I’m in the mood for something unpredictable. So, I snap my visor into place and tell him, “I’m all in. Take me wherever you want.”
Grinning, he pulls onto the road and slowly accelerates. The roar of the engine is momentarily deafening until he eases back on the throttle. He doesn’t take me far, just a few miles and then exits off on a gravel road I don’t recognize. Although I’ve neverseen it before, I believe he’s on the far end of his club’s massive property. My grandfather once told me they originally bought a hundred acres and have added to it over the years, so there’s no telling how much they own at this point.
It’s quiet out here, and beautiful too. I can even see a big pond in the distance. As we get closer, I can see it’s got wild grass growing around the edges. A handful of wild geese waddles along the bank, honking softly like they realize that humans mean breadcrumbs. I wish I had some to give them.
Onyx parks near the edge, cuts the engine, and gets off. From the bike’s side compartment, he pulls out a bag of bird food and slings it casually over his shoulder like he does this all the time.
“You feed them?” I ask, getting off the bike and removing my helmet.
“Yeah, I don’t feed them bread though,” he says, tossing a handful of seeds towards the geese. The geese respond immediately, flapping their wings and rushing forward. They start pecking the seeds from the grass as Onyx explains, “My old man said the bread fills them up without giving them any nutrients and leads to fuckin’ nasty shit like malnutrition and disease.”
I smile and move to stand beside him. “Rock is a very smart man. If he says it, then I’m sure it’s true.”
We find a big flat rock near the bank and sit side by side. We have to sit close to fit on the rock, but being close to Onyx is not a hardship for me. I dip my hand into his bag of seeds and throw it towards some ducks gliding across the pond. They swim over, duck their beaks in and out of the water to capture the floating seeds in their bills and make funny little head movements as they swallow them.
Being here with him feels like a moment in time that was meant to be. We just sit there, enjoying the sun beating down on us, warming us from above. No matter how many seeds we throw, the ducks and geese never seem to get enough. We just watch the birds squabble over things they pick out of the shallows. Until this moment, I’ve never really paid attention to how birds forage. They’re quite good at it, pulling up reeds and soft roots.
When I glance over at Onyx, his gaze is on the pond. He looks so pensive that I can’t help wondering what he’s thinking. Unless I miss my guess, it’s more than just about birds. Whatever this place is to him, it’s more than a scenic place to take an occasional break.
“So, is this your thinking place?” I ask quietly.
When he glances at me, I clarify, “You know, the place you come to get away from everything and mull over the big things in your life?”
He finally nods and drops down onto his back on the rock. I follow suit and by the time he answers, we’re both staring up at the clouds floating by.
“Yeah, being a club officer can be stressful in and of itself. When you add managing three businesses, hiring employees, chasing them down to get their tax paperwork done, and the fuckin’ thousand and one things I’m responsible for in a day, sometimes it’s nice to have a quiet place where you can come and chill the hell out.”
I slide my arms behind my head and get comfortable. This is the most relaxed I’ve been in a long while.
“We already talked through the meeting,” I say quietly. “So, what are you thinking about now?”
“I guess we keep going,” he says finally. “We push for justice. But watch your back in case Brennan comes sniffing around again.”
My chest tightens. That’s about all we can do, I suppose. “Feels like I’ve been doing that for weeks already.”
“I know.” His voice drops lower. “I hate it.”
“I hate it too. I hate not feeling safe in my own cabin and being an imposition on you. I hate how that asshole turned my life upside down. One second me and Frisky were living our quiet little life, and the next we’re in stealth mode, hoping he doesn’t track us down.”
Turning to glance at him, I ask, “Do you want to know the worst part?”
“Tell me,” he responds in a serious tone.
“The worst part is not knowing if he poses a real danger to me or if I’m blowing this all out of proportion in my own head. Maybe that day he was running from the cops and ended up at my place was a one-off and he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me. He’s probably so wrapped up in his own issues that he’s never given me a second thought, but I’m over here obsessing about him constantly and acting like he’s the big bad wolf.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds and then says, “It doesn’t matter if he’s a danger or not. When you’re dealing with an unhinged lunatic like Brennan, you have to operate like he’s comin’ for ya.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I grudgingly admit.
“The thing to remember is that you’re not alone. You don’t have to wreck your fuckin’ mental health worrying about this asshole because you’ve got me and my club covering your six.”
I close my eyes and let his words sink in. “You’re right about me letting him wreck my mental health. It feels like I should be tougher than this, but I’m not.”
“You’re tough as hell,” he shoots back with no hesitation. “And smart to be worried about Brennan. He’s an unpredictable fuck. There’s no tellin’ what he might do, so we have to be ready for anything.”
I don’t respond right away because I choke up over his kind but insightful words. The wind blows and it feels cool against my skin. I don’t flinch when Onyx turns on his side and slips his arms around me. I might be a mess, but he’s here, looking out for me and keeping the wolf from the door. And in this moment, that’s everything.
I burrow down deeper into his arms and breathe in the scent of his body. He smells like that masculine shower gel he uses and a bit like motor oil for some reason. I like it far too much. A short silence spins out between us. It feels like this big intimidating biker with a heart of gold has carved out a space in his life and affections for me. I’d be a fool not to press for more.
