face Robin again. She really wished her apartment was big enough for conversational seating. “I’m not mad. It’s a valid question and I’m just processing and trying to figure out justhowvalid it is.”
“Oh, good. Our friendship would be one hundred percent more awkward if I had to do all the talking.”
“The thing is, I alreadyhavethe family. I’m Oliver’s mom and they’ve welcomed me in. I could call Lisa to chat or for advice. I’ll probably get invited for Thanksgiving. I don’t have to be with Brian in that way to be a partof the family.” She sighed. “But it was definitely a valid best friend question. You’re very wise.”
“I’m the oldest child. It’s in my DNA.”
Siobhan took the glass out of Robin’s hand, downed a few swallows of wine, and then handed it back. “My problem is that I want Brian. He is everything I ever could have imagined wanting in a man. And more, really. Like there are things about him I didn’t even know to put on my list, like I want a man who’ll carry a rock around in his pocket because it was the first thing his son ever gave to him. When I’m with him, it just feels right.”
“So when you’re with him, it feels right, but when he asked you to be with him, you left.”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to need more to work with here, Siobhan.”
“It feels so fast and it was all wrapped up with Oliver and yes, itfeelsright, but what if it’s not? Right now, we can move on and be cordial and be great co-parents. If I quit my job and we move in with him and Oliver has his family, but it’s notactuallyright, it’ll be devastating for everybody.”
“But what if it’s right?”
Siobhan sighed. “There’s too much at stake.”
“That’s exactly my point.”
* * *
Being alone with an almost two-year old wasn’t quite as terrifying as Brian had feared it would be.
He had a wealth of child-rearing knowledge at his fingertips. All he had to do was send an SOS text message and his phone would be flooded with advice. And if he needed hands-on help, his mom wasn’t that far away. She’d drop everything and head over if they needed her.
It wasn’t a surprise when Sean pulled up to the housea little before noon. Brian had posted a photo of the damage he’d done taking out the gate at the top of the stairs, but in the original family group chat because it would hurt too much to see Siobhan’s name coming up on his phone. There had been a lot of jokes, of course, but they also knew it would be tough for him to fix it while Oliver was there, and nobody wanted the little guy taking a tumble down the stairs.
Sean was there almost three hours, and Brian made small talk with him. But he didn’t let on that maybe Siobhan hadn’t left under the best of circumstances. It was too fresh and tender, and he couldn’t take talking about it yet. And not only would Sean want to talk about it, but he’d tell Emma and then everybody in the family would want to talk about it.
Mostly, he tried to keep Oliver and Stella out in the yard as much as possible. Not only did the open sky and fresh air help Brian’s state of mind, but his best strategy was to wear Oliver out so he’d be good and sleepy by bedtime.
Shortly after they finished supper—dinosaur chicken nuggets and fries from the oven because he wasn’t going to fight food battles on day one—Brian’s phone chimed with a text message from Siobhan.
How’s Oliver doing?
