So, I turn my head to gaze up at him and say, “Riding on the back of your bike was something else.”
The corner of his mouth twitches, like he’s about to smile but is holding back. “Is that good or bad?”
“Amazing,” I say quickly. “I get why you all love it so much. It’s the next best thing to flying, only you get to have all the control.”
That gets a real smile out of him. He looks proud as he glances over at his huge tricked-out Harley.
“I didn’t think I’d like it,” I explain. “But once we were on the open road, it felt like nothing else mattered. It was just us. No stalkers, court dates, or fake relationships. Just wind, speed, and the sound of your motorcycle’s motor.”
His eyes don’t leave mine. “I’m happy you appreciate a good ride on the back of my bike. There’s hope for you yet.”
I smile at his gentle teasing. “And speaking of fake relationships…”
He shifts away slightly, still watching me intently.
“We’re adults. We’re sharing a room and a damn bed. If we wanted to… take advantage of our unique situation, it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.”
I know that I’m being all kinds of bold. But I say it in a lighthearted, teasing way. I hedge my bets by pretending I’m only halfway serious. That way, he can laugh it off if I’ve misread this thing blooming between us. I hold my breath, waiting to see how he’s going to react, what he’s going to say.
Onyx doesn’t laugh or make light of my subtle suggestion or refuse outright. He just studies me with a quiet intensity.
And now I’m the one who suddenly can’t look away. Whether I intended to or not, I made an invitation. For once, I’m picking me, asking for what I want and trusting him to give it careful consideration. My mind drifts back to the night he asked to stay at my place and I turned him down. I can’t help but wonder where we would be right now if I had said yes.
He’s quiet for so long that I start to think that I’ve overstepped. I open my mouth to backtrack, maybe even apologize.
Then he speaks, his voice deeper than before. “A fake relationship doesn’t mean everything has to be fake.”
His voice is calm, steady, like he’s thought it over and this is his answer. “If we decide to sleep together,” he continues, “I need you to know that it wouldn’t be pretending for me. I know from the outside looking in, it probably seems like club culture is rough and ready bikers having meaningless sex with club girls, right, left, and center, but you’re no club girl and that means I’m not gonna treat you like one. If we get together, it’s gotta be because we’re lookin’ for something real. Do you understand where I’m comin’ from?”
This is Onyx being honest and careful with me because he respects me. That part is coming through loud and clear. He didn’t jump at the chance to have sex with me. Whatever this is between us is important to him as well.
Trying to get my head around what he’s saying, I murmur, “This sounds an awful lot like those people who describe themselves as dating to marry.”
He gives me a lopsided smile. “Let’s not totally jump the shark here. All I’m saying is that real emotions and shit come with this dick.”
I blink in surprise. I like everything about this man. Every damn time he opens his mouth, he says profound things that make me like him more. I don’t know quite how he does it, but he’s snaking himself right into my heart. Something about this big tatted-up biker wanting emotions and not just sex gets tome. Onyx isn’t good at talking about his feelings and emotional needs.
I try to keep my voice steady. “You think of me as old lady material. Is that what you’re saying?”
His gaze holds mine. “Not just anyone’s old lady,” he says with his voice tight.
Swallowing thickly, I respond honestly, “I guess I never thought I was the kind of woman to be involved with an MC,” I say finally.
Onyx shifts beside me. “What’s the kind of woman to be involved with an MC? You mean a woman that’s smart, strong, and loyal. One who hangs tough with her man and trusts him to keep her safe even if the world is falling apart around them? I happen to think you’re exactly that kind of woman, Emily.”
I don’t know quite what to say to that. I’m all the things he said, but I’m worried about not being enough for him. He’s used to beautiful, sassy club girls. Saying that out loud seems too much like fishing for reassurance, so I ask a question instead.
“Do you think that us sharing emotions and hooking up would complicate things?”
His shoulder deliberately brushes mine, and he smiles. “Probably, but it would also be worth the complication.”
I can’t keep the smile off my face. “It would be worth it for me as well. We might even fall in love.”
“If we ever become more, it won’t be a casual or halfway, Em. Not with you.”
I struggle to hold onto my emotions because Onyx is talking about everything I’ve ever dreamed about having—him, a family,a place to belong. “This started out being about safety. I worry about distracting you when danger is near.”
“Everything is always all about your safety,” he says quietly. “I’d burn the whole damn world down to keep you safe. That’ll never fuckin’ change.”
