“No. When Mae was diagnosed, I was tested for BRCA1 and BRCA2. The results came back negative for both genes.”
My shoulders sag in relief. The short-term adrenaline I built up in my body comes crashing down, and I stumble a few steps back to sit on a stool by the kitchen island.
“Thank God, Gracie. I can’t even imagine…”
“Losing you. Until Mae,youwere my biggest tragedy.”
I go still, blinking at her. “Me?”
She scoffs and waves her hand in the air, angrily brushing me off. “The fact that you can’t fathom it as a possibility tells me everything I need to know about how much I valued you and how little you valued me.”
Can someone have a head injury without being hit? I’m dizzy, like I’ve been sucker punched and shaken up a few times. AmIbleeding? I jolt up with renewed, furious energy. “HowlittleI valued you?” I bark. “You can’t be serious.” I look around for an audience to agree with me, to see if anyone else is hearing this blatant lie.
“You moved to a different state, Danny. What was I supposed to think when?—”
“You were my wholeworld, Gracie.” My voice comes out broken and hoarse. “You were, are…I,God.” I flounder, not knowing which deep truth to confess first. There’s so much to untangle.
“I never evenconsideredthat my decision would cause us to break up. It didn’t even cross my mind. If I’d known that you were going to end things, I never would’ve done it. I would’ve quit football entirely if it meant staying together. Make no mistake, it wasyouwho left me. I’ve been selfish with you, in so many ways, but the most selfless act of my life was letting you go. Even if it killed me.” My pulse kicks up and my breaths become shallow.
“Selfless?Selfless?” Her gaze is sharp and unblinking. She looks as furious as the day she broke up with me. “You think Iwantedto end things? You think it waseasyfor me to go back to my dorm, alone? Hang with the friends I only made through you? Try to bond with the girlfriends of boys on a teamyouleftin the dust?” She shakes her head and rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands. “It wasselfishof you to take the meetings without telling me. It wasselfishof you to not involve me in your decisions. Decisions you made on your own. Decisions I thought we would make together. It was like I wasn’t even a consideration?—”
“Aconsideration?” I’m astonished that’s even a word she would use to describe what she meant to me. I search for words powerful enough to describe how I felt—feel—about her. “You were mylife source. It was like I could only breathe normallywhen you were with me. When everything was ripped away from me, the panic attacks would’ve consumed me if you hadn’t been there supporting me those first few months. You were the only thing sustaining me at the time.” I wipe a bead of sweat trickling down my hairline. “After you ended things, it took me…fuck, it took meyearsbefore I was even comfortable going out, meeting new people.”
I’m looking everywhere but her face, as I’m not sure what I’ll see. After a few moments of silence, I risk a glance. Her eyes are tightly closed. A few tears leak out anyway.
“Gracie, I’m sorry.” I lift my hands for a hug, then swiftly retreat.
She opens her eyes, their colors looking particularly muted. “Then why did you do what you did?”
I walk around the kitchen island, needing some physical distance between us. “If you were my life source, I was your parasite. My anxiety, the insomnia, the attacks…they would’ve consumed you, too. I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”
Gracie turns toward me and sits back down on a stool. I can hear her foot tapping against the bottom of the island. “That’s the whole point of being in a relationship, Danny. I was helping you.”
“I wasn’tableto be helped, Gracie. I walked around, unfeeling, like a bag of skin and bones. My soul felt detached from my body. When I heard myself speak, it sounded like…like an echo.”
Her brows furrow in confusion, concern etched across her face as I continue.
“If I had stayed, it would’ve only gotten worse. The depressive episodes… I would’ve only been a burden to you.”
She desperately searches me for clarification. “Depression?”
“Therapy helped me identify it for what it was.”
Sharply tapping her fingers on the countertop now, she asks, “Did you ever consider that Iwantedyou to burden me? To lean on me for support? God, so often, people see the word ‘burden’ as something negative. Giving someone permission to burden you with their baggage is probably one of the most intimate things anyone can do.”
I shake my head. “After everything you went through, you didn’t deserve another unstable man in your life anyway. You?—”
“Youabandoned me.”
Gracie throws me a searing glare. I’ve only seen it once, years ago.
Chapter 33
Grace
Eighteen Years Old
Iglare at my phone…no new text messages. Something’s off with Danny. There’s three days left before his first game, so I figured he was just tired from long practices. But when I texted him to come over after their weekly team meeting a few days ago, he said he was still at the facility with the guys. His explanation didn’t make sense, though. I was with Jessica and her boyfriend, Cooper, who told me the meeting was long over.
